Posted on 04/06/2007 1:21:52 PM PDT by Jo Nuvark
Today’s thread will explore a variety of useless topics in no particular order.
Lord Protector of the Fraternal Order of the Knights
of the Eternal Time Table and Grand Advocate for the
High Council of the Order of the Eternal Exclamation
Point without asterisk.
(LPFOKETT GAHCOEEP-w/o*)
N3
{!}
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20 REASONS WHY STAR WARS IS BETTER THAN TITANIC
1. Titanic may be big, but it doesn’t have hyper-drive.
2. Star Wars has WAY better action figure potential.
3. Yoda could use the Force to just lift Titanic out of the water.
4. Leia is a princess, a senator, a diplomat, a freedom fighter, a brilliant strategist, and Jedi material; Rose is just cute marriage bait.
5. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
6. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn’t say “WOW! Look at the size of that thing!” with any sincerity.
7. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by an evil madman with a light saber as opposed to an idiot with a handgun.
8a. Titanic is egalitarian in that it portrays poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to the rank of Admiral.
8b. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he greases his hair, sneers at the poor, and treats his fiance like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he wears an ominous, voluminous black cape and mysterious mask, strangles people with a glance and blows up entire planets for sport.
10. Yeah, okay, so Leo can dance...but can he fly an X-wing?
11. People have never lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
12. Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut. Now c’mon...who’s really the brave one here?
13. Two words: Harrison Ford 14. There are always more than enough escape pods in Star Wars.
15. Do you have any idea what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the World”?
16. If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would either...
A: Cut himself free with his light saber;
B: Use the Force to get the key; or
C: Han Solo would come in at the last second and blast the cuffs off.
17. “I’d rather be his whore than your wife” just doesn’t have the same sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”
18. We all knew the boat was gonna sink, but who was ready for “Luke....I am your father.” ???
19. Han Solo would’ve missed that dang iceberg!
20. Han, though frozen solid in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament, returns in excellent health to mount a successful mission against the Empire on Endor, crushing the enemy and
single-handedly paving the way for a brilliant air campaign which results in the destruction of the Empire’s second attempt at a Death Star, AND claims the heart of his woman with whom
he will live happily ever after. Jack, on the other hand, simply freezes and dies.
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WHY ARE NINJA BETTER THAN PIRATES?
The following resource material has been provided,
courtesy of the teaching staff.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFtvdeCCaXQ
http://www.ninjapirate.com/battle.html
http://www.askaninja.com/ninja-vs-pirate
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BIBLE QUESTIONS
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
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A CONVERSATION BETWEEN GOD AND MOSES
Excuse me, Sir.”
Is that you again, Moses?”
I’m afraid it is, sir.”
What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?”
“How did you guess?”
“I don’t have to guess, Moses. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot.”
“Tell me what you want, Moses.”
“But you already know. Remember?”
“Moses!”
“Sorry, sir.”
“Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out.”
“Well, I have a question, sir. You know those ‘ten things’ you sent me?”
“You mean the Commandments, Moses?”
“That’s it. I was wondering if they were important.”
“What do you mean ‘were important,’ Moses? Of course, they’re important. Otherwise I wouldn’t have sent them to you.”
“Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that.”
“What do you mean ‘you lost them’? Are you trying to tell me you didn’t save them, Moses?”
“No, sir. I forgot.”
“You should always save, Moses.”
“Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though.”
“And did you hear back from any of them?”
‘You already know I did. What about the one guy who said he never uses ‘shalt not’? Can he change the words a little bit?”
“Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn’t change the meaning.”
“And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the ‘Ten Suggestions,’ or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?”
“Moses, I’ll act like I didn’t hear that.”
“I think that means ‘no.’ Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming
him?”
“I think the term is ‘spamming,’ Moses.”
“Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don’t even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer.”
“And what did he say?”
“You know what he said. He said Your name in vain. You don’t think he might have sent me one of those — er — plagues, and that’s the reason I lost those ten things, do you?”
“They’re called ‘viruses,’ Moses.”
“Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them.”
“We’ll do it the new way, Moses.”
“I was afraid you would say that, sir.”
“Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?”
“You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer.”
“It’s a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?”
“No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?”
“No, Moses.”
“One other thing. Why didn’t you name them ‘frogs’ instead of ‘mice,’ because didn’t you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?”
“I didn’t name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to.”
“Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn’t it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?”
“Say good night, Moses.”
“Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ‘ten things’ have come back.”
“Which ones are they, Moses?”
“Let’s see. ‘Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image’ and ‘Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor’s wife.’”
“Turn the computer off, Moses. I’m sending you another set of stone tablets.”
THE END
What are the 5 most dangerous things you can hear in the Army?
5. The Private who says; “This is the way we did it in Basic!”
4. The Sergeant who says: “Trust me on this one sir.”
3. The Lieutenant who says: “Based on my experience...”
2. The Captain who says: “Hey! I have a great idea!”
and
The most dangerous thing you can hear in the Army is:
The CW4 who says: “Hey! Everybody watch what happens when I do this!”
Excellent start. But how are we going to follow that act?
I read a story today about two hot lesbian school teachers that took their pitbull for a walk to get some cigarettes and stopped by the tattoo parlor that is owned by illegal immigrants and got a tattoo of Rudy Guliani.
There, that should cover it.
It is 5:36 AM SATURDAY where I am. So there.
Oh kind Religion Moderator, could you please move this thread to it's rightful position in the religion section?
And while your at it could you remove the "gay thread" reference in post # 2.
Thank you.
Religion???
A religious thread?????????????
My apologies......I thought it was like a silliness thread.
I can see my way out...
And now for something completely different, and TOTALLY whacked out:
http://www.draftgore.com/
An absolute must listen to song about Algoracle:
http://www.draftgore.com/RunAlRun.mp3
“Run, AL, Run, how can you lose when you’ve already won?”
and it just gets wackier from there....bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Bring on the white jackets!
At the risk of being zotted, I look way more hot in
a wenches corset, than I do in a ninja gi. And that
would be the only reason pirates are better than ninja.
Ditto me too!
I posted about Algoracle—well, he’s offensive in ANY religion, except the religion of GLOBALWARMINGRUNAROUNDLIKEACHICKENWITHYOURHEADCUTOFFism, so keep my post posted, mod! ;-)
[...Al Gore: The Conscience of the Democratic Party...]
Frighteninig!
Just following orders.
I’m waiting for more guests then we’ll play the movie
quote game starting with “Big Trouble in Little China”
and “Buckaroo Bonzai”.
There’s pizza in the kitchen.
I hope you brought your own soft drinks.
Don’t go HOTTIEBOY.
Someone has to be in
charge of graphics.
Good morning! Christ the Lord is risen!
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