Posted on 03/09/2003 7:51:48 AM PST by Clive
Sheryl Crow's latest album, called C'mon, C'mon, did pretty well last year, but lately it's been slumping. It has fallen to just 84th place on the Billboard charts.
Sheryl has tried everything to keep interest up. She's done a duet with bad-boy Kid Rock. She's wearing shorter skirts and tighter shirts. Nothing has worked -- her album keeps sinking. Younger pop stars like Avril Lavigne and Norah Jones just sell better, that's all.
So Sheryl has found another way to get noticed: She has denounced the coming war in Iraq.
First Sheryl went on Good Morning America, wearing a T-shirt with the words: "I don't believe in your war Mr. Bush!" printed on the front.
It worked! The aging starlet got press. And in show business, any press is good.
So for the American Music Awards in January, Sheryl got a new T- shirt -- this time it read "War Is Not the Answer" in sequins. And at the Grammys, her guitar strap had "No War" embroidered on it.
There's only so much a girl can say with fashion, though. So Sheryl had a mini press conference. "There are huge karmic retributions that will follow" a war, she said to reporters, who were trying not to giggle.
"The best way to solve problems is not to have enemies," she said.
True enough. The best way to solve problems is not to have them in the first place. But the sage of Hollywood has yet to enlighten us on how to solve the problems that we do have. Perhaps we'll have to wait until her next concert, when her latest deep thoughts will be tastefully emblazoned on her bra.
In the meantime, Sheryl has posted a political manifesto on her website. Here are some excerpts:
"Our desire to democratize countries such as Iraq, Iran, etc., is imperialistic and based on greed." Uh, Sheryl, aren't democracies the opposite of empires?
"Why are there no discussions taking place on the possibility of using alternative means to fuel our cars, (SUVs), alleviating us from having to be slaves to the oil industry?" Sheryl believes in energy efficiency for you and me, but maintains three separate houses for herself.
"If a nuclear strike takes place, the devastation of the world's environment will suffer catastrophically." Awkward wording, but a good point. A less environmentally-sensitive celebrity might have noted that people would suffer from a nuclear strike, too.
"I just refuse to believe that war is the answer to anything." Tell that to millions of Europeans, Africans and Asians liberated from fascism by the Second World War.
This last point is as foolish as the rest of her babble. But it is also a lie. Sheryl Crow doesn't oppose all wars. Not even all "imperialist" U.S. wars.
In 1996, when Bill Clinton sent troops to Bosnia, Crow wasn't upset. In fact, she flew to the war zone to perform for the troops -- accompanied by Hillary Clinton. "I don't ever want to play for a regular audience again, only military folks who are starving for music," she gushed. She even wrote a song, chiding America for not being more involved in Bosnia.
So Sheryl isn't against wars after all. She didn't raise a peep when Clinton attacked Iraq with cruise missiles, 450 times during his presidency.
No. Read her T-shirt more carefully. She's only against Mr. Bush's war. If a left-wing Democrat were in charge, Sheryl would be singing along.
Lucky for her. If she couldn't attack Bush, how would she get her name in the newspaper?
And if that doesn't hack it, she can always get a peace-sign nose ring, or tattoo anti-Bush slogans onto where her breasts should be.
I have heard this album it it's entirety, and, believe me, sinking sales have a lot more to to with the fact that IT SUCKS BIGTIME than her antiwar stance.
Exactly. And the best way not to have enemies is to vanquish them.
This quote of hers (and its corollary) should be drilled into our troops as they head into combat. Let it be our battle cry.
Artwork and linkage by FReeper Howie. Stick them inside your car’s rear window with a few bits of 3M Magic Tape, the tape will peel off easily with no glue residue even after months in the sun.
So typical of Hollywood types.
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