Eghad, he doesn't get cheese?
Posted on 02/07/2002 9:50:22 AM PST by ko_kyi
I don't get it.
If it is a big secret then please respond privately.
ROTFLMAO
Spewed Riccotta all over my monitor...Venuezulan Beaver Cheese??? LOL...
Handshake yourself at the nearest washbasin???
Oh the humanity...
Laz, please ping me on these threads - I really don't want to miss seeing your sister get moosed.
So sharp, in fact, I cannot take myself on a plane. ;-D
I like my cheddar SHARP, but not that sharp! Too sharp to digest. You best stick with the soft cheeses. Maybe try a rod of string cheese.
hahaha You've asked the question alot of us have wondered about....
pssssssst.....I don't get it either, but I pretend I do!
I'll have to read this thread thoroughly to see if the TRUTH is revealed!
It sure is...but you'll have to read the whole thing, twice. Then it will become clear as a bell on a cold Sunday morning.
And a rod of string cheese? A ROD? I'd rather have an argument, thank you very much. Or perhaps a course of arguments. Not contradictions, arguments. No name-calling, just arguments.
Cheez, i dunno, I've see you sharpen some claws pretty good!!!!
Oh, terribly sorry. This is abuse. Arguments are next door.
Then perhaps you need to see the Cheese Sketch!
Setting: A cheese shop, National Cheese Emporium, whose owner (played by Eric Idle) is standing behind the counter.
A customer, played by John Cleese, enters the shop.
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner:: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner:: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
Owner:: Peckish, sir?
Customer: Esuriant.
Owner:: Eh?
Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!
Owner:: Ah, hungry!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
Owner:: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Owner:: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
Owner:: Sorry?
Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
Owner:: So he can go on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
Owner:: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
Owner:: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Owner:: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Owner:: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Owner:: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Owner:: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Owner:: Sorry.
Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
Owner:: No.
Customer: Lipta?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Lancashire?
Owner:: No.
Customer: White Stilton?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Danish Brew?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Double Goucester?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Cheshire?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Dorset Bluveny?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?
Owner:: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Owner:: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
Customer: Oh, I like it runny.
Owner:: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Owner:: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
Customer: I don't care how bloody runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Owner:: Oooooooooohhh........!
Customer: What now?
Owner:: The cat's eaten it.
Customer: Has he.
Owner:: She, sir.
(pause)
Customer: Gouda?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Edam?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Case Ness?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Smoked Austrian?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?
Owner:: No, sir.
Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
Owner:: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Owner:: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
Owner:: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
Owner:: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
Customer: Greek Feta?
Owner:: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
Owner:: no
Customer: Parmesan,
Owner:: no
Customer: Mozarella,
Owner:: no
Customer: Paper Cramer,
Owner:: no
Customer: Danish Bimbo,
Owner:: no
Customer: Czech sheep's milk,
Owner:: no
Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Owner:: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?
Owner:: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world!
Owner:: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
Owner:: 'Illchester, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Owner:: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Owner:: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
Owner:: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
Owner:: I'll have a look, sir... .....nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Owner:: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner:: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
Owner:: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
Owner:: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
Owner:: Told you sir....
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
Owner:: No.
Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Owner:: Yessir?
Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
Owner:: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Owner:: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Owner:: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Owner:: Right-Oh, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the Owner:)
Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
What's an argument?
What's a contradiction?
Are those synonyms for a *ROD of string cheese*? :)
From there, the cheese references just grew and now will appear in almost any thread that gets boring just to liven things up. A reposting of the infamous Monty Python "Cheese Sketch" is sort of mandatory by unwritten rule.
The moose references are sort of the same thing. I don't know if anyone else started it before me, but I began posting the "A moose once bit my sister" subtitle sequence from the opening credits of Monty Python and the Holy Grail on threads that otherwise didn't make much sense probably in the same vein as the "I like cheese" replies. It was sort of a mockery of comments on threads that were not fit for anything but injecting some humor. Also, from time to time people post articles about Moose sitings or Moose accidents or strange Moose happenings. Anytime a thread is posted with Moose in the headline it is just an invitation for someone to post the moose bit my sister humor. After a while, the two kind of merged so that anytime you see a cheese thread the moose shows up and vice versa.
Now that you know all that, here are the subtitles from the opening credits of Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër ?
See the løveli lakes
The wøndërful telephøne system
And mäni interesting furry animals
Including the majestik møøse
A Møøse once bit my sister...
No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...
We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.
Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti...
We apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.
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