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Too, Too Teresa (Theresa Heinz Gone Wild)
National Journal ^ | 5/23/03 | William Powers

Posted on 05/24/2003 10:36:01 PM PDT by LdSentinal

Where would we be without Teresa Heinz? The fantastically rich, wildly candid wife of Sen. John Kerry is the only compelling figure so far in a presidential race that otherwise threatens to be devoid of color, drama, and really chewable stories.

But "compelling" doesn't begin to capture the unmuzzled abandon, the compulsive, almost imperial determination to say and do as she pleases -- in short, the bottomless newsiness that this woman brings to virtually every encounter she has with the big-time political media.

Mrs. Heinz Kerry -- in a rare concession to the practical realities of politics, she recently added his name to hers -- isn't just overshadowing her husband, she's slowly but surely becoming the story of this campaign, in a way no modern first lady wanna-be, not even Hillary herself, has ever done this early in the game. Heinz (which I'll call her here, to distinguish her from her husband) was stirring the pot before it was even on the stove, long before her husband announced his presidential candidacy, and she shows no signs of stopping.

It all began about a year ago, when a joint profile of the Kerrys appeared one Sunday on the front of The Washington Post's Style section. The piece, by Mark Leibovich, opened with an unforgettable scene in which the senator and his wife are having a spat in their Georgetown living room, right in front of the reporter. The spat is about whether Teresa Heinz needs to mend fences with Sen. Rick Santorum, who now occupies the seat of her late husband, John Heinz, and at some point so offended her (the reasons are not given) that she stopped speaking to him. The scene closes with this piquant moment of connubial strife:

"No, I don't want to get together with him, John," she snaps. "I don't have to do certain things."

"Well."

"OK? I don't have to be that politic."

As the rest of the piece made clear, this could actually be Heinz's motto. I don't have to be that politic. Several paragraphs later, Kerry is claiming he's no longer haunted by bad dreams about his Vietnam War experiences: "I don't think I've had a nightmare in a long time," he tells the reporter. Your standard-issue political spouse would nod empathetically and let that statement lie.

"But then," writes Leibovich, "Heinz begins to mimic Kerry having a Vietnam nightmare. 'Down! Down, down!' she yells, patting her hands down on her auburn hair. 'I haven't gotten slapped yet,' she says. 'But there were times when I thought I might get throttled.' "

When Kerry tries to avoid a question about whether he's been in therapy, Heinz reveals that he has. She also has a penchant for dropping little bombs on herself, noting at one point that her eldest son started "hating her" a few years earlier, when he had his own child. And the piece is packed with suggestions that Heinz has closer ties to her first husband, spiritually at least, than to her current one. For instance, Leibovich quotes her: " 'I love my husband' -- she means John Heinz -- 'I am in love with my husband, and I have three kids.' "

The piece electrified the politico-media class and instantly became legend. Even today, people still refer to it and argue its meanings, to the point where it's becoming one of the sacred texts of modern political journalism.

After it appeared, Teresa Heinz went off the radar screen for a while. But lately she's back, and in top form. The current issue of Elle magazine has a piece headlined "Taming Teresa," in which writer Lisa DePaulo spends a lot of time trying to show the upside of Teresa Heinz. She is, after all, passionate about the environment and other causes that she supports as head of the billion-dollar Heinz Foundation. And there's a lot to be said for a political wife who's not afraid to be herself. She "would undoubtedly do great things if installed in the East Wing," DePaulo writes, rather speculatively, "because she'd simply have to."

But then, in the final 10 paragraphs of this very long piece, Elle finally dishes up the hot stuff it's been withholding, all the self-inflicted zingers that savvy Teresa-watchers have come to expect. "Everybody has a prenup," she says, defending her prenuptial agreement with Kerry, while leaving the distinct impression that she thinks "everybody" is a gazillionaire. She's had Botox treatments and in fact needs another right now. A nose job may be in the offing. And so on.

