IRAQI SUBMARINE PROWLING LAKE MICHIGAN

Weekly World News ^

[pennywise]

IRAQI SUBMARINE PROWLING LAKE MICHIGAN . . . and there may be more than one -- says insider!

DETROIT, Mich. -- Fiendish Iraqi terrorists are lurking beneath Lake Michigan in one or more mini-submarines, poised to launch a deadly attack on America, a military insider warns.

"We know they're down there but we don't know exactly where," claims the U.S. Navy source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

"That lake is larger than the entire state of Israel and the sub is quite small, making it extremely difficult to detect on sonar.

"But the frightening thing is that between natural waterways, underground rivers and man-made canals, Lake Michigan is linked to all the other Great Lakes -- it's all one big water system.

"That puts the terrorists in a perfect position to launch an amphibious sneak attack on any one of at least six states, including Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio, Illinois, Pennsylvania and New York.

"And if they access the Erie Canal, that would take them to the Hudson River and enable them to strike at New York City."

The subs that have been spotted so far are similar in design to Japanese mini-subs which can carry up to six passengers and stay submerged for days at a time.

Authorities have intercepted transmissions that seem to be coming from the mini-subs, with voices speaking in Arabic. Translators have interpreted the voices saying, "The Iron Fish are ready to bite."

The Bush administration is keeping the crisis under wraps to avoid nationwide panic, the source claims.

"The White House is weighing its options because, at this point, they're not sure how many subs might be down there. There could be dozens of these things," notes the Navy man. "If we start carpet-bombing the Great Lakes with depth charges -- which is what it may take to get these SOBs -- people may feel the war has come to their own back yards."

The spokesman stressed that these subs are too small to carry nuclear weapons, but added, "They could still be smuggling in nuclear materials to manufacture weapons of mass destruction right here in the U.S."

Navy SEALS have been searching Lake Michigan, but they've found no sign of any mini-subs so far. But civilian sightings of the subs have continued at an alarming rate.

"I was fishing off my boat early one morning," one local fisherman says, "and I hooked something so big,

I thought maybe I had caught the Lake Michigan monster. I tried to reel it in, but then I saw a periscope come up. You can't even begin to imagine my surprise when I found out I'd hooked a mini-sub."

The fisherman dropped his rod in the water and raced back to shore as fast as his boat would carry him.

"I'm lucky I got out of there alive," he says. "That thing could've blown my boat to smithereens."

One witness claims to have seen a mini-sub on the Michigan side of the lake at the exact same time his friend on the Wisconsin side saw a different one.

"That means there could be hundreds of terrorists, hiding beneath our lakes, just waiting to launch an attack on our shores," one insider says.

It is not known how the Iraqis transported the sub into Lake Michigan. "They could've built it right in Michigan, or they may have built it outside the country and sailed it in. God knows there are enough raw materials in Detroit to build a fleet of mini-subs."

The sub's stealth capabilities and the murky depths of the 925-foot-deep, 307-mile-long Lake Michigan have made it extremely difficult to locate.

One expert notes, "We don't know exactly what those terrorists are doing in our lakes but one thing we do know is that they're not out joy-riding, and they're not offering to take people out for submarine rides."

The expert ends with an ominous warning: "If we don't do something about those subs soon, we'll be in big trouble."

[Swiss]

I bet that Nazi submarine hidden in Chicago is giving them help. The US Navy could never find it because the crafty devils put it on dry land behind the Science and Industry building.

[Lady Jag]

Iraqis make it to the 18th century with their new submarine.

[Man of the Right]

The frightening thing is that the left is credulous enough to actually believe this whopper.

[BunnySlippers]

It's the wackiest of the tabloids at your local market ... alien babies, etc.

[tessalu]

This sounds like a fishy story.

[Pharmboy]

I woulda guessed Debka.

[MEG33]

You think?!

[niteowl77]

No mention was made of all the problems Iraqi submariners encountered while in Lake Michigan: propellers becoming entangled with skeletons wearing concrete-filled buckets, rudders jammed with 50+ years' worth of monofilament fishing line donated by paunchy Wisconsinites, and - worst of all - periscopes being obstructed by large quantities of used... uhh... "latex devices."

[Iscool]

You folks are just uninformed skeptics...I see them subs all the time...

[ampat]

Reminds me of an uncle my wife told me about. He claimed there were miniature German subs under Los Angeles.

[Exit148]

At the WeeklyNews (or whatever it's called) site, the publishing date is Nov.22, 2002.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

Don't Laugh! There is a man livng down the street from me that claimed that Russian subs have gained access to the lakes of NW Arkansas by an underground tunnel from the gulf of Mexico! He even drew a map of where they are unloading tanks and troops!

We found he was off his medicine.

[Catspaw]

The sub's in Manitowoc!!!!!

[beesba]

I've heard a lot of fish stories but this one takes the cake. Those Morons that may think the war has come to their back yards should be advised that it has! Where do you think 9-11 took place ? In Havana ?
The big question here is did that fisherman that hooked the sub have a valid fishing license ? Did he lose his picture ID when he dived into the drink? We'd hate to have him picked up and arrested without a valid picture ID under the new Patriot's Two Act, which was put together in secret by government bureaucrats, without legislative oversight. Now to me, this is scarrier than those phantom subs floating around in Lake Michigan. Chances are the inhabitants are already dead from mercury poisoning.
Beesba

[Lurker]

I remember taking some of my girlfriends down to the Lake Michigan shoreline to watch the submarine races at night.

Ah, those were the days....

L

[SarahW]

I think they do have one or more subs, and that they are going to use them.

[FourPeas]

Ya know, while we were crossing Big Mac yesterday, I saw suspicious bubbles coming through one of the few breaks in the ice. I'm sure it was one of these subs. I am sure of it.....

[FourPeas]

They rarely completely freeze over, although I heard on the radio that Superior is 96% frozen right now. Only on the coldest of winters do they come close to freezing over. We were in the Upper Penninsula yesterday and we could still see lots of open water on northern Lake Michigan.

[E Rocc]

There's one in Cleveland too!:

-Eric