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Canteen Sports Review
Good Thursday to everyone! We finally returned with our Sports Review. We hope that you've enjoyed our College and NFL Previews. Please visit our weekly threads and sports links on the left hand side. As always, we enjoy any and all comments about sports or other things on the thread. We are currently planning to unveil a new Sports look in the coming weeks. Until then, KEEP OFF THE GRASS and have fun!
Thanks to this week's sponsor!! Don't forget about Saturday!
 ______________________The Tennis world said "farewell" to Pete Sampras. Sampras had not played a match since winning his record breaking 14th Grand Slam at last year's US Open. We at the Canteen Sports Review would like to wish him a wonderful and happy retirement. Do us a favor, Pete? Please don't sign up to do tennis commentary. John McEnroe is enough.
(We can hear hurling from around the world with this update! Don't snore yet!)
Well, they finally got around to filing charges against Carlton Dotson. Dotson is accused of killing his Baylor teammate, Patrick Dennehy. Look for this story to get stranger and stranger. Their coach resigned after allegations that he was trying to "persuade" his players and coaches to lie to detectives. For more about this drama, please click here.
(Be truthful! How many of you out there even knew that Baylor had a team?)
As if life weren't already bad enough for Kobe Bryant, in comes Mike Tyson. Bryant, as you may have heard, has been charged with raping a 19 year old woman in a Colorado resort hotel. Whether he's innocent or guilty, Mike Tyson decided to weigh in on Bryant's future problems. Click here to read more of "Iron" Mike's insights.
(We're relieved that Mike Tyson is giving advice to Kobe. NOT!) Tennis do nothing Anna Kournikova is pushing sports bras for women through Amazon.com. We'd find you the link, but we can't remember it.
(If you need help with it, Ma said to go to amazon.com and type "Anna" in the Search box on the left hand side. We are just doing what Ma said.)
Tiger Woods failed to win a Major in golf this year. Everyone can have an off year in sports or golf, but not Tiger. The pundits have been ripping him left and right. We're here for you Tiger. If you'd like to donate 1 million dollars to MoJo, she'll help you improve your "driving" skills.
(Hey! Everyone wishes they could drive a car like MoJo. Wait! You thought she was going to teach him how to play golf? Get real!)
Gracious in victory? If you are a NASCAR fan, you will have to decide whether or not Kurt Busch is truly upset that Jimmy Spencer was not at Bristol this past weekend. Spencer was suspended for punching Busch the week before. Busch was booed by some in the crowd and shunned by some in the pits. (Hey! Even NASCAR drivers have certain things they wouldn't do on the track!) Anyways, click here to read more about the drama. By the way, Busch won at Bristol. The animosity will continue.
(To all the sophisticated NASCAR experts out there, everyone loves feuds. No one likes to see them get violent, but if you've ever seen a hockey game, the best part is the fights!)
If you haven't been put to sleep yet, make sure to read the announcement below. You could actually win something for free. Hello? What's free anymore? Aggravation and stress are free, but they aren't nearly as cool as what we are offering.
****Announcement**** Starting the first week of the NFL season, we will start a contest each week for NFL picks. We will post the teams playing and you choose the teams who you feel will win. On Monday Night football games, we will also ask you to choose the final score of the game. We are doing this in the event of a tie. This will be the tiebreaker. This isn't gambling! It is absolutely free. Please be sure to post your picks on the thread, Freepmail, or email. If you are going to do it on the thread, please make sure to include: MoJo2001 in the TO: section. Also, Freepmails need to be sent to MoJo2001. (If you send it to Bob, we won't be able to find your picks. Also, don't send it to the Canteen Sports CEO. He is too lazy..oops! We mean he's too busy thinking of other "clever" contests to run in the Canteen Sports Review!)
A "prize" will be given on Tuesday of each week. We will also give out an actual prize at the end of the regular season. (We are cheapskates. Blame the Canteen Sports CEO for that. So? Don't get overly excited. Think shirt and that's about it!) Everyone is welcome to participate in this game. It is absolutely free and no purchases of Burkas are necessary to participate in the game. Keep in mind, this is all or nothing. You either pick the most winners or you don't. Nothing complicated about it folks! NFL Regular Season games begin: Thursday, September 4.
The picks must be made no later than Wednesday, September 3rd. When the clock strikes midnight on the East Coast, all picks after that time will be voided out. Thursday, Sep. 4
N.Y. Jets at Washington, 9:00 pm
Sunday, Sep. 7
Arizona at Detroit, 1:00 pm Baltimore at Pittsburgh, 1:00 pm
Denver at Cincinnati, 1:00 pm Houston at Miami, 1:00 pm
Indianapolis at Cleveland, 1:00 pm Jacksonville at Carolina, 1:00 pm
Minnesota at Green Bay, 1:00 pm New England at Buffalo, 1:00 pm
San Diego at Kansas City, 1:00 pm St. Louis at N.Y. Giants, 1:00 pm
Atlanta at Dallas, 4:15 pm Chicago at San Francisco, 4:15 pm
New Orleans at Seattle, 4:15 pm Oakland at Tennessee, 8:30 pm
Monday, Sep. 8
Tampa Bay at Philadelphia, 9:00 pm
GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!
