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Rapture Safety cards prepare parishioners, airline-style
Lark News ^ | October 2005

Posted on 07/07/2006 4:16:26 PM PDT by Alex Murphy

PINE BLUFF, Ark. — Last Days Bible Church has taken a novel step to prepare people for the Rapture: under each seat in the sanctuary is an airline-style safety card giving instructions for what to do when the Rapture takes place.

"It's a way of getting people's attention," says pastor Mark Eckers, who preaches often about the end times. "We are concerned about people's Rapture preparedness."

Ushers hold up the Rapture Safety cards and give a complete safety demonstration before each service, even pointing out exit routes for people who are not taken by the Rapture.

For believers, the cards depict various Rapture poses they may strike when the trumpet sounds: the flange pose, with both arms pointed down like a badminton birdie. Or the more popular Superman pose: one knee up, both arms held skyward.

"When the Rapture happens we want saved and unsaved people alike to get through the experience safely," says Eckers. "We're especially concerned that no one get trampled, because, of course, the ushers will be gone."


TOPICS: General Discusssion; Humor; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: endtimes; falsedoctrine; rapture
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To: Alex Murphy

I always thought a "rapture helmet" would be a good idea, you know, in case you're in the basement or something when it happens.


21 posted on 07/07/2006 9:43:58 PM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: Alex Murphy; Salvation
I'm sorry, but this article reminded me of this parody (from Yet Another Ready.gov Parody, and posted on several sites, like Safenow.org)


Beware--some terrorists look like Michael Jackson and have an arsenal of clean white shirts.


If you spot an act of terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, just yell really loudly.


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now.


That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there.

22 posted on 07/07/2006 9:52:42 PM PDT by Pyro7480 ("If you wish to go to extremes, let it be in... patience, humility, & charity." -St. Philip Neri)
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To: Salvation

Trinity is my name.


23 posted on 07/07/2006 10:09:15 PM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It. Supporting our Troops Means Praying for them to Win!)
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To: Alex Murphy

Have you read " Right Behind"? It is a satire on that horrid work of theology and literature " Left Behind".
It is published by a Reformed book group. Verry, verrry funny. Especially the part where people get stuck in their ceilings when they are raptured.


24 posted on 07/07/2006 10:55:21 PM PDT by lastchance (Hug your babies.)
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To: Pyro7480

LOL! Too funny!

Don't go there...heh...


25 posted on 07/07/2006 11:03:57 PM PDT by RosieCotton
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To: Pyro7480

ROTFLMAO


26 posted on 07/07/2006 11:20:21 PM PDT by mockingbyrd
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To: xzins; the-ironically-named-proverbs2; Alex Murphy
Actually the word rapture is in the bible....a Latin Bible. The latin for "caught up," I believe, is something like "rapturos" or something like that.

Raptors.


27 posted on 07/07/2006 11:34:23 PM PDT by Thinkin' Gal (As it was in the days of NO...)
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To: lastchance; Alex Murphy; xzins
What Dispy kids wear to gym class:


28 posted on 07/08/2006 12:17:09 AM PDT by Gamecock ("God's sheep are brought home by the Holy Spirit, and there won't be one of them lost." L R Shelton)
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To: Salvation
Is the word, "rapture" in the Bible?

In the Vulgate New Testament, it appears in at least four places: 2 Cor 12:2, 2 Cor 12:4, 1 Thes 4:17, and Rev 12:5.

They are as follows, with the Douay-Rheims translation:

2 Cor 12:2

Scio hominem in Christo ante annos quattuordecim, sive in corpore nescio sive extra corpus nescio, Deus scit raptum ejusmodi usque ad tertium cælum.

I know a man in Christ above fourteen years ago (whether in the body, I know not, or out of the body, I know not; God knoweth), such a one caught up to the third heaven.

2 Cor 12:4

Quoniam raptus est in paradisum, et audivit arcana verba quæ non licet homini loqui.

That he was caught up into paradise, and heard secret words, which it is not granted to man to utter.

1 Thes 4:17

Deinde nos qui vivimus, qui relinquimur, simul rapiemur cum illis in nubibus obviam Domino in æra, et sic semper cum Domino erimus.

Then we who are alive, who are left, shall be taken up together with them in the clouds to meet Christ, into the air, and so shall we be always with the Lord.

Rev 12:5

Et peperit filium masculum, qui recturus erit omnes gentes in virga ferrea, et raptus est filius ejus ad Deum et ad thronum ejus.

And she brought forth a man child, who was to rule all nations with an iron rod: and her son was taken up to God, and to his throne.

1 Thes 4:17 is the passage usually cited for evidence of the "rapture" by the Darbyists who produce this sort of silliness.

29 posted on 07/08/2006 4:12:06 AM PDT by neocon (Be not afraid!)
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To: Gamecock

I assume that's the "left" hind pocket?


30 posted on 07/08/2006 4:39:46 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It. Supporting our Troops Means Praying for them to Win!)
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To: A_perfect_lady; Alex Murphy
When I was a little girl I was afraid to take a bath for fear the Rapture would come and lift me up out of the tub naked

LOL!!!! I was just thinking, "What happens if I'm sitting on the toilet?" Do they have an illustration for that??? :O)

31 posted on 07/08/2006 4:46:03 AM PDT by HarleyD ("Then He opened their minds to understand the Scriptures" Luk 24:45)
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To: xzins

Yup. As opposed to right behind.


32 posted on 07/08/2006 4:57:44 AM PDT by Gamecock ("God's sheep are brought home by the Holy Spirit, and there won't be one of them lost." L R Shelton)
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To: Gamecock

It is appropriate, though, to be "left" behind.

The "left," as Ann Coulter says, is "Godless."


33 posted on 07/08/2006 4:59:16 AM PDT by xzins (Retired Army Chaplain and Proud of It. Supporting our Troops Means Praying for them to Win!)
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To: xzins

***Trinity is my name.***

I thought tht was Terence Hill with Bud Spencer as his sidekick.


34 posted on 07/08/2006 6:21:55 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (I was going to jump on you till I saw you donated to FR! Now I can't.)
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