Posted on 04/01/2009 12:58:46 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
Often, after victories, athletes like to take a moment to thank God, Jesus, or even the occasional shout out to Allah. But one NMU hockey player stirred up controversy after thanking Our Dark Lord Satan.
Melvin Schwarz, a sophomore wood technology major and forward for the Wildcats, thanked Satan for imbuing him with "the strength of the Dark Prince himself." Schwarz has been a self professed Satanist for the past three weeks. According to Schwarz, the conversion has not affected his game play, except for the occasional possession.
"As a Satanic-American, I'm entitled to all the rights that Christians are," said Schwarz.
Schwarz scored three goals in his last game before being ejected for wearing unlicensed horn-shaped implements on his helmet. He spent most of his penalty time using a Ouija board in the box in a vain attempt to contact Wayne Gretzky - who Shwarz erroniously assumed was deceased.
Many Christian groups on campus have expressed their outrage at Schwarz's comments.
"Oh, come on," said Christy Christiansen, president of the Kirk Cameron Fan Club.
Wildcat hockey coach Sal Milton said that a player's religion doesn't matter as long as they can play.
"I don't care if he worships a bearded hippy, a furry guy with horns or a block of cheese, Schwarz is fast on the ice," said Milton.
Schwarz said his conversion to Satanism was inspired by his favorite novels, the Harry Potter series.
"(Harry's) whole perspective on life really hit home for me, I mean I totally related. He's a wizard, I'm a hockey player, it's like J.K. Rowling was writing about me," said Schwarz.
The Wildcats will be playing an exhibition game against the Kingsford JV High School hockey team this weekend, in which Schwarz is expected to play. Schwarz said he will be participating only if the university formally endorses Satanism as the official religion of the college. The president of the university has responded by saying that he will not negotiate with religious zealots.
"There's no way in Hell, pun intended, that we are going to do that," said NMU's president.
When informed of the administration's position, Schwarz placed a curse upon them, before collapsing to the floor while speaking in "demonic" tongues.
> “As a Satanic-American, I’m entitled to all the rights that Christians are,” said Schwarz.
Foolish adolescent. Jesus died for him, too.
April fool’s joke...
> April fool’s joke...
(grin!) April Fools finished 9 hours ago here in Auckland...
I believe it is an April Fool’s stunt. The author is “Lucifer Jones”; they talk about a Kirk Cameron “fan club” on campus.
A “practical joker” deserves applause for his wit
according to its quality.
Bastinado is about right.
For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling.
But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved
for the very wittiest.
LAZARUS LONG
LOL, I thought this guy was thanking Miroslav Satan, who plays for the New York Islanders.
No...you're not. If one bothers to look at the history of freedom of religion in this country Satanism was NOT afforded protection as it was against the common good. Most every religion had full protection under this but they never intended for people to have religious protection as satanists because of what that religion stood for. Also...this dope is NOT a satanic American...just an American. Its idiots like this one championed by the ACLU and other vicious anti-christian bigots that cause a blurring of the lines of what religious freedom is all about. And before any people here huff and puff about religious tolerance its not about that, you can see that all religions were tolerated, but a very few were not. While I did not agree with states having one religion as its state religion I DID support that the States had the right to do this. The federal government stole this away when they linked the 10th and 14th Amendments together imposing all the restrictions against the feds to that of each state. I could just see the founders as the worked the Constitution towards ratification in 1789 along witht he Bill of Rights as they heard from a "Satanic" American extoll the virtue of their religion for protection...gee...I wonder what they would have done?
IT’S APRIL 1ST, Ice-Flyer.
I started to get the idea it was a joke when he started talking about how he was influenced to convert by reading Harry Potter....
Satire.
IT’S APRIL FOOLS’ PEOPLE !!!!
LOL!
LOL, the funniest part was his description as a “wood technology major”.
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