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Don't Ask Me Why, But...
BSNN.NET ^ | 9-24-02 | Norm Liebmann

Posted on 09/24/2002 7:24:29 PM PDT by KLT

Don’t ask me why, but it won’t be long before AK47s replace dollars as world currency.

Don’t ask me why, but no man is his brother’s keeper, no matter how desperately Bill Clinton’s brother needs one.

Don’t ask me why, but the French are incapable of forgiving Americans for the sacrifices we made on their behalf.

Don’t ask me why, but if success went to Norman Mailer’s head, it had to be introduced rectally.

Don’t ask me why, but the Clintons will finally find a true way to express the depth of their caring about children by becoming a pimp and his “ho” working Sesame Street.

Don’t ask me why, but most Las Vegas bookmakers will lay odds of eight to five that Senator Leahy doesn't urinate standing up.

Don’t ask me why, but Bill Clinton will eventually return to Washington in his natural role as an ombudsman for needy traitors.

Don’t ask me why, but it would not surprise me if Halle Berry complained about the Oscar statuette she was awarded because it did not include batteries.

Don’t ask me why, but the Clinton Library would make an ideal annex to the Kremlin.

Don’t ask me why, but Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstein would have made ideal groupies for Rasputin.

Don’t ask me why, but America’s best chance of success against Iraq can only begin by divesting itself of faithless allies.

Don’t ask me why, but the Civil Rights Movement has become a cancer on American demographics.

Don’t ask me why, but if compassion is not just a George W. Bush political ploy, then it has to be something infinitely worse.

Don’t ask me why, but the people with the least at stake in this country have the loudest voices.

Don’t ask my why, but the perfect metaphor for comparing the relative merits of liberals and conservatives is Hillary Clinton’s and Ann Coulter’s legs.

Don’t ask me why, but it is no accident that Hollywood keeps making films that celebrate U.S. military defeats such as Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down - and any Viet Nam debacle that is a target of opportunity for unpatriotic exploitation.

Don’t ask me why, but political correctness is a crock of shit, and anyone with an IQ of more than one digit will not be bound by it.

Don’t ask me why, but in times of stress, the vertebrae of Trent Lott’s spine telescopes shut.

Don’t ask me why, but if a movie star accidentally showed up at the Academy Awards Show with his fly open, the next day there wouldn’t be a closed zipper in Hollywood. (So much for originality in Lotusland.)

Don’t ask me why, but Democrats in Congress will soon propose making Hamas a member of NAFTA.

Don’t ask my why, but even if Hillary Clinton is not elected the first woman President, she will probably find a way to sleep with the woman who is.

Don’t ask me why, but in politically correct schools, children will soon be taught that the main industry of Vermont is choreography.

Don’t ask me why, but in all his movies, Alan Alda manages to degrade the common experience. Don’t ask me why, but Chelsea will eventually settle in perpetuity on her old clenched hairdo.

Don’t ask me why, but after you’ve worked a while in the entertainment industry success and failure begin to feel exactly the same.

Don’t ask me why, but politicians who claim to be Bill Clinton’s most ardent detractors head for their burrows when it comes time to be counted on the actual detracting.

Don’t ask me why, but journalists never seem happier than when they are on television trying to talk over each other.

Don’t ask me why, but if not for Affirmative Action, universities would be unable to graduate enough imbeciles equipped to trifle with Existence.

Don’t ask me why, but if so many blacks’ idea of a good white man is Bill Clinton, it’s no wonder they hate the rest of us.

Don’t ask me why, but AIDS may be God’s way of saying “Enough, already!” to sexual diversity.

Don’t ask me why, but every time Saddam Hussein issues a threat to the American people, Al Gore issues a threat to the American people.

Don’t ask me why, but as power goes, George Washington used it least - and is the President loved most.

Don’t ask me why, but this country deserves better than Berkeley.

Don’t ask me why, but it would not surprise me if it was a jealous Democrat who fed the ammo to “the guy behind the grassy knoll.”

Don’t ask me why, but the first person to be listed in the Guinness Book of Racial Hatred will definitely not be a Caucasian.

Don’t ask me why, but TV is ready for a dumb adventure series called Geraldo of Arabia.

Don’t ask me why, but among high school girls, cocaine will not replace sperm as the drug of choice.

Don’t ask me why, but it would save Americans some valuable time if the movie theater owners would move the candy counters into the rest rooms.

Don’t ask me why, but the more appropriate word should be crap-erations.

and …

Don’t ask me why, but the Bush Administration is part of the Clinton Legacy.

