Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits

via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

[stainlessbanner]

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?

[gitmo]

Grits with butter, salt and pepper please.

On those rare occasions where there's leftover grits, we can use them to fill the holes in the driveway. Or for skeet-shooting.

[annyokie]

Hominy is corn that is washed in lye and boiled, producing large white kernels. I love it!

[SC DOC]

Even die-hard grits haters find this recipe hard to resist:

Charleston Style Stone Ground Grits

1 cup stone ground grits (no others will work)
1/2 cup butter
2 cups water
2 cups milk
1 cup cream
1 tsp salt

Rinse grits in bowl of water to allow hulls to rise to top and grits settle to bottom of bowl. Carefully pour off water and discard, reserving grits. Mix butter, water, and milk and bring to boil. Reduce heat to low, add rinsed grits and cook about 10 minutes until thick, stirring frequently. Add salt and cream and cook additional 10 minutes, or until thick again.

This is best served as an accompaniment with shrimp or other seafood, but also goes well with meat.

[Cowboy Bob]

Cheez, ENUFF about Halle Berry already! When did shorty Halle become some sort of standard of beauty? She is most assuredly NOT a beautiful woman, tho she does play one on TV! Ms. Berry is nice-looking and a decent actress, but absolutely the most overrated belle out there. Surely anyone who saw her in the Bond flick saw the incongruity between her and the standard of beauty set by earlier Bond girls? This is what we get when affirmative action is applied ot national standards of beauty.

Amen on that! I for one do not understand what all the hoopla is about! Halle Berry is simply "average" in both looks and acting skills.

[annyokie]

Scrapple is cornmeal and chopped hog parts, chilled then fried. Totally gross. It's on a par with headcheese.

[xJones]

While living in California several years ago, my boss's wife called me because she knew I am a Southerner. The poor woman had experimented, buying a lb. of fresh okra, chopped it into pieces, and boiled it in a pot of nothing but water. She asked me how anyone could eat okra because it had the taste and texture of hot snot. After I stopped laughing, I gave her some suggestions.

[stainlessbanner]

That's a good story. My co-worker was hosting some Canadians and he took them to dinner at a small seafood restraunt. The two foreigners had never had seafood before. My friend told the visitors the crab was very good this time of season. True to Southern custom, he let his guests order first.

Waitress: What will you have?

Canadian: We'll have a crab (ordering for his countryman, too).

Waitress: What else?

Canadian: That's all. We are splitting a crab

Waitress: < laughing in disbelief >

[Pukin Dog]

Hot snot. Exactly. That is what Okra is to me. I'm no yankee, but I hate the stuff. Dont even want it in my Gumbo. I've tried it fried also, and I just dont get the appeal. Sorry.

[Pukin Dog]

I think you need to spend some time in Brazil before paying up the merits of anglo-saxon poontang, my friend.

[FreedomPoster]

roflol

[AZamericonnie]

Ok now you've done it!! You said the two words that could tear me away from the Atkins plan in a feverish race to consume delicious fried okra!

[FreedomPoster]

Properly prepared fried okra is hard to come across. There's way too much "out of the freezer bag" fried okra out there. And you've got to like fried stuff to begin with.

[CobaltBlue]

Now that you mention it, I do like cornbread with chopped jalepenos, cheese, and kernel corn. You know what's good on that? Jalapeno jelly!

[Pukin Dog]

If you are a steak man like myself, find yourself a supplier of Kobe beef. However, you may develop a VERY expensive habit, as I did. After Kobe, your regular beef will resemble shoe leather to your palate. It was originally developed in Japan, but North Americans smuggled a couple of Kobe cows and some Kobe semen out of there, and are raising their own herds here and in Canada.

[FreedomPoster]

BTW - I've found that when cooking real grits, like the ones from the link I posted earlier, there's a bit of modern technology from the Orient that does a marvelous job. That would be the modern electric rice cooker. Yes, I have found that my Neuro-Fuzzy Zojirushi rice cooker makes excellent grits, and keeps them warm and properly humid for a long time.

[lib-r-teri-ann]

After Kobe [beef], your regular beef will resemble shoe leather to your palate. It was originally developed in Japan, but North Americans smuggled a couple of Kobe cows and some Kobe semen out of there, and are raising their own herds here and in Canada.

After this week's events , Kobe beef and Kobe semen may be harder to get a hold of in North America. Unless it gets a suspended sentence.

[CobaltBlue]

Hominy grits are grits, but hominy isn't always grits. I never ate hominy so that's all I know.

[Pukin Dog]

Caucasian women are good for those men who also have a difficult time riding a bad-tempered horse. I dont mean to be crude, but the women of other races tend to be a bit more active, noisy and enthusiastic. Caucasian women look great on your arm, but when the lights go out, you need ways to find her in the dark.