USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Military Jokes & Humor ~ November 18 2002

68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub and FRiends of the Canteen

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

Military Jokes & Humor

Camouflage Uniform Wear Policies

MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.

ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.

NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
(Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)

AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons
and colorful squadron patches all over them.

An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are the bravest?
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.
When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.".
The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff. After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing," and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle."
And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says "Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says "I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."

The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.

The General turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says
"Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY."

[Kathy in Alaska]

Thank you, IG, for stopping by to honor our troops, both past and present.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Amazing photo of destruction, and such loss of life. Thanks, aomagrat, for today's ship history of the USS Maine.

[Kathy in Alaska]

You find the best cartoons, Meekie. Thanks! I don't suppose your investigative skills could find Sunday's Marvin, could they. Hint, hint. LOL!

[Kathy in Alaska]

"he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."

Oh my gosh! LOL! I can just see our troops groaning over this one. Thanks for posting it for them.

[Soaring Feather]

Hey you guys monkey shining around???

[Kathy in Alaska]

"Sonny's Bar-B-Q--Tank Parking Available."

I love it, Dubya, LOL!

[Jen]

Please remove me from all your ping lists. Thanks.

[southerngrit]

Thanks to all who visit here today for your service to our country.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Good grief!!

The co-pilot of a single-engine aircraft plunged from the plane as it made a steep turn 9,000 feet over the Houston area.

Thanks, Meekie, pretty weird story.

[HiJinx]

Good day to you, too!

Doing fine today, thanks. Just dropping in from time to time to see how things are going...be back later!

[Soaring Feather]

"Soldiers Like Him"

Dubya, thank you for posting this, it's absolutely beautiful, tears streaming down my face as I listend and read.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Thanks, Valin, for today's history. And I love the Thought for the Day.

"If we were intended to talk more than we hear, we'd have two mouths and only one ear."

[Kathy in Alaska]

What a cool little train. Looks like fun.

[Soaring Feather]

I love trains, whooooo hooooo! I have just the outfit for it to.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Gamecock, those military brat remembrances are hilarious, and I'll bet that lots of our troops can relate. Thanks for sharing.

[larryjohnson]

Humor in Uniform
The Toilet Paper Bombing Run
by Joe Diblin
Early during WWII, we were stationed at an airbase in Tennessee where we trained B-24 Liberator pilots and flight instructors. Newly married, we finally found a rental single room in a southern widow's home about 15 miles from the base. Life in the area at that time was the ultimate in frustration. Thousands upon thousands of Army ground troops were on maneuvers there. They overwhelmed us; they were everywhere. Tanks, trucks and soldiers clogged the streets and roads. The ground pounders camped everywhere, in the local park, on our widow's lawn, or wherever they found an open spot.
    Our landlady added to the frustration by renting the only downstairs bathroom to the Army guys for 50¢ a bath. They lined up in big numbers, which limited our opportunity to use the bathroom. My personal frustration reached a peak when some soldiers pilfered my new golashes from outside our door. That time of year, golashes were a necessity for the area.
    At that point, we became revenge motivated. We happened to overhear the base supply sergeant tell my aircraft crew chief he had received a huge shipment of toilet tissue, but had a limited storing place for it. At my request, the sergeant gave me a whole bale of the toilet rolls. Planning my next flight, we confided in the crew chief, who readily agreed to cooperate in the "mission."
    We were aware of a huge Army encampment a brief flight distance from our airbase. Our four-engine Liberator arrived over the encampment at noon as planned. Circling overhead, we could see long columns of soldiers in several chow lines, being fed from outdoor kitchens. The entire scene was an ideal target for a revenge-motivated flyboy. Setting near full power on all four engines, we brought our big bomber roaring down along treetop level with the bomb doors open. A sea of startled faces looked up at us. At my signal, the crew chief "bombed" the troops with our huge number of toilet paper rolls. The ground soldiers panicked and ran for cover. At our speed, it was difficult for me to see many more details. However, the crew chief had a good view through the open bomb doors and provided us with his enthusiastic description. Fortunately, in the excitement, nobody got our aircraft number because we were never reported by the Army guys.

[HiJinx]

A coupla more, these come from About.com

The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military are:

The E-1 who says, "I learned this in Basic Training..."

The O-1 who says, "Based on my experience..."

The E-5 who says, "Trust me, Sir..."

The E-9 who chuckles, "Watch THIS sh*t..."

Even more scary:

A Pfc with a badge and a gun.

A 2nd lieutenent with a map.

_________________________________

About.com Photo Captioning Contest Winners...

1st. "Geez, these friggin' lowest- bidder contracts! Pull-Start my @$$!!!!"

2nd. OK listen up airman i been doing this fer years I don't give a lick what the book says what ya need ta do is this.. you put the thingyma jig here in the whirly gig.. then ya put a pinch of whatchama call it on the whojiggy and she will be GOOD TO GO!

3rd. Dang, it would be *THAT* rubber band that broke.

[Johnny Gage]

I don't have much in the way of military humor so I whipped this up as a "spur of the moment"....

Santa's ground-based "Taliban Gift Delivery System"

_

Santa's airborne "Taliban Gift Delivery Vehicle"

[Kathy in Alaska]

Hi Tom and Lily, HiJinx said it real well. The Canteen is a place where any and all can gather each day to honor our troops, our veterans, their families, and our allies. Tonkin starts a new thread each day and all who wish to encourage our troops are welcome to bring them a joke, a prayer, a word of encouragement, or just the news of the day. We know that active duty military are able to lurk here, and enjoy hearing about life at home. They are able to come to the Canteen and feel like it is a "home away from home", a pleasant time away for the jobs they do in protecting all of us back home.

Please join all those who enter the Canteen to honor our troops. Thanks HJ. Gotta get back to work.

[Soaring Feather]

The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military are:

LOL, funny stuff HiJinx!!