The New York Times followed up with a front-page piece that cited both The Post and Elle -- the Teresa coverage is a growing daisy chain of collectible moments -- and posed the central question: "Is she refreshingly candid or hopelessly impolitic?"

To political connoisseurs, people who love a vivid, unruly campaign, the answer doesn't matter. She's both, and that's precisely why she makes news. They see the latest dispatch from Teresa Central and thank heaven she exists. Vanity Fair has a piece in the works on both Kerry and Heinz. I think we can guess who will dominate.

What the rest of the country will think of Heinz remains to be seen. "The more outside Washington, outside sort of the Gang of 500, that you go, the more people actually liked her," Leibovich told me this week. "There definitely seemed to be a split between the mainstream, well-educated population's response to her and the Washington insiders' response to her."

But then, the broad public is only just getting to know Teresa Heinz. They'd better fasten their seat belts. She's going to be with us for at least nine more months, and it could be a very bumpy ride.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: 2004; heisfrench; hermanmunster; hoochymama; horseface; johnheinz; johnkerry; johnsusgarmamma; justagigolo; kerry; looksfrench; lurch; ricksantorum; sugardaddy; teresaheinz
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1 posted on 05/24/2003 10:36:01 PM PDT by LdSentinal
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To: LdSentinal
The Heinz -Kerrys are a yawn to me.Guess I'm not hip?!
2 posted on 05/24/2003 10:46:50 PM PDT by MEG33
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To: MEG33
I think I like this gal. There aren't enough Martha Mithcells in the world.
3 posted on 05/24/2003 10:55:33 PM PDT by gcruse (Vice is nice, but virtue can hurt you. --Bill Bennett)
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To: gcruse
Agh. Martha Mitchell.
4 posted on 05/24/2003 10:56:01 PM PDT by gcruse (Vice is nice, but virtue can hurt you. --Bill Bennett)
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To: LdSentinal
A woman with a ton of money and an ounce of intelligence.
5 posted on 05/24/2003 10:56:21 PM PDT by Russell Scott (Jesus will soon appear in persons.)
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To: gcruse
There aren't enough Martha Mithcells in the world.

I hadn't thought of Martha Mitchell in one helluva long time, but you're right, she's a psychological sister of Teresa.

6 posted on 05/24/2003 10:59:43 PM PDT by DeFault User
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To: LdSentinal
She's great, in the same way Sharpton is great. In other words...great for US, really REALLY bad for them. She's louder than Hilary, and Hilary has terrible numbers in her own constituency. Hilary never did well in mainstream America. And Teresa will also do very poorly. '

The left interprets this as being anti-female, but the truth is that we're not electing Heinz. We're seeing if we want to elect Heinz to a venerated position. If SHE wants to talk about herself then SHE should run. Else...be quiet because you're not in the public eye HE is!

7 posted on 05/24/2003 11:08:02 PM PDT by I_Love_My_Husband (She's his Yukky Ono, his Courtney Love, he's committing political suicide, this is great to watch)
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To: LdSentinal
Sounds like there is a screw loose in that pole holding up the red flag.
8 posted on 05/24/2003 11:08:52 PM PDT by whereasandsoforth
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To: I_Love_My_Husband
In other words...great for US, really REALLY bad for them.

Depends upon the mood of the 'merican pipple. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to see people vote for Kerry just so his wife could be their comic relief. That may be a little too frivolous for the current times.

9 posted on 05/24/2003 11:19:38 PM PDT by Dianna (space for rent)
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To: gcruse
Thankfully she's their eccentric. I don't understand a woman who keeps her dead husband's name when she remarries or a man who would accept it.For identity I can see the new hyphenated version.
10 posted on 05/24/2003 11:21:57 PM PDT by MEG33
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To: MEG33
I don't understand a woman who keeps her dead husband's name when she remarries or a man who would accept it.

Oh, I don't know....my wife could use her maiden name and call me whatever she wants....for $600 million.

