Urban Possum Varmit...Freeper needs advice on how to get rid of possum living under porch.

8/9/03 | self

[Imagine]

I've got a possum living under my porch diggin up stuff during the night. Any suggestions on capturing or killing the critter???

[Maigrey]

Ya know, that's why I love real men. Willing to fight for their superiority over invading varmits! (and proud of the scars too!) The weenies would howl about "animal rights..."

[Tijeras_Slim]

Mid-90's in town. We're finally getting some rain in the afternoons.

[reg45]

Drat! You beat me to it!

[F.J. Mitchell]

How does a redneck propose?

" Weuns been cousuns faw a long time naow, Sadie Mae, an....."

[jjbrouwer]

You might be a redneck if...

...you have to put on shoes to go to the bathroom at night.

[HiTech RedNeck]

I've got a possum living under my porch diggin up stuff during the night. Any suggestions on capturing or killing the critter???

Toss an ammonia-soaked rag under there, which will flush out the possum. Then shoot it.

[gitmo]

Great picture!

This reminds me of a possum we had laying in our road outside my house. He was a great actor! He REALLY looked dead. After a few weeks, he progressed his act of feigning death and emitted scents that were even more convincing. Somehow he made his body flatter and flatter.

One day, the pancake-flat actor was gone! So we threw a huge Possum Going Away Party. 'Twas a gala affair.

[Fraulein]

I guess I'm just particularly sensitive when it comes to raccoons since they're my very favorite animal. When I lived in my old house, I even used to leave food out especially for them. I even have a bumpersticker on my car that says "I love raccoons." So nevermind me. I'm truly a raccoon fanatic.

[reg45]

Where do you release him?

Sen. Clinton (D-NY) has a basement! Being that she is really from Arkansas and is the "smartest woman in the world", she will know what to do!

[F.J. Mitchell]

"Yeah, but then you have three dashhounds to get rid of."

Not a problem-you just find a cowboy who is following the advice of that song writer who said: Get a long little doggie, get a long little doggie, get a long....

[mrtysmm]

Gramma kettle is a big iron pot used in past years over an open fire.....prairie style.

[Squantos]

Almost New Mex Monsoon season .......hang in there ! It'll be colder than a well diggers ass soon enough !

Stay Safe Slim !!

[bert]

You have precisely described the events here. I set the trap for another coon, the one that dug around the trap and lots of my wife's plants, however, I caught a possum instead.

[VRWCmember]

Contact Carl Spackler.

[LibKill]

Yeah, but then you have three dachshunds to get rid of.

Your name is cruelty! :)

[jjbrouwer]

Ah, thanks for the explanation. I tried looking it up on google but couldn't find anything.

[reg45]

Don't waste the prescription quality Coumadin, it's too expensive. Just get some rat poison containing Warfarin (the two are chemically the same). The Warfarin is much stronger and will kill the critter faster. Then send someone in to retrieve the carcass or else you will have a big stink under the house.

or

Call Animal Control.

You live in the high tax, crypto-Socialist state of Connecticut. You may as well get some benefit from those high taxes you pay.

[CONSERVE]

Yes it works on raccoons also.

[Phsstpok]

According to the old Mother Earth News magazine, possum's, rats and other assorted pests lack one crucial biological capability of higher animals: they can't burp. Therefore, the magazine suggested putting out pails of beer (pick a cheap brand with lot's of carbonation). The varmints will be drawn to the smell and drink the beer, but since they can't burp they will gradually swell up, until they pop.

Now, I assume that this was done as a joke and that the tale is untrue, but the illustration of the afflicted critter, obviously blotto, but also swollen to near bursting, was priceless. By the way, if this is true, at least I know that family pets will be safe, since cats can burp (our's does, regularly, and looks pleased about it) and dogs have another way of expelling the excess gas (but they always blame it on their human).

[tkathy]

Mothballs.