The Marriage Strike - Why are men reluctant to marry?

Radiofree West Hartford ^ | August 13, 2003 | Wendy McElroy

[ddodd3329]

Why do fewer people marry?

According to a 1999 National Vital Statistics Report from the CDC, 7.4 per 1,000 Americans married in 1998. From 1990 to 1995, the marriage rate dropped from 9.8 to 7.6. Different sources render other statistics but the trend remains sharply downward.

There is never a single or comprehensive explanation for complex phenomena that are rooted deeply in human psychology. Non-marriage is a particularly difficult issue to address because, as a recent paper from Rutgers University entitled "Why Men Won't Commit" explains, official sources are scarce. "The federal government issues thousands of reports on nearly every dimension of American life. ... But it provides no annual index or report on the state of marriage." Much of the discussion of the motives surrounding non-marriage must be anecdotal, therefore, relying on statistics to provide framework and perspective.

In examining reasons for the current decline of marriage, one question usually receives short shrift. Why are men reluctant to marry?

The Rutgers report -- admittedly based on a small sample -- found ten prevalent reasons. The first three:

They can get sex without marriage;

They can enjoy "a wife" through cohabitation; and,

They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.

As a critic of anti-male bias in the family courts, the reasons I hear most frequently from non-marrying men are fear of financial devastation in divorce and of losing meaningful contact with children afterward. (Such feedback is anecdotal evidence but, when you hear the same response over a period of years from several hundred different sources, it becomes prudent to listen.)

In a similar vein, the Rutgers report finds: "Many men also fear the financial consequences of divorce. They say that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They fear that an ex-wife will 'take you for all you've got' and that 'men have more to lose financially than women' from a divorce."

Increasingly, men are stating their reasons for not marrying on the Internet. In an article entitled "The Marriage Strike," Matthew Weeks expresses a sentiment common to such sites, "If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men."

Weeks provides the math. One in two marriages will fail with the wife being twice as likely to initiate the proceedings on grounds of "general discontent" -- the minimum requirement of no-fault divorce. The odds of the woman receiving custody of children are overwhelming, with many fathers effectively being denied visitation. The wife usually keeps the "family" assets and, perhaps, receives alimony as well as child support. Many men confront continuing poverty to pay for the former marriage.

>>>Continued<<<

[George W. Bush]

Another thing you can't discount is that half the kids nowadays come from broken homes, like me, and have seen how their own mothers treated dad. Is it any wonder young kids are reluctant to marry when they have first hand knowledge of what to expect if the marriage doesn't work out ?

Sound advice (statistically): Don't ever marry a woman whose mother was divorced.

[George W. Bush]

I agree legal reversal is virtually an impossibility without a major revolution. However, I'm not as pessimistic on a moral one. More and more of my 30 and 40 something women are denouncing the whole feminist idea and desiring a more traditional role in marriage. Such women are much less likely to seek a divorce for simply reasons of boredom or laziness or "irreconcilable difference". They're also much more likely to take their role in marriage seriously and carefully marry a man who shares this. In this, I see the current situation as being part of a cycle.

These are the bitter women who have been burned by the feminists. They are now willing to play the role but, biologically, they have little left to offer a male.

They learned too late. Their prime breeding years are past.

[George W. Bush]

Apparently, the word 'no' is not in the lexicon of most single women between the ages of 15-25.

Well, I hear that Kobe Bryant found one...

[Tall_Texan]

...but that was after she started saying yes. Whether raped or not, she could have made a smarter choice herself and I don't envy her future once this trial is over.

[BradyLS]

Why would anyone put up with a woman's crap? They take over your life, make you feel guilty about having an extra beer, think they can mold you when they won't change themselves, ad nauseum.

Worth repeating! Amen!

[ctonious]

Women from different countries certainly are different.

No! Uhh...absolutely not! They're just as bad! Plus...uhh.. they can't speak English...they don't know who Bugs Bunny is....they watch football played with a round ball...and uhh..other stupid stuff. So NO...no reason to go there...your dog food is just fine where you would-be party crashers live. I'll report back to y'all if anything changes....trust me. >:^(

[BradyLS]

I'll repeat that: why did men let this happen? I'll admit I've not done the research, but it's a pretty safe guess tht when no fault divorce laws were inacted: most law makers were men; most judges were men; most governors were men. Why on earth did men get themselves in this pickle? And, why don't they get themselves out of it?

Heh, heh! You sound just like Kyle's mom!

"What! What! What!!!" &}8-0

[BradyLS]

Why should a guy risk the messiness of divorce when he can simply live with a woman, and even have kids with her, then just walk way if things get dicey.

Aren't you supposed to also mention something about cows and free milk?

[BradyLS]

Why should a guy risk the messiness of divorce when he can simply live with a woman, and even have kids with her, then just walk way if things get dicey.

