These are our rules girls. Deal With it!!

Unknown | 8-28-03 | Man's Mind

[WKB]

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports.
It's like the full moon, PMS or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is considered blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[honeygrl]

"Ewwwww, you hold each other when you sleep? Give me my space! That's why she has HER side and I have MY side. "

I do agree with that! I can't sleep with someone touching me.

[2Jedismom]

Especially if the guy snores...

Or the wife...

[honeygrl]

Hey, I'm not fat!

[2Jedismom]

I knew it!

;-)

[honeygrl]

Wait, I forgot to ask.. How long have you been married?

[Quilla]

I can honestly say we sleep in about two feet of space in the bed. I guess that makes it easier for him to make it up each morning.

:)

I'm blessed - I married a saint.

[Phantom Lord]

I think my wife would be upset if I started sleeping the entire night in bed with her. She would have to give up a lot of room she now has, and the dogs would have to sleep on the floor!

[Pukin Dog]

I've never seen you, but I know you are fat. You all are fat.

Fatty.

[Lazamataz]

I do agree with that! I can't sleep with someone touching me.

I can't sleep unless someone is.

[Phantom Lord]

Look at her profile. Not fat.

[Lazamataz]

I've never seen you, but I know you are fat. You all are fat. Fatty.

[honeygrl]

I'm 5'2" and 112lbs. NOT fat!!!! :)

[N. Theknow]

And I taught Mrs. Theknow to fish this summer.

[Quilla]

We've been married six years, long enough now that his hand continues to rub for several minutes after he's fallen asleep. I have yet to run or empty the dishwasher - he does it sometime while I'm sleeping. I leave the pots from supper on the stove at night; when I get up they are magically cleaned and put away. Each morning he wakes me with coffee on the nightstand. He really does make up the bed each day and folds it down for me every night. He thinks jewelry is a good investment! He is a gift from God.

[honeygrl]

Yeah right.. like you would fall asleep if anyone was there to touch you...

[Eagle Eye]

I think that #1 is the best rule and all wimmin need to memorize it.

[Roscoe]

Because you ruined a perfectly good problem.

[budwiesest]

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Haha! But this would eliminate the brain-splitting technique that I've mastered over the years. (Still working on seperating the eyeballs though).

[Pukin Dog]

Unless you are Selma Hayek in disquise, you are huge. Monstrous. Gargantuan.

[Pukin Dog]

She needs to go on a diet, Laz.