Posted on 05/30/2003 7:41:18 AM PDT by w_over_w
In case you need proof that the human race is in series trouble because product manufacturers think we're stupid, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (this is series)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (given some of today’s parent’s . . . probably a good warning)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Huh?)
That’s it! But let’s conclude this post with a list a things that make you go Hmmmmmmm . . .
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Unfortunately, in some cases they are right. There are a boat load of sue happy idiots in this country that have generated these warning labels. On the plus side, I get a good snicker when I see a stroller with a label advising not to fold it up while the child is still in it.
Here's my favorite sue happy idoit story:
In the late 80's a woman bought a crock pot. The crock pot had a label saying it was submersible. What does that mean? It means you can unplug it an wash it in a sink full of water.
The woman thought it meant that she could use the crock pot to keep her bath water warm. She plugged it in got in the bath and got the ever loving sh!# shocked out of her.
Through a cruel twist of fate she survived to sue Dow-Corning and WON. sigh.
I really do beleive that a company should not be held responsible for a person's sheer stupidity.
Courtesy of Engrish.com
"Do Not Exceed 225lbs. It May Cause Chair Broken And Hurt Yourself"
I know! The first time I saw the comerical I was thinking, "Man, I really, really, really, need to do that!" It's clearly the intelligent move. Good thing for the warning, because it's not intuitively obvious at all.
:-)
ALL YOUR WARNINGS ARE BELONG TO US!!!
(an oldie but goodie)
I would say "no" only because the commericial is a cartoon animation. However, I've convinced the lady in the copy room that whenever she wears "Georgio of Beverly Hills" perfume the unique ions are the reason for the paper jams. She no longer wears it . . . and I no longer gag!
Back in my college days we were partying in the French Quarter of New Orleans and a fight broke out between two transvestites . . . what you imagined above is exactly what I witnessed. Needless to say, when the cops arrived nobody wanted to be a witness . . . I should have read the warning label on the "Pat O'Brians" hurricane drink. Ahhhh . . . to be young and stupid again. No thanks! =^)
a Petersburg, Ohio, man who is suing the Campbell's Soup Company for the facial burns he sustained when the contents of a soup can exploded because he heated up the can before opening it. He says its entirely Campbell's fault because he "just followed the directions" which say, "heat, stirring occasionally" but do not say that the can should be opened first to occasionally stir the soup.
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