Oh my gosh, Dubya, where is the kleenex alert? Fuzzy monitor here too. The only one standing has a wheelchair. Why oh why are our children not taught proper respect for our flag?
Posted on 11/17/2002 11:43:07 PM PST by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub
Military Jokes & Humor
Camouflage Uniform Wear Policies
MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
(Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons
and colorful squadron patches all over them.
An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are the bravest?
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.
When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.".
The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff. After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing," and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle."
And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says "Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says "I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."
The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.
The General turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says
"Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY."
Oh my gosh, Dubya, where is the kleenex alert? Fuzzy monitor here too. The only one standing has a wheelchair. Why oh why are our children not taught proper respect for our flag?
Ohhhh, exciting Kathy, would I like to see this!!
Go IDF!
I spent plenty of time in the pit on Parris Island, about 13 years ago...
The co-pilot of a single-engine aircraft plunged from the plane as it made a steep turn 9,000 feet over the Houston area.Yes it is strange. This could be another Darwin Award nominee, depending on how this story pans out. My best buddy is a small aircraft pilot and I sent it to him too. I thought he'd get a kick out of it....Thanks, Meekie, pretty weird story.
Hey, Rocky. Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat....
Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for stopping the terrorists, and bringing peace in the Middle East. . .instead of all that other stuff about women and lying. I want Bin Ladin to be eliminated and all his Taliban collected. See this map. . .here is Kabul. . .and I want these surrounding countries to stop fighting with each other.."
The genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but I'm not
that good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like Hillary. Even though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They
think she's an ugly, mean-spirited witch, who likes to push people around. They even booed at her at the WTC fund-raiser. I wish for her to be the most beautiful and gracious woman in the world, and for everyone to love her."
The genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."
How sad, how very sad!
I just had to post that!
"English" Notices Encountered Around the World
> > In a Tokyo Hotel:
> > > Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you > are not a person to do such > thing is please not to read notis.
> > > In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
> > > The lift is being fixed for the next day. During > that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
> > > In a Leipzig elevator:
> > > Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit > up.
> > > In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
> > > To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If > the cabin should enter more persons, each one should > press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then > going alphabetically by national order.
> > > In a Paris hotel elevator:
> > > Please leave your values at the front desk.
> > > In a hotel in Athens:>p> > > > Visitors are expected to complain at the office > between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
> > > In a Yugoslavian hotel:
> > > The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job > of the chambermaid.
> > > In a Japanese hotel:
> > > You are invited to take advantage of the > chambermaid.
> > > In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian > Orthodox monastery:
> > > You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous > Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers > are buried daily except Thursday.
> > > From the Soviet Weekly:
> > > There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 > Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were > executed over the past two years.
> > > In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
> > > Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of > repose in the boots of ascension.
> > > On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
> > > Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
> > > On the menu of a Polish hotel:
> > > Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with > cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted > duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the > country people's fashion.
> > > Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
> > > Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
> > > In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
> > > Drop your trousers here for best results.
> > > Outside a Paris dress shop:
> > > Dresses for street walking.
> > > In a Rhodes tailor shop:
> > > Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will > execute customers in strict rotation.
> > > A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
> > > It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping > site that people of different sex, for instance, men > and women, live together in one tent unless they are > married with each other for that purpose.
> > > In a Zurich hotel:
> > > Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of > the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested > that the lobby be used for this purpose.
> > > In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
> > > Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
> > > In a Rome laundry:
> > > Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the > afternoon having a good time.
> > > In a Czechoslovakian travel agency:
> > > Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we > guarantee no miscarriages.
> > > Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
> > > Would you like to ride on your own ass?
> > > In a Bangkok temple:
> > > It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if > dressed as a man.
> > > In a Tokyo bar:
> > > Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
> > > In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
> > > We take your bags and send them in all directions.
> > > In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
> > > Ladies are requested not to have children in the > bar.
> > > In a Budapest zoo:
> > > Please do not feed the animals. If you have any > suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
> > > In a doctor's office in Rome:
> > > Specialist in women and other diseases.
> > > In a Vienna hotel:
> > > In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel > porter.
> > > On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
> > > To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
> > > Written reply to accommodation request:
> > > "I am honorable to accept your impossible request. > Unhappy it is here have not bedroom with bath. > Bathroom with bed I have. Do not concern yourself > that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed."
> > > On the window of a Swedish furrier:
> > > Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
> > > On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
> > > Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
> > > Detour sign in Kyushu, Japan:
> > > Stop: Drive Sideways.
> > > In a Tokyo shop:
> > > Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find > they are best in the long run.
> > > From a Japanese information booklet on using the > hotel air conditioner:
> > > Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of > warm in your room, please control yourself.
> > > From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
> > > When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the > horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
> > > Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
> > > English well talking. Here speeching American.
Ted's other home on Free Republic is at the current Ted Maher thread.
As more and more of the finest fighting force on earth is being transported from CONUS. . .
I can't help sensing that Saddam is going to be feeling the Rapture this season. . . .
Particularly when these gigantic bomb-shaped "Christmas tree ornaments" marked "BLU-118" go by on "floats". . .
I believe that Secretary Rumsfeld and General Franks know who's been naughty or nice.
God Speed, Good Hunting, and Home Safe to all our service men and women.
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