11 posted on 05/24/2003 11:26:24 PM PDT by DeFault User
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To: LdSentinal
Oh Gee, they sound like such a happy couple so much in love

So when are they going to tell us all those stories about family values?

12 posted on 05/24/2003 11:31:10 PM PDT by Mo1 (I'm a monthly Donor .. You can be one too!)
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To: LdSentinal
I thought from the title of the thread she was in one of those "Girls Gone Wild" videos... hmmm....
13 posted on 05/24/2003 11:31:48 PM PDT by PianoMan (Liberate the Axis of Evil)
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To: DeFault User
You have a point!Of course she wasn't using her maiden name but that of her deceased husband.
14 posted on 05/24/2003 11:31:53 PM PDT by MEG33
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To: LdSentinal
The fantastically rich, wildly candid wife of Sen. John Kerry is the only compelling figure so far in a presidential race that otherwise threatens to be devoid of color, drama, and really chewable stories.

This is part of the reason why I like her.

I remember everyone (everyone, meaning Freepers--see, I just used everyone the way she did referring to prenups) going wild when they thought Hillery was hiding the fact that she had plastic surgery. T. Heinz has stuff done because she wants it and she doesn't expect people to think she simply looks great. I like that honesty.

You would think her current husband would learn to not lie in front of her. Can see a real plus side for the voters in this.

Political people act like they are stepping on eggs all the time and this gal doesn't. Good for her.

15 posted on 05/24/2003 11:32:02 PM PDT by Ruth A.
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To: DeFault User
The man who marries for money earns every penny of it. Kerry is proof of that.
16 posted on 05/24/2003 11:51:05 PM PDT by sine_nomine (Protect the weakest of the weak - the unborn.)
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To: MEG33
You have a point!Of course she wasn't using her maiden name but that of her deceased husband.

My ex-sister inlaw continued to keep her married name even after the divorce .. mainly because the kids shared the same name

So I don't really question her keeping the name .. but I will question why she has a problem calling Kerry her husband ..

17 posted on 05/24/2003 11:52:11 PM PDT by Mo1 (I'm a monthly Donor .. You can be one too!)
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To: LdSentinal
Far from being "refreshingly candid" as some seem to be convinced of, this broad is phony to the core, including her marriage of convenience to the much younger Senator. Her "candid" remarks are calculatedly controversial. Not a word of it, in my judgment, was unrehearsed, and yet the Washpost bought into the staged argument between this bizarre and ambitious couple.

I'll repeat here what I said on another thread a couple of weeks ago on much the same subject...

Teresa Simões-Ferreira Heinz Kerry would certainly be a very different First Lady, in the unlikely event it came to that. For one thing, she'd be unique in having been born in Africa. Of Portuguese descent, she was born in the Portuguese colony of Mozambique. It might be interesting to learn whether her family was part of the colonialist power structure which -- according to current political correctness -- conquered and oppressed the black natives.

What brought her to Pennsylvania, I wonder -- and how did she become acquainted with the ketchup scion? I would assume she was a part of the white ruling class in the African colony (which has since, after ridding itself of European influences, become Marxist); did she become a Pennsylvania debutante after fleeing Mozambique, or what?

One newspaper article put her age at 64, or five years Kerry's senior. I suspect she might be older still, and that birth records from colonial-era Mozambique might be conveniently impossible to verify.

One thing's for sure -- between John Kerry and Teresa Simões-Ferreira Heinz Kerry, they have a bunch of crucial demographics covered.

18 posted on 05/24/2003 11:52:36 PM PDT by southernnorthcarolina (France is a country located between Andorra and Luxembourg, and is of less consequence than either.)
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To: Mo1
After she remarried?
19 posted on 05/24/2003 11:53:31 PM PDT by MEG33
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To: LdSentinal
I think I just came up with the Democratic dream ticket - Al Sharpton and Theresa Heinz-Kerry.

SHARPTON / HEINZ-KERRY 2004

What the h*ll - we're gonna lose anyway!

20 posted on 05/24/2003 11:54:59 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Let's rollowitz!)
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