Norman Liebmann is a former television writer [Johnny Carson; Dean Martin; wrote and produced "Chico and the Man" and created the characters for "The Munsters" (who are all named after his relatives)] and a brilliantly insightful columnist/humorist and contributor to BSNN.

Please visit his Web site, Firehat, a treasure trove of Clinton- and media-bashing. E-mai: firehat@adelphia.net.

© 2002 www.BSNN.net /Nathan Porter All Rights Reserved


TOPICS: Extended News; Foreign Affairs; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: ccrm; enviralists; florida; hillary; hillarylist; jihadinamerica; jihadnextdoor; moosewatch; newyork; reallycoolstuffi; washingtondc
Can't beat that Norm....
1 posted on 09/24/2002 7:24:29 PM PDT by KLT
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To: Grampa Dave; kristinn; tgslTakoma; staytrue; Angelwood; George Frm Br00klyn Park; Mudboy Slim; ...
Ping, Ya'All
2 posted on 09/24/2002 7:26:30 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
1. Don't ask me why, but you posted this after it has already been posted two or three times before.

2. Don't ask me why, but still not a d*mn one of this lines is either clever or funny.

3 posted on 09/24/2002 7:29:51 PM PDT by Illbay
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To: **New_York; **Florida; **Washington_DC; *CCRM; *Hillary; *Hillary List; *JIHAD IN AMERICA; ...
Ping Y'all
4 posted on 09/24/2002 7:32:30 PM PDT by KLT
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To: Illbay
Did a search Illbay...OK don't blow an artery over it....
5 posted on 09/24/2002 7:33:37 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
Bump
6 posted on 09/24/2002 7:33:55 PM PDT by sport
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To: KLT
Don't ask me why, but Jimmy Carter is an object of nostalgia...compared to the Clinton Administration. ;)
7 posted on 09/24/2002 7:35:45 PM PDT by BluesDuke
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To: BluesDuke

8 posted on 09/24/2002 7:39:48 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
My theory, in answer to "why", is that a new stripe and generation of thugs is always on the make.
9 posted on 09/24/2002 7:40:28 PM PDT by lds23
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To: KLT
Look real close at that picture and tell us why his unit is being displayed so blatently.I am sure eraldo wishes he had that to display.LOL at the picture.
10 posted on 09/24/2002 7:46:07 PM PDT by eastforker
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To: KLT
I dunno...I kind of pictured him more as Geraldo of Sylvania getting his tail waxed by Rufus T. Firefly...lol
11 posted on 09/24/2002 9:50:30 PM PDT by BluesDuke
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To: KLT
Don’t ask me why, but every time Saddam Hussein issues a threat to the American people, Al Gore issues a threat to the American people.


12 posted on 09/25/2002 1:50:33 AM PDT by MeekOneGOP
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To: KLT
Excellent!!
Norm at his best.

Oh yea...& don't let the consummate bottom line in assholes & boor without equal phase ya, Kar.
Just fart in Its general direction.
~OR, try this??
Ask the loser to tell ya about his exwife!!
How she's [justifiably] putting the screws to the miserable SOB.
The weiner's being crucified as payment for his angry, bitter, bulling treatment of her, y'know??
Yea, the EVIL piece of fecal matter DESERVES every inch she puts it to 'em!!
BWWWAHAAAA...yessss!
There "is" justice!!! :o)

That line of questioning should shut the loser up; but, then again?

...that loser's not an especially *bright* bulb, either.

13 posted on 09/25/2002 5:50:40 AM PDT by Landru
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To: KLT; firehat
WOW...firehat's taken a vacation from his Bush-bashing. Hey Norm, is this an ideological shift or are you actually warming to Dubyuh just a tad?!

FReegards...MUD

14 posted on 09/25/2002 8:11:24 AM PDT by Mudboy Slim
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To: eastforker
Hmmmmmmm.....Whorealdo, only wishes he looked like that...Woo Hoo...
15 posted on 09/25/2002 5:11:19 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
Thanks for the ping, I actually posted this earlier. You must have missed. I failed to ping you. My bad.
16 posted on 09/26/2002 2:01:17 PM PDT by Hillary's Folly
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To: KLT
Thanks for the ping. I actually posted this early, you must have missed it. My bad.
17 posted on 09/26/2002 2:03:09 PM PDT by Hillary's Folly
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To: MeeknMing
Don’t ask me why, but in times of stress, the vertebrae of Trent Lott’s spine telescopes shut. Uh, that would be near impossible since Trent Flop's spine is made of liguini
18 posted on 09/26/2002 2:09:34 PM PDT by MHGinTN
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