Rush Limbaugh's Comeback Strategy

10/2/03 | self

[brbethke]

Rush Limbaugh's Comeback Strategy

As a scandal, the Limbaugh Drug Affair has a reek suspiciously similar to that of the nude photos of Dr. Laura that surfaced when she became too outspoken a critic of Bill Clinton. Nonetheless the story is out there, the critical damage is already done, and since it's almost impossible to fight the kind of overwhelming schadenfreude that is now coursing through the American body politic, Limbaugh would be well advised to skip that battle and go straight to the second principle of political redemption:

Americans love a repentent loser.

Or to put it in more concrete terms: it's called the Betty Ford Clinic, isn't it? And one of the well-known traditional differences between the parties is that, while Democrats typically abuse cocaine and marijuana, Republicans traditionally abuse Johnnie Walker Black Label and prescription meds.

So with this as a guiding principle, here's how Rush Limbaugh can make his comeback:

1. Tomorrow, in his opening monologue, he tearfully announces that he has an addiction, it's out of control, and he's checking himself in to the Betty Ford Clinic. Then he turns the golden EIB microphone over to a guest host, leaves the studio, and the remaining three hours of Open Line Friday are filled with emotion-choked calls from fans wishing him well, talking about their own 12-step experiences, and praying on-air for his speedy recovery.
    
2. Sometime next week, his attorneys quietly cut a deal with the prosecutors and cop a plea, bargaining it down to treatment, probation, community service, and a hefty fine.
    
3. In about a month, Rush re-emerges from treatment and in a move that stuns and surprises everyone, makes his first public appearance on Oprah, with Donovan McNabb on one side and Bret Favre on the other. Favre talks about how hard it was to kick Vicodin. Limbaugh makes a moving and tear-filled public apology to McNabb, saying, "It was the drugs talking." McNabb, grudgingly, forgives him. Oprah finally recognizes that Rush is a victim, lays hands upon him, and absolves him of all his sins.
    

Of course, it may be not be this simple. Rush's redemption may require additional appearances on Dr. Phil or Larry King. But if Rush plays this right, he can be back on ESPN by the start of playoffs, along with his new best friend, golf buddy, and co-host, Donovan McNabb.

Because, hey, there ain't no way the Eagles are making the playoffs...

[jacquej]

Chuck N, that is just what I did today! I signed up at Rush's website for 24/7 and sent him an email telling him that I had done so as a sign of support.

I have no idea whether he has a problem with pain medication. It is none of my business as long as he is not flying a plane, driving a car, or has other responsibilities that medication would prevent.

If the rest of us go do this as a sign of disgust at the way the media is slathering over this story, maybe it would send a message to them, that we expect better from not only them, but whoever is behind the sleazy campaign tricks being played all over...

[Mr Rogers]

Why not just say, "Jack Kennedy was President of the United States while addicted to pain-killers. I only wanted to follow the Democratic icon's example!"

[jammer]

Horse Hockey. If he's a man, he'll turn himself in and go to prison like all the others he and his WOD cohorts castigate. If this is true, defending him is putrid as it gets.

[arasina]

Love it! Great plan!

(I know NOTHING about football and don't want to, either.)

[Exit148]

" I signed up at Rush's website for 24/7 ----"

I did the same thing!

[GigaDittos]

Quiet buttwipe. If we're lucky you'll get an ear ache the size of a football field and need painkillers. Choke on them. It's starting to look like there ain't much of a case against Rush, I'm sure you'll be very disappointed if that's the case. But I'm sure you love it when murders get out of prison early, to make more room for prescription drug abusers. Amazing.

[Saundra Duffy]

I think Rush should sue all of his doctors.

[jammer]

Great post. You're another living example of why they call us the stupid party.

[joesbucks]

You should be in Public Relations.

It's a shame public relations are needed in the first place. Guy should have been in check as he admonishes everyone else.

[johnwayne]

"Actually, since the numbers work out to something like 90 tabs/day...it sounds like a crock."

Someone posted in another thread and I think they're correct, Rush was getting a lifetime supply of meds so he wouldn't have to continue to deal with the dealers.

I'm inclined to believe the story is true or partially true but of course I hope I'm wrong.

[auggy]

"Quiet buttwipe. If we're lucky you'll get an ear ache the size of a football field and need painkillers. Choke on them. It's starting to look like there ain't much of a case against Rush, I'm sure you'll be very disappointed if that's the case. But I'm sure you love it when murders get out of prison early, to make more room for prescription drug abusers. Amazing."

Dittos. Looks like there are some of us that have their head screwed on right this morning.

[GigaDittos]

If I were stupid, what do you care? Maybe they'll let out some cuban drug lord in Miami to make room for Rush. That should perk up your mood.

[jammer]

I don't care. It just makes all of us look stupid when we tolerate attacks like your's, with no argument whatsoever except imputing false motives. "...perk up your mood."

[NEWwoman]

This strategy here sounds very much like the defense strategy in the musical "Chicago."

[livius]

Great story! It's a crazy world we live in these days...