From Operation Rescue to Operation Convert [Randall Terry now Catholic]

National Catholic registar ^ | 5/17/06 | TIM DRAKE

[Corin Stormhands]

To-manna, To-manna

It's only a day away...

[blue-duncan]

"Not quite as good as a frozen Zero bar"

Ahh, I see you are an Old Testament scholar too. However, you failed to notice one of the arguments that went back and forth during that great debate on Mt. Ebal and Mt. Gerizim (from which we get that famous "tastes great-less filing debate). On Gerizim, the good guys, came the winning argument "Snickers" and from Ebal, the losing guys, came "Peresh" (which later was translated Zero bars).

Since the Snickers guys won the debate, a way was made for the soft delivery of the Snickers by an angel at night, to all the good Children of Israel (from which the myth of Santa Claus came about). Sometimes, on special occasions, they are delivered by other means but never just dropped from heaven promiscuously.

There was one episode when unripened Snickers were delivered by an apprentice on the seventh day (they used an apprentice since the union contract was very specific that full time angels could only work six days) and people got sick so it was decided to forget delivery on the seventh and deliver twice as much on the sixth by the professionals.

Now as to the barbecue, the problem was the beef and veal that was being boiled (yech). The priests were not good with the condiments until they went to school in Babylon. They had forgotten about the leeks and garlic used in Egypt to flavor food (really they associated spices with pagans or incense)and it was not until Babylon and eastern spices that they began to experiment with barbecue.

However with all the building of walls, houses and the temple and the hostile forces they had to contend with as well as earning a living since those miserable refugees refused to kick in the temple dues back in Jerusalem, barbecue was put on the back burner until the Inter Testamentary times, ala the Essenes and the Dead Sea Scrolls.

They were hermits with time on their hands and lots of beef to sacrifice and eat so they had to find different ways to serve it and thus the different flavors of the barbecue, some vinegar based, some coffee based, some molasses based, and some honey based, although they had to compete with the morticians for the honey. This is the status of the research on some of the more fragile fragments that are being translated as we speak.

[Corin Stormhands]

You know, if you could turn that into a script, I'd be willing to bet we could get Tom Hanks to play the lead...

[blue-duncan]

"I'd be willing to bet we could get Tom Hanks to play the lead..."

I can see right away you are not an Old Testament scholar like Alex and me, or you would never have recommended a ham for an Old Testament part.

[Corin Stormhands]

I can see right away you are not an Old Testament scholar like Alex and me, or you would never have recommended a ham for an Old Testament part.

If you were half the scholars you thought you were, you would recognize the implications of the Nougat Covenant.

[P-Marlowe]

Since the Snickers guys won the debate, a way was made for the soft delivery of the Snickers by an angel at night, to all the good Children of Israel (from which the myth of Santa Claus came about). Sometimes, on special occasions, they are delivered by other means but never just dropped from heaven promiscuously.

What about all the people with peanut allergies? Did God say, let them eat.... Dove?

[blue-duncan]

"What about all the people with peanut allergies?"

I'm glad you brought up that point and I think this will also cover the heresy that arose because of the infamous "Nougat Covenant" that was slipped in unawares by silly women. If you add up the value of 666, the number of you know who, you will find it corresponds to the letters in "peanut allergy". Which means that any one not able to eat of the manna (Snickers)because of the allergy might not be a legal Child of Israel. Now this is where the heretical "Nougat Covenant" comes in. When some wolves in sheep's clothing slipped in unawares and could not partake of the sacred Snickers they palmed off as an original writing this pseudo-epigraph entitled "Nougat Covenant" which said that all those who for any reason could not partake of the sacred Snickers, for the low, low sum of two yonim, could substitute marshmellow fluff or yellow, marshmellow, chickies for the really authentic, orthodox, and thoroughly annointed, nougat, Snickers. I have to wash my hands just typing ths. See, I averted my eyes too.

[Corin Stormhands]

What a tower of cards you've constructed there bd.

No doubt you deny the trinitarian nature of the Three Musketeers...

[blue-duncan]

"No doubt you deny the trinitarian nature of the Three Musketeers..."

That's it, that's it. I'm ready to ping the Mod. When you can't win on the logic of the position you attack personally. I'll have you know it was not me who streamlined the bar, removing the last vestiges of the individuality of the three. I didn't erase the personality of the bar by making it appear as one bar in three modes instead of three distinct segments in one bar. This is what happens when you let people who are not grounded revise the authorized version.

[Religion Moderator]

LOLOLOL!

[Corin Stormhands]

That's it, that's it. I'm ready to ping the Mod.

Go right ahead. I bought a confectionary indulgence with M&Ms.

[blue-duncan]

" I bought a confectionary indulgence with M&Ms."

I see now where this is heading. You belong to the Secret Order of the M&M. Now I know why you were upset with my reference to the number 666. A little light lighteth the whole loaf. I know my scripture!

[Corin Stormhands]

You belong to the Secret Order of the M&M.

Ah, but your post number has betrayed you. It is well known that "2i2" is the area code of New York City birthplace of the famous Dead Sea Tootsie Roll scrolls.

[blue-duncan]

"Ah, but your post number has betrayed you"

Diversion doesn't become you. You know full well I was ready to expose the fact that the secret society you belong to published the infamous "Nougat Covenant". And I'm beginning to get that uneasy feeling that this whole Snickers and Zero bars thing is a put up deal from another secret society to cause dissension in the ranks. We haven't heard from them since they started this confusion. As you can see, Ive been learning a lot from studying old "24" segments and I'm not to sure about that "Dove" offering either. Even paranoids can have real enemies. Hmmm.

[Corin Stormhands]

Ive been learning a lot from studying old "24" segments...

I'm going to have to ask you to trust me on this.

[blue-duncan]

"I'm going to have to ask you to trust me on this."

The checks in the mail, honest.

I have to sign off. My secretary and para legal have been running into my office wanting to know what I'm laughing so hard about. I have to finish some letters otherwise I can't bill for this fun.

[Corin Stormhands]

Law isn't fun?

see ya

[George W. Bush]

Terry is as surprised as anyone by where his journey has led.

I'm not surpised. Some of you might recall that I wrote that he'd go R.C. about five years ago. It was plain as day.

Left his wife for another woman, both daughters pregnant out of wedlock, (one is now a Muslim,) one son is a homosexual.

I'm doubly not surprised. After accomplishments like this, I think he should consider a vocation in the priesthood.

[Diego1618]

Circumcision was a "Jewish" thing since it was required of Jews.

The point I was making was...circumcision of an eight day old infant was not a voluntary thing. It was a requirement of God. It was to be a sign of his covenant with Abraham and his descendants......some of which were Jews.

Also, Jesus was baptized by the Baptist. He couldn't be baptized until the Baptist began his ministry.

God could have seen to it that Jesus would have been baptized as an infant. He did not, and the the fact that Jesus set his example, as an adult, speaks volumes.

There is no mention or example of infant baptism in scripture. It is a myth perpetuated by the mainstream church. "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man, I put away childish things." [Corinthians 13:11] This verse by itself should be justification for adult baptism.

[AlaninSA]

"Snickers rot your teeth, and then your criticism will really be toothless."

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Is tooth loss predetermined...like all other Calvinist beliefs? Calvin(ism) was - and remains - a sad way to relate to God.