New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[GrandMoM]

An expert on seniors says grandparents need to know the powerful influence they have on the lives of their grandchildren.

In his new book, The Grandparent Factor (Baxter Press, 2003), author Phil Waldrep looks at the pivotal role grandparents can play in children's lives, and outlines five principles to help grandparents make a difference.

Waldrep says he wants to help people understand that the greatest moral force in the life of most kids today is a grandparent, a fact that his own research authenticates. The author cites one revealing experience when he worked for two weeks with members of a Boys and Girls club.

"Many of these kids were not in church, and I came to realize that they really don't trust their parents -- but they trust their grandparents. And many grandparents do not realize the power that they have to help form the moral character of their grandchildren," Waldrep says.

The senior adults expert also discusses a study that focused on the reactions of children to the events of September 11, 2001. The study found that a majority of elementary age children turned to their grandparents for comfort that terrible day.

According to Waldrep, the study shows how important grandparents can be in giving children a sense of stability and safety. He explains that children often grow up hearing their grandparents' stories of surviving events such as the Korean War, Vietnam, and other historical conflicts and crises, so they turn to their grandparents to hear that things will be alright.

"Mom and Dad may not really communicate, but Grandma and Grandpa -- they have gone through crises before," Waldrep says. And this is what happened in the aftermath of the terrorist attacks on 9-11, according to the author. "Elementary kids across America turned to their grandparents to hear them say, 'It's going to be okay. You don't have to worry,'" he says.

Many people might suppose that these findings are obvious -- especially those whose own families have always emphasized the role of grandparents. However, recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted.

Associated Press reports that Michigan's highest court has recently ruled that grandparents have no right to visit their grandchildren if a parent does not want them to. The 6-1 state Supreme Court decision upheld an appeals court ruling that the state law (supporting a grandparent's visitation rights) is unconstitutional. The case involves a dispute between Theresa Seymour and her former mother-in-law, Catherine DeRose, over whether the grandmother could visit with Seymour's daughter.

In 1997 Seymour's ex-husband pleaded guilty to first-degree criminal sexual conduct involving a child -- not his own -- and was sentenced to 12 to 20 years in prison. Seymour filed for divorce and was awarded sole custody of their daughter. The wife did not want her husband's mother to have contact with the child, but a judge granted DeRose visitation privileges. However, an appeals court vacated that decision last year, and the Michigan Supreme Court has now upheld that ruling.

Waldrep hopes The Grandparent Factor will communicate to everyone, including grandparents themselves, the importance of their presence and influence in the lives of young people.

[GrandMoM]

....the need for both parents working these days to keep their head above the water, creates a very busy and stress enviorment, I do believe we Grandparents can not only take some of the pressure off the parents, but, more importantly give the children some individual attention.

[bedolido]

My wife and I have 4 kids and 8 great-kids. I can't immagine life without all of them around me.

[At _War_With_Liberals]

Agreed. This is why traditional family structure is so vital to the society.

[GrandMoM]

. I can't immagine life without all of them around me.

....even my 73 year old husband (who never had grandchildren of his own) feels that way when my grandchildren are around. Of course they love him as their very own Papa.

[GrandMoM]

Agreed. This is why traditional family structure is so vital to the society.....sadly, not all parents see a need to include the grandparents in the family structure.

[Loyolas Mattman]

Flat out, I owe everything I am today to my grandfather and my father. Grandparents are a gift...

[monkeywrench]

Amen. I miss mine terribly, and think of them all the time.

[GrandMoM]

Flat out, I owe everything I am today to my grandfather and my father. Grandparents are a gift...

....My mother did not get along with my fathers mother,(the only grandparent I had) so we didn't visit with her to often. It was only after I had my first grandchild that I realized what I had missed.

[RightWingMama]

My granddaughter is the light of my life.

[GrandMoM]

Amen. I miss mine terribly, and think of them all the time. ....well, they left you with something , MEMORIES!!

[eyespysomething]

My in-laws are literally a gift from God. Not only did they show me Jesus, but they are about the best substitute parents I could have, and I know they are the best grandparents my 3 sons could have!! I have always wondered what the talk about awful in-laws was about.

[GrandMoM]

My granddaughter is the light of my life.....all four of mine are. Each of them are sooooo different, but, they all just make my heart swell!!!!!!!

[Huck]

This rings true to me. My story in a nutshell: My parents were neglectful. They also had economic problems. A few times I was sent from our home in the northeast to the Deep South to live with my Grandma. Once when 6, again when 10 and then again when 12. I don't want to knock my parents. But it is just a fact that the best lessons I learned came from my Grandma. She was TOUGH. But the key lessons I remember I learned from her. About saving money. About being a man. About not complaining. About getting on in the world. All her training was practical training. She packed a lot of value into our time together, because she knew how desperately I needed it. Grandma was laid to rest two years ago in Meridian, Mississippi. I miss her and I think about her a lot. I hope she's proud of me.

[Dr. Frank fan]

....the need for both parents working these days to keep their head above the water, creates a very busy and stress enviorment, I do believe we Grandparents can not only take some of the pressure off the parents, but, more importantly give the children some individual attention.

You are so right.

What I am noticing is that there is huge irony here. One reason (not the only one) that the parents are both off working is that they have to pay for a "Social Security" system which provides pensions for grandparents to live alone (at least, in little apartments/condos in old folks' homes etc). Without "Social Security" those grandparents would, in many cases, have moved in with the children and grandchildren, which is what happens far more often in other places and which is also quite common among recent e.g. Asian immigrants (I have noticed).

In short: Kids need grandparents around in part because their parents are gone for so long. But their parents are gone for so long partially to support a system one of whose effects is to keep the grandparents away.

Who loses: everybody. (Except for politicians who get votes out of the whole deal by keeping old people dependent on their promises/demagoguery.)

[Huck]

I didn't mention Grandpa because they were split up, and he died while I was still young. My dad died when I was 16. That's how come I got most of my best training from Grandma. She did a great job.

[lonestar]

My maternal grandmother died before I was born. I know it sounds stupid, but I've always considered it among the top losses of my life. A lot of what I've had, I would give up to have known her.

[twigs]

A teacher I knew speculated recently that she attributes one reason for young children's growing lack of respect to everyone around them as no longer having access to grandparents like they once did. She said, and I agree, that you might talk back to parents, but you think twice about doing it to grandma and grandpa. The learning restraint with them helps carry over to other relationships... eventually.

[jwalsh07]

I miss her and I think about her a lot. I hope she's proud of me.

I'm sure she is Huck. From what I have learned about you here at FR, you are a fine man.

It is my fervent wish that my 5 Grandkids speak of me as you speak of your Grandma. That in itself would give meaning to my life.

[lepton]

....the need for both parents working these days to keep their head above the water, creates a very busy and stress enviorment, I do believe we Grandparents can not only take some of the pressure off the parents, but, more importantly give the children some individual attention.

...but not against the wishes of the parents.

[GrandMoM]

!! I have always wondered what the talk about awful in-laws was about.....well, living in a retirement community, I see parents butting in their childrens lifestyles when they should butt out. We have all made mistakes, some where we learned our greatest lessons.

Of course I also see many children running to mom and dad with their hands out for money when ever they need or want something.

....both of these situations can ruin relationships.