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The Insights Of Yogi Berra
- "This is like deja vu all over again."
- "You can observe a lot just by watching."
- "He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.
- "I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.
- "I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
- "Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"
- "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."
- "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."
- "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."
- "If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."
- "You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
- "Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."
- "It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."
- "Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."
- "A nickel isn't worth a dime today."
- "Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
- "It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.
- "Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.
- Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."
- "Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.
- "I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."
- "If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
- "You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."
- "90% of the putts that are short don't go in."
- "I made a wrong mistake."
- "Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.
- "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.
- "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
- "Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."
- "If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."
- "Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."
- "It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."
- "How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."
- "I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.
- "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."
- "He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.
- "I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"
- "It ain't the heat; it's the humility."
- "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."
- "You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- "I didn't really say everything I said."
____________________ Athletes are really " intelligent"! How does MoJo know? Read it "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his trip to Greece
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
-- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-- Rod Brookin, senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann "Raise the urinals."
-Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes
"The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play."
-Reggie Jackson
"Better make it six; I can't eat eight."
-Pitcher Dan Osinski, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"Me and George and Billy are two of a kind."
-Baseball player Mickey Rivers, on his relationship with George Steinbrenner and Billy Martin
"The game was closer than the score indicated."
-Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game
"There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, 'You never know.'"
-Pitcher Joaquin Andujar
"That's why I don't talk. Because I talk too much."
-Joaquin Andujar
"Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean."
-Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters
"It's almost like we have ESPN."
-Magic Johnson, on how well he and James Worthy work together
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
-Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982
"Tom."
-Tom Nissalke, New coach of the NBA's Houston Rockets, when asked how he pronounced his name, 1966
"I'll always be Number 1 to myself."
-Moses Malone
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
-Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"I don't want to shoot my mouth in my foot, but those are games we can win."
-Sherman Douglas
"Anything that doesn't progress gets stuck or left behind. Our new sponsor is a company with a great future."
-Club president Fernando Ruiz of the Spanish basketball club Gijon Baloncesto, which has accepted sponsorship from a pornographic website. The website owners say they are considering supplying their girls to act as cheerleaders at Gijon's home games.
"Play some Picasso."
-Former New Jersey Net Chris Morris, to a piano player at a hotel bar while trying to impress a date.
"Unstoppable, baby!"
-Warrior rookie Marc Jackson to the Mavericks' bench, after hitting a lay-up during a 29-point loss.
"I've been dunked on by (Vitaly) Potapenko and now (Zan) Tabak. The good part is that they don't make posters of those guys."
- Houston Rockets forward Walt Williams
"No comment."
-Michael Jordan, after being asked for his response to making the All-Interview Team.
"I don't use foreign substances. Everything I use is from the good ol' U.S. of A." - George Frazier, Chicago Cubs pitcher, admitting to throwing a spitball.
"Do you know that this park is going to be torn down next year when we move into our new park? Well, you just keep pitchin' like that to that fella and you're going to give them a head start on the right field stands." - Casey Stengel, Mets manager, to Roger Craig, Mets pitcher, after Craig surrendered a pair of home runs to future Hall of Famer Willie McCovey.
"We're sorry to see Glenn Beckert go. Before he goes, however, I hope he comes by the box so we can kiss him goodbye. He's that kind of guy." - Jerry Coleman, San Diego Padres announcer.
"If I drop this paper plate, he'll pick it up on one hop and throw me out at first." - Sparky Anderson, Cincinnati Reds manager, about Brooks Robinson.
"Babe Herman did not triple into a triple play, but he doubled into a double play, which is the next best thing." - John Lardner, sportswriter. Mike Tyson Quotes:
"[He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse'. I'm not a recluse."
-Mike Tyson, on writer Wallace Matthews
"I am many things. I am an animal. I am a convicted rapist, a hell-raiser, a loving father, a semi-good husband. You don't really know me."
-Mike Tyson at a news conference where he cursed, jumped on a table, stripped off his shirt, complained about medication hurting his sex life and threatened to put "a (expletive) bullet" through the head of Lennox Lewis.
"I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your (expletive) a**"
"I can sell out Madison Square Garden mastur******."
"If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don't know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I've been on that camera since I was 13 years old."
"I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me. I want your heart. I want to eat your children."
- Mike Tyson. (I guess ears just weren't filling enough...)
"I am not sweating it at all."
-Mike Tyson, on allegations that he raped a 50-year-old woman at a rented house in Big Bear City, 70 miles east of Los Angeles, where he was training. (Source: KTVK-TV in Phoenix)
"I'm just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity"
Thank you to LaDivaLoca for her invaluable help with quotes!
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