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So, if the farmers allow their cows to actually take a dump, does that mean firing squad at dawn? |
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So, if the farmers allow their cows to actually take a dump, does that mean firing squad at dawn? |
Any estimates yet on how much gas 40,000,000 buffalo emitted before Buffalo Bill Cody came and saved the planet?
This must be documented for a cow or sheep, you understand. Don't want anyone to be over or under charged.
Does this fellow believe that government money is a separate entity from public money? Does he think that the government just prints the money to fund government programs with no cost to the citizens? Is this the reason that socialists keep getting elected in these countries? Can someone be that stupid?
NOTE: The following weak attempt at humor is inspired by the legislature in New Zealand who proposed introducing a tax on each head of livestock in order to come into compliance with the Kyoto Protocol.
Making his way across the yard to pet the farm dogs, he heads out towards the barn, he sees the sun just starting to break the horizon and pauses, standing alone in the pre-dawn quiet. For just a moment, he ponders his family ties to the land for the last few decades, his commitment to his loving family, and, without hesitation, heads off to the barn while smiling at the sunrise.
Just then, he sees a dust trail coming up the long road, wondering who would be coming to see him so early in the morning. Squinting a bit, still puzzled, he starts to make out the shape of a rent-a-car looking sedan. As the car pulls up in-front of him he can see the words “Your loving federal government” printed on the side of the door.
“Gmorning guys” says the farmer, to 2 people in black sunglasses, pressed suits and that funny thing stuck into their ears.
Farmer: “Can I help you boys?”
Kyoto collector: “Sir, it’s 587 miles to Chicago, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. We’re on a mission from greenpea.. er um I mean your loving federal government.”
Farmer: “Huh?”
Kyoto collector: “Nevermind, sir.”
Farmer: ”What seems to be the problem, boys”
Kyoto collector: “It’s your cows, sir”
Farmer: “My cows? Well, I’m don’t mean to boast, but we’ve got a pretty good heard this year, we had some feed problems earlier in the summer, but we caught it early, and it’s a good thing we did because…”
(Interrupting) Kyoto collector: “Give us your money”
Farmer: “Pardon me?”
Kyoto collector: “Your money, sir. give it to us.”
(Tilting his hat back on his head, the farmer gives the boys his best Clint Eastwood squint)
Farmer: “Now boys, I know you’re just doing your job and all, but I can assure you that the wife and I have paid all our taxes in full, and oh, wait a second, are you hear to deliver my W Check?
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about that, sir.”
Farmer: “What’s it about then?”
Kyoto collector: “Your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(laughing) Farmer: “Now boys, you know I don’t have any control over that kinda thing. Hell, just last night the wife made this corn beef cabbage and, well, huh, huh let me tell ya, when the misty green haze comes, it just does! Besides, that kinda things only natural.”
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about you, sir.”
Farmer: “Right, right, the cows, they fart, and you want my money.”
Kyoto collector: “Exactly, sir.”
Farmer: “What are you going to do with my money?”
Kyoto collector: “Give it to Fidel, sir.”
Farmer: “FIDEL?! What da hell?”
Kyoto collector: “You wouldn’t understand, sir. Just give us your money, your caws, they fart.”
Farmer: “WELL TRY ME!”
(looking down at paperwork) Kyoto collector: “Well sir, it says here, that you gotta pay Cuba money because your cows fart. It says here, you have to buy "credits from developing countrys for permission to make greenhouse gas emissions.”
Farmer: (Looks over his shoulder for the hidden camera, convinced Allen Funt is going to tell him that he’s on candid camera)
Kyoto collector: “Sir please, give us your money, your cows, they fart.”
Farmer: “Look boys, there must be some kind of misunderstanding here, this kinda thing has been going on for decades and…”
Kyoto collector: “It’s the planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Heh, heh, Which planet are you from boys?”
Kyoto collector: “This planet, sir.”
Farmer: “What about the planet?”
Kyoto collector: “It needs saving, sir.”
Farmer: “OK! (taking a deep breath) let me make sure I got this straight, boys. Molly and Bessy over there let one rip, I give you my money, you give my money to Fidel and that saves, what exactly?”
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: Planet Fidel???
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Now boys, the wife’s family lives down in Florida, and they don't think to much of your Mr. Fidel, and I don't think they'd take to kindly to me sending this FIDEL person my money! Now I’ve been in trouble with the in-laws before, and let me tell you it’s no treat and…”
(Interrupting again) Kyoto collector: “Sir please, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(Clearly frustrated) Farmer: “Now boys, I’m all for doin’ the right thing here, but I just don’t understand how every time my cow farts, Fidel gets a dollar?!?
Kyoto collector: “al gore said so, sir.”
Farmer: “al gore?!?! Get the rope! Er umm sorry boys, it’s just a reaction from our nations longest month. Hehe, ya know, that funny lookin’ feller almost stole the election! (muttering) good-for-nothing-suit stuffing-blow-hard-little-pansy…he put the country through hell!
Kyoto collector: “Please sir, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
Farmer: “Ok now look here boys, I've gotta get to work, and I don't have time to pussy foot around here. I am not, I repeat not going to give you, or anyone else, my hard earned money just because Bessy and Molly "get a little loose". My money sure as hell aint goin to that scruffy lookin' FIDEL character neither. Now I don’t care who sent ya, greenpeace this, or al gore that, but my money is MY MONEY, and you can just tell that funny lookin’ gore boy to just pound sand! You taking my money is not going to save any planet, with the possible exception of the one al gore is from, now good day! I said good day, boys.”
A Fart Tax?
Oh man, this is a sure sign that Douglas Adams died way too soon!