Posted on 09/19/2002 5:26:17 PM PDT by vannrox
Working out the difference between chivalry and sexism may be a minefield for men, but most women would prefer them to be more gallant, a survey has found. Dr Lewis, author of Loving and Loathing: The Enigma of Personal Attraction, said: "Because more male than female babies are being born, society is becoming increasingly unbalanced. According to the poll of 800 adults for Glenlivet, the whisky brand, which is opening a male finishing school, it also depends on where a woman lives as to how she defines chivalry. Women in Somerset and Herefordshire are most likely to complain about the dearth of gallantry, whereas women in London and the South East are least likely to consider it a problem. Overall, one in seven women think gentlemen are quiet, modest and "never brash". Despite equality, women today still prefer gentlemen
While acknowledging that the sexual revolution is partly to blame for the destruction of the old- fashioned gentleman, half of women say men have little concept of social etiquette, politeness or courtesy.
They accuse men of behaving like gentlemen only when it suits them, although that view is held by seven out of 10 men themselves. One in 50 men say gentlemanly behaviour is for "snobs and wimps".
Dr David Lewis, a psychologist, said men who were successful in business and sport were still regarded highly by women. But chivalry and social graces, such as pulling out chairs, carrying the shopping, complimenting a woman on her appearance and opening doors, were often more important than money.
"This means competition between men for a partner will become fiercer, with men having to work harder to find and sustain a relationship. The British gentleman is on the verge of a renaissance."
The average male could still be forgiven, however, for being confused. Even the issue of wolf-whistling from builders is not clear cut. Women have become accustomed to ignoring ribald commentary and builders are now threatened with the sack if they flirt with passers-by. But many women would prefer the attention and "male honesty".
Both sexes thought the death knell for gentlemanly behaviour was sounded during the Sixties. Optimistically for British males, a third of women thought true gentlemen were found only in the UK.
They scored highest for their capacity for chivalry, followed by Japanese men and Italians. American, Australian and German men scored lowest.
Tony Blair is regarded as the most gentlemanly politician. John Prescott came bottom.
Absolutely true. Without going into details, I know of a professional who is getting sued for just that becuase he pulled on a ponytail in what he thought was a friendly manner.
"I stood Among them, but not of them; in a shroud Of thoughts which were not their thoughts"
.Lord Byron
No, please don't I am going to bed soon and don't need potential nightmares.
Tis true of the article.
I will just leave you with the advice my grandmother gave to me many years ago of finding a good man ie gentleman.
You must court him through four seasons. You must observe how he treats his mother and copes with a flat tire in the rain. LOL
I certainly hope you are wrong about this....For what it's worth, I myself wouldn't even SPEAK to a man who wasn't polite and gentlemanly, and my husband and I are raising our boys to be the same way. If a girl is stupid enough to misinterpret politeness for weakness...well...then I, for one, wouldn't want her around anyway.
Regards,
Chivalry is rooted in the desire to serve; sexism in the desire to be serviced. C'est tout.
Once that distinction is grasped, it all comes down to the man's will and ability to be honest to himself about his motives.
If that is true, then so is the British dental industry.
The problem comes when "gentlemanly" behavior becomes the dominant trait in a man. The result is, to put it bluntly, a less-than-masculine male. So there is no wonder why women would find a less-than-masculine male unappealing.
For me, and it took quite a while, it became clear that gentlemanly traits are both proper and appealing to women, so long that it does not completely define the man. Creating a balance where one is gentlemanly when appropriate, more dominant and assured when appropriate, and more colloquially "macho" when appropriate, is a great formula for being appealing to women. It also assures that a smart man will not be taken advantage of (for example. being a mover, bank, personal chauffer, etc.).
As the lovely "older woman" in my life taught me years ago (ah, I'm getting misty eyed here!), a woman wants a gentleman to hold the door for her, and a gentleman to pour the wine for her, but when she grants the 'green light,' she doesn't want a gentleman to make witty conversation, twiddling his thumbs, or lacking the confidence to romance her in, lets say, her desired and more base ways.
This is her avice, not mine!!! But I endorse it!
So be a gentleman, I think. But don't be a doormat. And when the lady wants you to cross homeplate, don't be a 'gentleman' standing before her and keep on insisting 'please, after you....."
Just cross home plate, Einstein. You will both be glad you did.
Again, as a disclaimer, be sure she want's you to cross home plate. Leave no room for misunderstanding. Always respect a woman's decisions.
Regards, Ivan
I hate it when you're heading for home and she decides to change the game to football where she's Lucy and you're Charlie Brown.
I think I saw that movie, another Brit product. Recalling that skit: "You and your wife, eh? Say no more, say no more, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, eh? Say no more, say no more..."
And recalling an appropriate Churchillism: "These are the things up with which, we will not put!"
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