Do you have gas? (levity? alert)

Convience stores and restaurants | 5/7/2003 | self

[ODDITHER]

Lately, it seems that the command of the english language, by some in the service industry, is somewhat lacking. ALthough I realize that most service workers are victims of a public school education, I find it more and more difficult to answer their questions, without asking questions of my own. Below are a few of examples.

When entering a restaurants I am asked the following question.-

"Do you have a smoking preference?" The first few times I was asked this question, I gave them the answer they wear looking for. I now answer the question the way it is presented.

Well, If pot was legal, that would be my preference, but since it isn't I prefer pipes.

Is there just one in your Party? Now, I am sure this question is meant to avoid questions such as "Are you alone?" or "don't you have any friends?, but don't you need more than one person to have a party?

My all time favorite is asked in convience stores - When approaching the checkout stand the following question tends to come up.

Do you have gas? or Did you have gas today?

I now answer this, with "aren't you getting a little personal?"

Can you imagine, being from a foreign country and trying to interpret these questions?

[N. Theknow]

Smoking or non-smoking?

Actually I prefer chewing and swallowing.

[Mr Ducklips]

Receptionist: "May I ask who is calling?"

Smartass: "Sure, go ahead."

[babaloo999]

I have used all of these inane comebacks at one time, or another.
The ID one is almost guaranteed to get a blank stare in this enlightened society we have today.
Either that, or you'll get the "stare of death" that I am accustomed to.

[Redcloak]

The first time I heard the phrase "paper or plastic", I honestly thought they were asking how I wanted to pay.

[WKB]

I also like

"will you be paying by credit card or check"
I always ask very sincerely "do you take cash"?

[Steve0113]

Do you have gas? or Did you have gas today?

For a while, I started answering this question with, "No, just a little indigestion."

I stopped when I got only blank stares in response.

[Johnny Gage]

"How are ya doin'?"

"Hey, any day without incoming ordnance can't be all bad!"...

ROFL!

[Steve0113]

I don't get it.

It was a drive-through window. "To go" is the only choice.

[Steve0113]

Ever hand one a $20 bill, a quarter, a dime and two pennies for a $7.37 charge (or some such)?

I've seen several reactions to that. My favorite was the clerk who handed me back the apparently excess money, saying, "You gave me too much." I told her to just punch in the amount I gave her and it would make sense. She refused.

Then there was the time my total was $5.61. I gave the clerk six dollars, and the register showed 39 cents change. I said, "Wait a sec, I think I have a penny," pulled one out and offered it to her. She said, "I'm sorry, I already put in six dollars." I said, "That's fine, just give me 40 cents." This completely confused her, and she counted out 39 cents and handed it to me. I actually stood there stunned for a moment.

[Uncle Jaque]

"Smoking or non-smoking?"

"Shucks; Ah CHEeew, lil' darlin'!"

"Would that be 'Spitting' or 'Non-Spitting'?"...

"Do you have gas? or Did you have gas today?

"Waalll... *a-hyuck*... yeah, now that ya mention it... but if ye jus' keep th' door open a spell I reckon it'll clear in an hour or so." (Securing top button of raincoat)...
"HEeeeey; where'd everybody GO???"

[Tennessee_Bob]

Somehow, I'm not surprised.... :P

[Laura Earl]

My favorite is in the checkout line when the checker or bagger says "you have a good one" (as in day). I respond, "Why yes I do, thanks for noticing."

[Corin Stormhands]

My favorite at the drive-through window - "I'd like a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, no onion, an order of onion rings and a large Coke - can I have that to go, please?" There's almost always a stunned silence after asking to get it to go...

Well, we're not trying to mess with their minds, but because we drive a mini-van and our 14 year old sits in the back and the 3 year old in the middle, my wife now has me ask for all four orders to be put in separate bags.

They can't handle the pressure...

[Corin Stormhands]

Do you have gas?

Man of Gondor, please pick up the white courtesy phone...

[Rebelbase]

Some places have the second window taking the order. When its a guy taking the order a girl taking the money at the first window, I always tell her "you should hear your voice in the speaker, you sound just like a guy"....most of them get a good laugh!....a few with no humor just shake their heads.

[ksen]

Man of Gondor, please pick up the white courtesy phone...

You rang?

[RMDupree]

Why does this topic spring up everywhere?

And why are you always around to see it?

LOL!

[RMDupree]

UGH! I'm right underneath that!

[ksen]

It's ok RMD, that just means you smell like a rose now. ;^)

[nomorecameljocks]

>I stopped when I got only blank stares in response.

Come on guys, cut these people some slack. As previously mentioned they are largely products of an educational system which instills little discipline or education. They do learn to be P.C. and good little socialists however.
Those young people behind the counter or waiting your table are probably encountering free enterprise for the first time, are trying to better themselves by work rather than welfare, and will likely learn more than their public education provided(if they last).
Be polite and recognized and reward exceptional service.