Posted on 07/10/2003 2:59:26 PM PDT by stainlessbanner
I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.
If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.
"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.
"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."
"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."
They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.
"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."
Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?
I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.
"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"
"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.
It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.
"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."
Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."
"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."
So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.
"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."
To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.
"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."
Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."
The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."
Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.
"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."
About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.
"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"
My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.
"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."
Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?
I've been away from the South for too long, I fear (it's measured in decades), my tastes are skewed to other fare. (I find Persian food delicious, for example). All I remember is grits at breakfast. But at least the wife makes them for me from time to time -- and I try not to make a face when she pours Connecticut/Vermont maple syrup on them.
Damn, I was just starting to like you. The Roux Gods will smite you down.
A proper roux, is done in a skillet, stirred continuously until it gets that dark golden burn with NO LUMPS. Only then, will you have a proper Gumbo.
There are some very Fat men in Louisiana who would burn your house down, if they knew you did your roux in a Microwave.
Don't forget corn-in-the-cob and taters boiled with the crawfish....
Don't worry, Carlo, grits will always be there for you. Think of them as mashed potatoes with more character. It's true that hedonists can load the pristine grits with all kinds of artery assassins, but a little salt and a smidgen of butter is all that is needed, except for an accompanying side dish of fried eggs, bacon, hash browns, etc.:)
I'm telling you that you don't know what the h*ll you are talking about. Variety had already reported Halle Berry was going to be the next Bond girl as early as Nov 2001 -- four months before she won her Oscar. She was injured on the Bond set less than three weeks after winning her Oscar.
She'd already been in 6 TV series and 17 movies before she played her Oscar winning role.
She was Miss Teen All American 1985, Miss Ohio 1986, Miss USA first runner-up 1986, in People's 50 Most Beautiful People 1998.
Oh, and she was an honor society member in HS, editor of her school newspaper, class president, and prom queen.
And Halle certainly does not meet any definition of a standard of beauty
There is no such thing.
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