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man ignites self with own flatulence
ananova | 4/15/02

Posted on 04/15/2002 9:11:55 AM PDT by galt-jw

Ananova :

Patient having op on backside breaks wind, causing fire

A Danish man having surgery on his backside broke wind and set his genitals alight.

A surgeon was removing a mole on his backside with an electric knife when the man broke wind, lighting a spark.
His genitals had been washed with surgical spirits and caught fire.

He's suing the hospital for pain and suffering and loss of income.
He says he had to take extra time off work and can't have sex with his wife. The hospital says it was an unfortunate accident.

"When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burning like hell," the man told Danish Newspaper BT.

Surgeon Dr Jorn Kristensen said: "No-one considered the possibility the man would break wind during the operation, let alone that it would catch fire. It was an unfortunate accident."

The 30-year-old patient said: "I've had to be booked off work for longer than expected and, besides the pain, I can't have sex with my wife."

The operation which was being carried out at the Kjellerups hospital, was aborted immediately after the accident.

Reports says it's unlikely the doctor will face disciplinary action.

Story filed: 11:33 Sunday 14th April 2002


TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: flatulence; ignites
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To: galt-jw
From Darwin Awards Part 3

Actual article from the LA Times

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

TOP TEN SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY

10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum..."

9) "So I peered into the tube..." (I’m sorry, but that’s like looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.)

8) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self-esteem) being shot out of the guy’s ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky & Bullwinkle.

7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s anus.

I’m just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s "tunnel of love."

6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.

5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can’t imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc., it’s like this. You see, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube..."

4) "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn’t this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy poop after something like this? And the smell of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green earth.

3) People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."

2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?

1) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons?

101 posted on 04/15/2002 2:58:01 PM PDT by SC DOC
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To: galt-jw
"What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-going' on here?!!"
102 posted on 04/15/2002 2:58:30 PM PDT by Charles Martel
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To: dead
I had a friend in college who used to do this. He could shoot a ten inch flame out of his butt.

So can my husband......what is it with men & farts?

103 posted on 04/15/2002 3:07:10 PM PDT by Protect the Bill of Rights
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To: Protect the Bill of Rights
what is it with men & farts?

Hey - you married him......

104 posted on 04/15/2002 3:10:47 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob
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To: dead
My brother once did that. Made all of us turn the lights in the living room off, and then Poof! or should I say Poot! Fireworks!!! He burned a hole in his shorts!!!
105 posted on 04/15/2002 3:12:00 PM PDT by HelgaHawk
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To: Hacksaw
I hope I never have to sit next to your cube if you partake in office farting. I had a cube-neighbor who would fart all day (a man, of course). Fortunately he's gone now. It was very very loud.
106 posted on 04/15/2002 3:15:59 PM PDT by HelgaHawk
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To: HelgaHawk
Did he ever laugh or did he just pretend that nothing happened?
107 posted on 04/15/2002 3:21:26 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: galt-jw
Passing gas during surgery is an act of terrorism. This guy is a homicide bomber. The surgeons should have him arrested pronto.
108 posted on 04/15/2002 3:22:17 PM PDT by desertcry
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To: galt-jw
Howard Stern would love this guy on one of his videos! The guy is now the next Fart Man!
109 posted on 04/15/2002 3:23:40 PM PDT by Lucky2
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To: Foghat
IF THIS WON'T JUST BURN YOUR BALLS!....... I had a mole upon my butt, so I scheduled a time too have it cut. The day arrived and I was put too sleep, when out of my butt some gas did creep. The gas caught fire and rapidly spread as I lay there on my burning bed. Can't end this poem without it being said, guess there will be no more thinking with my "little head".
110 posted on 04/15/2002 3:25:46 PM PDT by suni
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To: Texaggie79
He had ABSOLUTELY no shame. He would even do it standing next to you at the printer. We complained to management, and all he told them was that he was sick... I figured he was sick all the time. Always drank milk at lunch, I just wanted to pour the stuff over his head. But after he left, I bought one of those remote fart machines and glued it under his old chair (yuk, don't know how I even dared to touch it). Everytime someone would walk by his empty cube, I'd hit the remote and 'let 'er rip!!! It was hilarious!!! People thought he was back, and others thought it wasn't him in the first place and started looking at each other accusingly!!!
111 posted on 04/15/2002 3:29:50 PM PDT by HelgaHawk
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To: suni; Tennessee_Bob; Dead
(applause) I say you submit that to the FR poetry division!!!
112 posted on 04/15/2002 3:36:19 PM PDT by Texaggie79
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To: HelgaHawk
People like that are especially bad with older office furniture. With naugahyde or leather, there's a greater propensity for buttcheek flap. This results in longer 'hang time' and a deeper report.
113 posted on 04/15/2002 3:50:45 PM PDT by Noumenon
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To: SC DOC
OMG I can't stop laughing!
114 posted on 04/15/2002 3:52:21 PM PDT by CyberCowboy777
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To: Lazamataz
Thought you'd like this..
115 posted on 04/15/2002 3:58:36 PM PDT by stands2reason
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To: suni
ROFLMAO!!!
116 posted on 04/15/2002 4:03:33 PM PDT by stands2reason
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To: dead
Yep. I had a buddy in the Army who made some extra change with that stunt. His back-up trick was a mouth full of Ronson lighter fluid sprayed out over a lighted Zippo.
We called him "Torch". ( Truth )
117 posted on 04/15/2002 4:12:05 PM PDT by Pompah
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To: galt-jw
watch for the nbc miniseries.

Yes, ER's been running out of ideas for a long time and have progressively been pushing the liberal media mantra of "man=bad, stupid, weak\lesbian= good, smart, tough" lately, I'm sure they would like nothing better than to set a man's b@lls on fire.

118 posted on 04/15/2002 4:12:33 PM PDT by RckyRaCoCo
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To: galt-jw
This belongs in Breaking News...er... Breaking Wind News
119 posted on 04/15/2002 4:17:25 PM PDT by woofie
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To: suni
aren't you the funny one. a poet that don't know it. and they say child birth is painful....riiigghhttt. :-)
120 posted on 04/15/2002 5:09:04 PM PDT by Swan
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