Aren't you supposed to also mention something about cows and free milk?

[BradyLS]

Another thing you can't discount is that half the kids nowadays come from broken homes, like me, and have seen how their own mothers treated dad. Is it any wonder young kids are reluctant to marry when they have first hand knowledge of what to expect if the marriage doesn't work out ?

We came from a broken home where the dad really was at fault. But I'll tell ya, the way my sister treats her husband (GREAT guy) is shocking. NO WAY I'm gettin' married till I've done a thorough background check with the girlfriend's family.

[FourPeas]

At 39, I'm certainly not bitter. And, I think you'd find Mr. FourPeas doesn't share your opinion about what I don't have to offer him, including the two beautiful children I bore him while in my 30's. More and more women are having children in their 30's (and beyond) and having seen the damage that feminism can do, we carefully raise our children to be wary of it. We are also mindful of passing our knowledge down to younger women.

[tortoise]

Why should any man marry when so many women act as (free) whores?

It is never "free"; you always pay one way or another. Easy, yes. Free, no. Most guys figure this out eventually and find a comfy optimum along the spectrum of possibly lifestyle choices.

Of course, that is about the time when the village skanks start to go to seed and they wonder why nobody wants them any more...

[longtermmemmory]

Why is no one telling the other truth. Feminists are just NOT attractive. If anything feminists repel men.

[tortoise]

Why is no one telling the other truth. Feminists are just NOT attractive. If anything feminists repel men.

A lot of the real hardcore feminists I know are hilarious. They will naturally slip into a very natural female role when they aren't paying attention, suddenly realize what they are doing, and then whipsaw into some kind of bipolar feminazi routine. This makes them walking contradictions and damn irritating at times, but it is a bucket of laughs to bait the unsuspecting ones into having multiple schizophrenic episodes.

[Pukin Dog]

I just finished reading the whole thread. I'll tell you the truth. Most men and women are too caught up in instant gratification to be a good mate for anyone. That includes me. I want what I want, and I want it now. Any woman who wants to stand between me and what I want, is temporary. I feel no shame in admitting it. I'm a fighter, not a lover. I love my life because I dont depend on anyone else to make me happy. If I want to nurture something, I'll choose my car. The perfect woman is the one who after sex, turns into a pizza and a six pack.

[BOOTSTICK]

Here where I live, all a guy has to do is head out to some oakie bar, be well dressed, flash some cash, drive a relatetivly new car, and the girls come running. These are women who squeezed out their first kid at age 14 or so. Now they are in their late twenties, single , with kids. They will service any guy who they think will rescue them from their $6.00 job at the Kash n" Karry, and life in the trailer park {palookaville}. Then there are the sluts at the mall who have actually approached me for "sex for cash", at the video arcade. Of my 4 siblings , one has a decient marrage, the rest are a pathetic lot, with nine marrages between the three of them. Who needs it!

[BradyLS]

"Naw. You'll be stone dead in a moment..."

[snowstorm12]

Dude what have you been smoking? I was agreeing with the author of the article that it's true that marriage is risky and not worth it these days. I will look out for my best interests in life just like American men and take advantage of others and opportunities wherever I can. It's the American way.

Thanks for the link to Fred Reed's article because his article was a joke. I had a good laugh. He is a bitter old man who has the biggest CHIP on his shoulder. He wouldn't be able to get laid if his life depended on it. It's sad and pathetic he has to go all the way to Asia to find any woman who even wants to spend time with him and he still hasn't been successful in trying to convince even one of these millions of Asian women to marry him. I wonder how much longer it will take since these all of these Asian ladies are just dying to get married. He knows these ladies are just looking to find some stupid sap of an american male for a free ticket to american citizenship and money then trade him in for a new model. ROFL. I guess he is too stupid to realize the irony of his bitter scathing American women whine-a-thon article.

Your lame prediction couldn't be futher from the truth. ROFL and your predition of how horrible my children will turn out is a joke as well. Desperate isn't my reality. There is never a shortage of men wanting female companionship anywhere that I've seen. I love men and what they can do for me and what I can get out of it. You're simply wrong, I love men.

[BradyLS]

It's what I call, "The Bad Boy Syndrome".........I think women see these types as a challenge; to 'tame' somebody like that (if they can) is a real ego booster for them.

One of the ironies that draws these women to them is that they know how to make, and stick to, decisions. No matter how bad or damaging. The simply know how to firmly and authoritatively say "NO" instead of "yes, dear." Then they get all little girly and he's their "daddy."

[Radioactive]

The #1 reason why men don't marry...is divorce.

The #1 reason why there is so much divorce?.......Lawyers.

Lawyers have made marrage a risky business indeed.

Easy divorce which was fought for by the lawyers, have made the very idea of marrage a non sequitor with many males today.

Also.......the feminist movement has destroyed the family and has caused the divorce rate to become over 50% of all married individuals.