[Conspiracy Guy]

At the grocery check out when they say "Paper or Plastic?" Say "No I'm paying cash".

Drive through window when after you have given your order they say "Would you like fries with that?" Say "If they're free give me a large".

SO many to amuse yourself.

[proud American in Canada]

LOL! food for thought... :)

[WKB]

My favorite is
"Do you have an ID?"
"Bout what?"

[jigsaw]

When people ask me how I am, I often answer, "Crazy, thanks" or "Still insane, thanks."

Their reactions are often a moment of bewilderment followed by a friendly conversation.

(And they never realize I'm telling the truth - LOL!   Gee, on second thought, I hope they don't realize it!)

[TexanToTheCore]

My own personal favorite is after I order from the drive up I say brightly " and that'll be to go". Only one order taker has chuckled so far.

[Imagine]

Did you hear the one about the toothless termite?

He walks into a tavern and asks "where's the bartender?"

[Still Thinking]

Whenever someone asks if I smoke, I reply "Only when I'm on fire.", so my initial thought when reading the smoking preferences question was to picture preferences flaming.

[JonathansMommie]

Here's one for Ya

[N. Theknow]

Smoking or non-smoking?

Actually I prefer chewing and swallowing.

[Mr Ducklips]

Receptionist: "May I ask who is calling?"

Smartass: "Sure, go ahead."

[Steve0113]

Do you have gas? or Did you have gas today?

For a while, I started answering this question with, "No, just a little indigestion."

I stopped when I got only blank stares in response.

[Laura Earl]

My favorite is in the checkout line when the checker or bagger says "you have a good one" (as in day). I respond, "Why yes I do, thanks for noticing."

[Corin Stormhands]

Do you have gas?

Man of Gondor, please pick up the white courtesy phone...

[gcruse]

When the Clinton Whitehouse travel office booked flights for the first traitor, Air Force One always asked if he wanted gumming or nongumming.