90% felt entitled, and 10% were lying. The numbers would be the about the same for men.
Cheating is always about a sense of entitlement, whether it happens in matrimony or Monopoly.
Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene
WHY WE CHEAT
By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.
July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.
"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."
Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.
And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.
In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.
"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.
"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."
Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.
Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.
"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.
But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.
"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.
Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."
Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."
Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.
Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.
"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."
But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.
"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.
"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."
Correction. More women are openly admitting it.
Women today are basically super self-absorbed and operate on the premise of: "What have you done for me lately?"
Marriage is Holy. Adultery isn't.
Ha, while I agree that the government has no business in the marriage business, I don't think the "church" is going to alter the statistics of cheating. Take the case of the married(now ex-) minister I know who had a fling (and a baby by) one of the married church workers.
With garbage like that out there, who could blame them?
Stupid thing is, marraige isn't to "build one's self esteem." That's pathetic.
Too many wrong factors happen in a marraige....one of them is unrealistic expectations of their partner.
Personally, I think too many women (like she describes, not the honest ones) are too in love and preoccupied with more of the idea of marraige, instead of the reality of it.
Then they go and screw it up for the rest of us, ruining another good man.
Just my humble O.
Better yet, they should never marry in the first place.
Patricia Ireland must be very proud of these members of the organization she now heads up.
In a related story, researchers have found that women and men are different.
Shhesh.
FMCDH
Shouldn't here conclusion read, "60 percent of all married women who respond to YWCA ads and their friends will engage in at least one affair. Also, I noticed she didn't say what percentage of them were democrats.
You got that right.
I am single, financially secure for life, and I looked better in my Navy flight suit than George Bush did.
But you could not get me to walk down the aisle with a woman at gunpoint.
No way, Jose.
What does that mean?
90% felt entitled, and 10% were lying. The numbers would be the about the same for men.
Cheating is always about a sense of entitlement, whether it happens in matrimony or Monopoly.
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