~Saying good bye~

CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

[carlo3b]

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard

Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections

Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...

"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli

Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..

"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad

[carlo3b]

Sometimes life takes a terrible turn and you need a friend.. Thats just one more reason FReepers were born..

[Rushmore Rocks]

Carlo,that was beautiful. I can't help but wonder if there was a special reason for writing it. Is there?

[xJones]

Well good Lord, Carlo. I read your title and thought this was your opus, and that would have been very bad. Sheesh, bud, watch your titles. :D

Best regards as always

[4mycountry]

*sniffle* Come over here and let me hug you!!!

[Rushmore Rocks]

P.S. You have many FReeper friends. All you have to do is let us know if you need us.

[carlo3b]

It's the way we deal with a loss that determines our forever. Never deny yourself the grieving.. that only prolong the pain.. I know..

[Elliott Jackalope]

I'm curious. What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter?

[xJones]

What happened, Carlo? We're here.

[carlo3b]

Thank you all my dear friends, sometimes I have one of those moments.. I'm sure you know what I mean... sheeesh

[deadhead]

"It's the way we deal with a loss that determines our forever. Never deny yourself the grieving.. "

I know too, Carlo. You really know how to tug those heart strings!!

[aruanan]

DUDE! I'm here, too.

[Ditter]

I know too, Carlo. Bless you.

[gitmo]

sniff.

[carlo3b]

I'm curious. What would you suggest to someone who has had so much loss in their lives that they have turned mean and bitter?

Find someone or something that needs a friend. Looking back is dangerous when your are moving forward.. let yourself go...

[fatima]

carlo3b,I love you too,Can I ask what I should have for dinner tom.my husband likes fish."Never put off telling someone they mean something in your life and if you have a gift,no matter how small,give unless it can never be given.Not words for you Chef,but for me",Got a good dinner for my nice husband.

[small_l_libertarian]

Carlo, I'm not sure we've ever conversed directly, but I always, always read your stuff. If you need anything at all, I am here, too.

Love,

small_l

[carlo3b]

{{{{{{HUGGG}}}}}}

I can't lie I really needed that.. :)

[KDD]

Hans, there are moments when the whole mind
Resolves into a pair of brimming eyes, or lips
Parting to drink from the deep spring of a death
That freshness they do not yet need to understand,
These are the moments, if ever, an angel steps
Into the mind, as kings into the dress
Of a poor goatherd, for their acts of charity.
There are moments when speech is but a mouth pressed
Lightly and humbly against the angel's hand.
JAMES MERRILL

[Rushmore Rocks]

Carlo, you have been a wonderful asset to Free Republic. Don't go cryptic on us. Tell us what your problem is. We chefs have to stick together.

[eddie willers]

Whew...for a moment there I thought you were giving an Opus™.