New Testament translation: Thou shalt have sex

LONDON – The Archbishop of Canterbury has given his personal backing to a new translation of the New Testament in which Christians are told to go out and have more sex.

Instead of censuring fornicators, adulterers and “abusers of themselves with mankind,” the new version of his first letter to Corinthians has St. Paul advising Christians not to go without sex for too long in case they get frustrated.

The translation appears to contradict the authorized King James version which, in a passage in I Corinthians, often used to back the celibacy requirement in the Roman Catholic priesthood, quotes St. Paul saying, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

But in the new version, he says, “My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner. Husbands and wives should strive to meet each other’s sexual needs. . . . It’s not good to refuse a partner.”

The new version was translated by John Henson, a member of a network of radical Christians that favors “inclusive language” in the Bible.

His translation also changes the original Greek and Hebrew nomenclature into modern nicknames. St. Peter becomes “Rocky,” Mary Magdalen becomes “Maggie,” Aaron becomes “Ron,” Andronicus becomes “Andy” and Barabbas becomes “Barry.”

In other passages, Henson renders “demon possession” as “mental illness” and “Son of Man,” the phrase used frequently to refer to Jesus, as “the Complete Person.”

Pio, chill and quit scandalizing the Church. I have monstrously huge issues with the *footnotes* of the Bernadin Bible (A.K.A., the New American), but be fair: Rome has insisted on keeping the masculine English words for gender-neutral Hewbrew words; they're hardly going to start throwing around "Rocky" for Peter or making up stuff. They haven't even put a "Nihil Obstat" on Catholic versions of the The Living Bible or The Way. And if anything, although the Church is way to the left of 1960, it has moved to the right since 1980, and is accelerating.

Compare 1984 with 2004.
Remember the Jesuits acting as Marxist guerillas?
Remember the USCCB-sponsored anti-Reagen "peace" demonstrations?
Remember liberation theology and the Marxist Jesuits?
Remember the daily sermons about the "War on the Poor"?
Remember the moral equivalence issued by the USCCB between Communism and the failure to provide free housing?
Remember the hippy masses, using John Denver as sacred music?
Remember the imminent expectation of women priests or of a Vatican III?
Remember the open revolt against the church's sexual teachings?

I do. And I'm not talking Freepers finding some wierdos in Wisconsin. I remember when this stuff was identical to the common experience of Catholicism.
The Church has at least stopped the slide towards Gemmorah.

The Times (London)

June 23, 2004, Wednesday

St Paul urges more copulation for couples in sexed-up Bible

BYLINE: Ruth Gledhill, Religion Correspondent

THE Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, has given his personal backing to a new translation of the New Testament in which St Paul's notorious condemnations of gay sex are deleted and Christians are told to go out and have more sex.

Instead of condemning fornicators, adulterers and "abusers of themselves with mankind", the new version of his first letter to Corinth has St Paul advising Christians not to go without sex for too long in case they get "frustrated".

The translation appears to contradict the authorised King James version which, in a passage in I Corinthians vii, often used to back the celibacy requirement in the Roman Catholic priesthood, quotes St Paul saying: "It is good for a man not to touch a woman."

The new version, which Dr Williams says he hopes will spread "in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike", turns St Paul's strictures against fornication on their head.

St Paul's words now are: "Some of you think the best way to cope with sex is for men and women to keep right away from one another.

"I think that is more likely to lead to sexual offences.

"My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner. Husbands and wives should strive to meet each other's sexual needs. They should submit to one another for that purpose. It's not good to refuse a partner."

The translation also changes the original Greek and Hebrew nomenclature into modern nicknames. St Peter becomes "Rocky", Mary Magdalen becomes "Maggie", Aaron becomes "Ron", Andronicus becomes "Andy" and Barabbas becomes "Barry".

In other passages the translator John Henson, a retired Baptist minister, renders "demon possession" as "mental illness" and "Son of Man", the phrase used frequently to refer to Jesus, as "the Complete Person".

Parables become "riddles" and to baptise is now to "dip" in water. Salvation becomes "healing" or "completeness" and Heaven becomes "the world beyond time and space."

Mr Henson is the translation co-ordinator for ONE, a network of radical Christians that was one of the first organisations in Britain to make the case for "inclusive language", in a 1981 pamphlet Bad Language in Church.

In his foreword to the new version of the New Testament, which also includes the non-canonical Gospel of Thomas, Dr Williams describes it as a work of "extraordinary power" because it is "so close to the prose and poetry of
ordinary life". He writes: "Instead of being taken into a specialised religious frame of reference -as happens even with the most conscientious of formal modern translations -and being given a gospel addressed to specialised concerns...

we have here a vehicle for thinking and worshipping that is fully earthed, recognisably about our humanity."

Dr Williams is himself not known for his use of accessible language, and has been criticised recently for his use of obtuse and arcane theological phrases. In his foreword however, he praises Mr Henson's translation for screening out "the stale, the technical, the unconsciously exclusive words and policies".

DIPPING INTO A NEW TRANSLATION

Mark 1:4

Authorised version: "John did baptise in the wilderness, and preach the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins."

New: "John, nicknamed 'The Dipper', was 'The Voice'. He was in the desert, inviting people to be dipped, to show they were determined to change their ways and wanted to be forgiven."

Mark 1:10-11

Authorised version: "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou are my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

New: As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God's spirit was with him. A voice from overhead
was heard saying, 'That's my boy! You're doing fine!' " Matthew 23:25

Authorised version: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!"

New version: "Take a running jump, Holy Joes, humbugs!

Matthew 26:69-70

Authorised version: "Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, 'Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.' But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest".

New: Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: "Haven't I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?" Rocky shook his head and said: "I don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

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