Do you have gas? (levity? alert)

Convience stores and restaurants | 5/7/2003 | self

[ODDITHER]

Lately, it seems that the command of the english language, by some in the service industry, is somewhat lacking. ALthough I realize that most service workers are victims of a public school education, I find it more and more difficult to answer their questions, without asking questions of my own. Below are a few of examples.

When entering a restaurants I am asked the following question.-

"Do you have a smoking preference?" The first few times I was asked this question, I gave them the answer they wear looking for. I now answer the question the way it is presented.

Well, If pot was legal, that would be my preference, but since it isn't I prefer pipes.

Is there just one in your Party? Now, I am sure this question is meant to avoid questions such as "Are you alone?" or "don't you have any friends?, but don't you need more than one person to have a party?

My all time favorite is asked in convience stores - When approaching the checkout stand the following question tends to come up.

Do you have gas? or Did you have gas today?

I now answer this, with "aren't you getting a little personal?"

Can you imagine, being from a foreign country and trying to interpret these questions?

[Conspiracy Guy]

At the grocery check out when they say "Paper or Plastic?" Say "No I'm paying cash".

Drive through window when after you have given your order they say "Would you like fries with that?" Say "If they're free give me a large".

SO many to amuse yourself.

[Tennessee_Bob]

My favorite at the drive-through window - "I'd like a Whopper with cheese, no tomato, no onion, an order of onion rings and a large Coke - can I have that to go, please?" There's almost always a stunned silence after asking to get it to go...

[Conspiracy Guy]

Or when they say "Can I take your order?" Say "It might be tough but if I talk slow you may get it right".

[templar]

At the grocery check out when they say "Paper or Plastic?" Say "No I'm paying cash".

I generally just say "yes".

[proud American in Canada]

LOL! food for thought... :)

[Conspiracy Guy]

Either answer confuses them to the point of calling for a manager.

[WKB]

My favorite is
"Do you have an ID?"
"Bout what?"

[jigsaw]

When people ask me how I am, I often answer, "Crazy, thanks" or "Still insane, thanks."

Their reactions are often a moment of bewilderment followed by a friendly conversation.

(And they never realize I'm telling the truth - LOL!   Gee, on second thought, I hope they don't realize it!)

[TexanToTheCore]

My own personal favorite is after I order from the drive up I say brightly " and that'll be to go". Only one order taker has chuckled so far.

[Imagine]

Did you hear the one about the toothless termite?

He walks into a tavern and asks "where's the bartender?"

[Still Thinking]

Whenever someone asks if I smoke, I reply "Only when I'm on fire.", so my initial thought when reading the smoking preferences question was to picture preferences flaming.

[ErnBatavia]

Either answer confuses them to the point of calling for a manager.

Try paying with either a two dollar bill or - better yet - Sacajawea dollar coins.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Here in Alabama that's "Sack o Jawea" which is interpreted as a Bag containing Jawea. Not to be confused with "Poke o Hontas." I like to cover my mouth with a cupped hand to speak back at the drive through. When I pull these little pranks I always say at the end, "Sorry I thought this was an ATM" and then drive away.

[shiva]

At the grocery check out when they say "Paper or Plastic?" Say "No I'm paying cash".

LOL. I always say, "Take your pick...we'll either choke a whale or kill a tree".

[Conspiracy Guy]

Or say "Oil or Tree, I'll take the oil".

[Uncle Jaque]

Oh, for gash sakes, guys; give the poor things a break!

After what public "edookashun" and all those drugs have done to their poor young brains, it does not take much to confuse them to the point of complete neurological shutdown, if not appoplexy. They just might inhale that half-pound wad of gum they keep rolling around in their jaws and aspirate, and THEN how would you feel, huh?!

Just feel gratefull if you get one that speaks some semblance of the National language...
Oh!; Wait!; - we don't HAVE a "National Language", do we?
Never mind, then...
Just point to the picture and grunt.
Don't be surprised if what you get tastes a little like goat, especially up around Lewiston.

Ever hand one a $20 bill, a quarter, a dime and two pennies for a $7.37 charge (or some such)?
Don't you just love the deer-in-the-headlights blank stare and the saliva trickling down their cute little chin, - sometimes you can even get them to stop chewing their massive ball of cud-gum for a couple of seconds of precious paralysis - followed by the terrified poking at the computerized register (accompanied by the frenzied tempo of renewed, frenetic gum-smacking) and tremors before handing you your $13 change back, still looking incredulous?

It can be rather entertaining, but don't try it if you're in a hurry to get somewhere. And you might want to wipe the drool off of your change before stuffing it into your wallet.

Up here in Maine, whenever there is a power failure and the computers go down, they have to close many of the stores and resturants because so few of the clerks have a clue.

Yup; more money... that's what our public schools need, by golly! And they'll get it, too - just wait and see if they don't. Just don't hold your breath for many of their graduates to develop a functional set of clues.

"How are ya doin'?"

"Best I can with what I've got... You?"

-or-

"Hey; any day without incoming ordnance can't be all bad!"...

"How are ya t'day?"

"Why, (scrunching up eyebrows while checking radial pulse for a moment); homeostatic. Thank you so much for asking!"
-or -

"Well, when I looked in the mirror this morning, I observed the absence of maggotts accumulating at bodily orifices, which I take to be a good diagnostic sign."

"What's up?"

"(pulling belt buckle out a little and glancing down quickly)- Not much. What exactly did you have in mind?" (NEEEever try that one with Wife standing next to you. Nonononono!!!)

Gosh; I'm just full of 'em! The kind folks down at the local grocery store just love haveing me cue up in their register line, don't you know?

I just wish that that guy in the white coat would quit chasing me around with that butterfly net! I'm getting too old for this stuff! {8^{P~

[JonathansMommie]

Here's one for Ya

[RedBloodedAmerican]

I don't get it.