Posted on 08/07/2002 4:23:30 PM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March
Ok fellow freepers. The aristocracy had fun deciding which 'hick town' was the armpit of America. Naturally it had to be rural and conservative. A tad redneck.
They were way off the mark. I would have picked New York prior to 9-11. I mean, good grief. Hellery's husband pardoned bomb terrorists to get her elected, the scandal is exposed to every New Yorker and they elected her anyway? She was silent on the issue for at least a week. But well, perhaps NY had been reborn in blood. So, I'm tempted to give them a pass.
Arkansas? Could that be the armpit of America? The home of NationsBank, Tyson Chicken, Walmart, Web Hubbell, and the Big Creep himself?
Then there is the delightful state of New Jersy, which is batting a thousand at elected scandal-swamped senators. Not only the Torch, but also Corzine.
Some might choose South Dakota. Not only do they keep re-electing Timber Tom [also called Rushmore Daschle], but they also go three days without brushing their teeth. So many choices....
Yes. As a matter of fact, my husband and I went to a lovely expensive restaurant there, and my husband was mugged in the parking lot. Nice place, lovely people.
I'll just lay out a few general comments.
Alabama: Pretty state (not wild about Biloxi), friendly people. Definitely gets a bad rap.
California: I already live in a commie hell-hole. Why would I want to go there?
Connecticut: Commie state crawling with storm troopers who like ringing the Governor's cash register. People on bicycles are clocked on radar.
Florida: Yellow, tepid, tap water, sharks, alligators, bugs as big as your fist, and legions of zombies from "Dawn of the Dead" behind the wheels of Caddies. What's not to like about Florida?
Georgia: Would be like Alabama if it weren't for Atlanta.
Hawaii: Waikiki looks like a Japanese fantasy land.
Kentucky: Ever heard of the Knob Creek Machine Gun shoot? You have to see it to believe it. Some day I'll post pictures......
Massachusetts: Occupied Enemy Territory. I live here. Don't come here unless you're bringing Patton's 8th Army with you.
Mississippi: "Sunday Best" doesn't look so good in Mississippi. Maybe Trent will attend the W.V. University of Pork in his spare time and learn from the master how to help that place out.
New Jersey: The Police State. I lived there for 15 years, I know.
New York: Actually has three armpits, (with all due respect, I was born there) NYC, Albany, and Buffalo. I once refused to check into a Best Worstern hotel in Buffalo because I noticed the red light twirling over the front door. Most of the rest of the state is pretty nice.
North Carolina: Western part of the state is very nice. Central part is becoming yuppie mall central.
South Carolina: Looks a little down on it's luck but nice folks. Last time I was there you could smoke cigars anywhere in the airport! Two points for SC!
Texas: The pizza joint is big enough to put in an indoor, Olympic-sized swimming pool. There's three people in it: You, and the owners.
The midwest in general: Lousy food except for great steaks. Waaaaayyyy too many "Parking Nazis." Stay out of Madison, Wisc. unless you carry around a portrait of Stalin with you.
Northwest: Some of the friendliest people with a ready smile I've ever met - assuming you're out of the big cities.
Southwest: Is this the same strip-mall we were at yesterday or is this a different one?
After all of the wise-cracking, I've met fine, patriotic, "conservative" Americans in every state I've been to. Sometimes you have to look a little harder in than in others, but they're there. This is America, right? Too bad they don't all live in the same state, I'd move there in a heartbeat.
Democrats should be represented with the color red as they used to be, and the reddest state of them all per the 2000 vote is Rhode Island (by a slight margin over New York) with 61% of the voters being Gorebots. Of course, if you include D.C. (85% Gorebots) it's not even a close race.
No.
Have you been to Los Gatos, California? Or for that matter Alameda on the East Bay side in California?
Yes.
What comes out of an anus?
Ummm. Those would mostly be the people who moved here from up north.
This one's a no brainer.
If Hollywierd's the state's anus?
Why then, Bezerkely has to be the sphincter.
Of course.
For another state with severe problems-- all brought on by nearly fifty years of nothing but RATS in power, you have to add HAWAII. The place is the toe jam of the world.
The winters are tough though.
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