These are our rules girls. Deal With it!!

Unknown | 8-28-03 | Man's Mind

[WKB]

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports.
It's like the full moon, PMS or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is considered blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[najida]

Yesterday morning I when I woke up I told my husband that I was never sleeping in the same bed with him again. The night before he mumbled and snored and tossed and deprived me of my beauty rest. Last night I slept on the couch only because he beat me to the bed and was asleep when I got there.

When I was first married, I was totally into the "sleep, cuddle, snuggle together" aspect sharing a bed. But even in a king sized bed, I was missing out when it came to getting sleep.

Funny, but self-preservation kicks in pretty quick, even in marriage.

[MEGoody]

Lets see, you hit your wife with hurtful remarks when she is most vulnerable. You don't sleep together. You believe in 'laying down the law.'

How long have you been married?

[Quix]

Given the health benefits--STRENGTHENED IMMUNE SYSTEM ETC--and the subjective comfort/intimacy benefits . . . it amazes me that spouses don't begin trading backrubs on their honeymoons and continue it forever.

But some have never had their childhood 0-6 yrs old buckets filled sufficiently to feel that they have much to give. They are still desperately trying to grasp all they can from others.

Often, it takes months, years of getting filled by quality others before some people learn that IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN RECEIVE.

I'd encourage people wanting backrubs to give such for months before even slightly hinting they'd like such in return. But sooner or later, there would come an opportune time to tell some dense clod that you'd like time about to be fair play.

[najida]

Men think like waffles (linear)
Women think like spaghetti (interconnecting)

[Quix]

In some cultures, women are not sexy until they are fat ENOUGH.

And, some research suggests that fat women are better sex partners. They seem to have abandoned pretense and just enjoy themselves to the max. Which, tends to help hubby enjoy himself to the max.

[Quix]

I assume you respond in kind.

If not, rush to the nearest MRI and get your head examined!

[185JHP]

Understand this - comprehend it. Someone is in charge of our life. It's not you.

[Quix]

It is easier to stay mostly asleep in the middle of the night than standing trying to aim right and stay asleep.

[Pukin Dog]

Are you Pukin because some woman punched you in the gut?

Uh, no.

[jae471]

True enough.

Men think "A causes B causes C. Therefore, if I do A, there is a high probability C will occur."

Women think "A causes B causes C. Therefore, I don't like the couch here anymore, and I want chocolate."

[Phantom Lord]

7 years.

I also tell her she is the "Worst Wife Ever" and want to get her a t-shirt that says so.

Simpson's fans will realize this is a compliment.

[Phantom Lord]

Women think like spaghetti (interconnecting)

More like a Cluster F***

[Pukin Dog]

some research suggests that fat women are better sex partners

Those would have to be some well paid researchers!

[Servant of the Nine]

I'll take the company of women, warts and all.

If you are dating women that give you warts, you need to try a better class of women, or at least some with better hygiene.

So9

[firebrand]

Watch out for Mr. Nice Guy.

[Quix]

Thanks.

Evidently it takes a certain level of wholeness, maturity to grow into that level of relationship/intimacy.

[StriperSniper]

But screwy communications from either side are destructive.

Amen! I have heard from female friends the same complaints I have about women. One in particular, who I think thinks more like a man than a woman most of the time, is the one I would probably work best with if she didn't have other issues that didn't let it work. Who knows, we may still end up together(if she ever resolves those issues) the next time we run across each other when we're both looking. But I'm not holding my breath.

[mtbrandon49]

Bump til later

[Quix]

Right.

Their intuition seems related to that.

Linear thinking is good for some problems. Holographic/intuitive/nuance/subtle detail oriented thinking is better for other kinds of problems.

And, androgenous characters who are genetically predisposed to both--seem to do best.

[WKB]

Watch out for Mr. Nice Guy

Sounds like he is feeling guilty about "something"