New Book Reveals How Much Grandparents Matter in Kids' Lives

Agape Press-Christian News Service ^ | 8/04/03 | Allie Martin

[lepton]

I fight it with everything I had and take it to the highest court there is.

On what basis? You are not their guardian, nor even the parents guardian. Any law purporting to grant you the right would be abusive to common-law, and merely a wrong-headed generation of a law to enforce a generally good idea.

Except in extreme cases (ones which would cause consideration of guardianship), it is the parents full right and responsibility to determine the extent to which you may be involved. They are responsible for that judgement. With all due respect, I think involving the courts in such is, more than anything, being pissy.

I would hope that parents - even those that don't get along with their parents - give the chance for the bonds to grow between grandchildren and grandparents (for a multitude of reasons), but it is certainly not the place for the government to intervene between the parent and their child.

[Judith Anne]

No words for it.

[lepton]

The only silver lining is that they will be moving about 400 miles closer

Oog. That's a long drive.

[GrandMoM]

....I simply don't care if you or whoever does or does not think it would be pissy for courts to intervene, if my grandchildrens parents took away my visiting priveleges, which they wouldn't because we have a wonderful relationship , I wouldn't be a good grandparent if I didn't fight for the right to have them. I would fight for them until my last breath.

....End of debate!

[Dr. Frank fan]

I agree with you that state intervention to guarantee a "right" of visitation to grandparents is wrong.

At the same time, and I think this is more to the book's point, I really have to question the wisdom of parents who Won't Let Their Kids See Their Grandparents. Unless there is some really good reason for going to this extreme (i.e. the grandparent in question is him/herself abusive, etc.), it seems unwise. In the case described in the article it's difficult to think of a good reason from what is told for why the mother should allow no contact with the grandmother whatsoever. I suspect that in many such cases there is an element of "revenge" or "getting even with" a former spouse which drives a divorced parent to cut off grandparents. Seems to me that the lesson to be drawn from a book like this is not that laws are required, but simply that parents really ought to think twice before taking that step.

[GrandMoM]

It is the light of my life to be a granny... ....like you been reborn and see life in a whole new light.

[RightWingMama]

I know what you mean, I feel the same about my granddaughter. It made my day a couple of weeks ago to hear her 22 month old voice tell me "Happy birthday Pappy" from 1000 miles away. Wish they lived closer.

My grandaugher lives 1 mile from me. I get to take her to school everyday and Papa and I are very much a part of her life. I don't know what I would do if she lived 1000 miles away.

[COBOL2Java]

[Brad’s Gramma]

Brad lives WITH us...and always has. We are going to need severe meds, counseling, all of it, when they do move out.

Thank goodness (that's SELFISHLY speaking) it doesn't look like it's gonna be soon.

[Mears]

This is a delightful thread.

I have great memories of the three grandparents that I had.My father died at 32 and his mother was wonderful to my mother(her daughter-in-law) until the day that she died.

One of my fondest memories of my grandmother was her making something she called "War Cake" during WWII---everything was hand mixed and it was fruity and delicious.

My five kids had great relationships with both grandmothers(the grandfathers were deceased). They always said they had two kinds of grandmothers,one that baked Irish bread and knitted and one that took them to lunch in the city(Boston).

I have six grandchildren myself and I agree with all of you,I adore them and we have a lot of fun together. By the way I'm a take them to the city grandmother,not a cookie baking grandmother. Different strokes!!!!!!!

[RightWingMama]

LOL. My grandaughter and Mom lived with us after a nasty divorce for about 5 years! Mom went back to school, got a great job, bought a house and is getting married this Saturday to a wonderful man. Brittan was 9 months old when they moved into our home so I watched her grow up to be a big 5 year old on a daily basis.
It was very hard when they moved, even though it was just 1 mile away.;-)

[lepton]

At the same time, and I think this is more to the book's point, I really have to question the wisdom of parents who Won't Let Their Kids See Their Grandparents. Unless there is some really good reason for going to this extreme (i.e. the grandparent in question is him/herself abusive, etc.), it seems unwise. In the case described in the article it's difficult to think of a good reason from what is told for why the mother should allow no contact with the grandmother whatsoever. I suspect that in many such cases there is an element of "revenge" or "getting even with" a former spouse which drives a divorced parent to cut off grandparents. [...] simply that parents really ought to think twice before taking that step.

Absolutely. To me this is clearly the case. One should be very hesitant to block the relationship with the grandparent.

...Seems to me that the lesson to be drawn from a book like this is not that laws are required, but...

My intent was to divide the two premises in the article: 1) That grandparents are valuable to the development of grandchildren, and 2) that laws and courts should enforce this. I agree that the second is not a lesson that should be drawn, but it is clearly implied by the tone of the article.

[GrandMoM]

). They always said they had two kinds of grandmothers,one that baked Irish bread and knitted and one that took them to lunch in the city(Boston).....I no longer like to bake, but my grandchildren and I go out to lunch and shopping often.

Funny story about my husband grandparents when he was little. The different names he and his brother had for their Italian grandparents were, NONO cut the wood, a builder, and NONO mustash(sp)no explaining there and Little NONI , not even five feet tall and last but not least he says, was Big NONI over 200 pounds.

[lepton]

My grandaughter and Mom lived with us after a nasty divorce for about 5 years! Mom went back to school, got a great job, bought a house and is getting married this Saturday to a wonderful man. Brittan was 9 months old when they moved into our home so I watched her grow up to be a big 5 year old on a daily basis.

IT's great that they had a warm, loving place with wonderful people they could fall back on.

It was very hard when they moved, even though it was just 1 mile away.;-)

I know what you mean. That difference between being involved in every little thing to missing those little things is big...but at least it's only a mile. :)

[Dr. Frank fan]

clearly implied by the tone of the article.

No argument there, although the legal example was set up with this line: "recent events suggest that not everyone takes the significance of grandparents for granted". This is vague enough that it's unclear whether the "not everyone" is meant to refer to the justices of the case in question, or the mother involved in the case. If the author was referring only to the mother (the circumstances in a celebrated court case illustrates how some people - like that mother - don't take the significance of grandparents for granted), then I have no problem with it. On the other hand, if there is some legal agenda being pushed here (which very well may be), I'm uncomfortable with that.

The most likely explanation is mere journalistic sloppiness which sees no difference between moral/wise imperatives and legalistic rulings :-) Maybe the author made no distinction between the two issues you delineate simply because the author doesn't/can't see them....

Best,

[GrandMoM]

Thanks for post the picture of the book, I still can't do that!!

[Fraulein]

ping!

[Mears]

Thanks for the smiles about the Noni and Nono names.

Lots of memories coming back to me with this thread.

[GrandMoM]

....did I spell NONO & NONI right?

[Dan from Michigan]

My Grandparents are some of the biggest influences in my life.