The world's funniest joke? Scientists investigating laughter pick the world's funniest joke.

Sydney Morning Herald ^ | Thursday, December 20, 2001 | Various

[summer]

A joke some people think is really funny is this one:

First Man: "I hear you just had an accident."

Second Man: "Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected $20,000, and my wife who was in the accident with me got $5,000."

First Man: "Did she get hurt?"

Second Man: "No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion."

[hulagirl]

Now, THAT'S funny!

[jrewingjr]

Diction is important too. If you can say that phrase quickly and correctly 3 times in a row they will know, heheh.

[Hank Rearden]

These guys are *very* slow. Monty Python did all this over 30 years ago in their very first show, detailing the original Killer Joke. So funny, everyone who heard it died laughing. Used in the trenches in WWI to great effect.

[southernnorthcarolina]

"Some of these jokes are as old as the hills."

For sure. Maybe we could try to come up with the oldest joke, rather than the best. For instance...

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: "Hey, why the long face?"

Hey, I never said it was good, only old. It also has the virtue of brevity.

[Timesink]

One joke which had the Germans in stitches involved a long-winded description of how to tell the weather by placing your dog outside the back door and examining its fur. It ends: "Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, the CAT."

That's not funny!

[Timesink]

So this seal walks into a club.

[lowbridge]

[Stultis]

O.K., here's a good joke.

This guy has this parrot that really talks: it's not just a mindless mimick like the average parrot. Only problem is the damn thing cusses like a sailor. The guy's got a date over and the parrot is making all sorts of obscene and suggestive comments, or the minister is over for dinner and the parrot is taking the Lord's name in vain.

So one day the guy just gets fed up with this behavior. He grabs the parrot of its perch, takes it out to the garage, and shoves it in the deep freeze.

The parrot goes absolutely ape-sh!t. "SQUAAAAAWK, You S.O.B. Lemme the %^&* outa here!" and so on like that. But after a little while it quiets down and after a little while longer there's not a peep out of it.

Eventually the guy opens up the freezer and the parrot comes crawling out, obviously subdued and contrite. "O.K.," it says, "I get the point. No more cussing ever again. But first I gotta ask you one thing..."

"What the F--- did the CHICKEN do?"

[jlogajan]

Maybe we could try to come up with the oldest joke, rather than the best.

The Chinese philospher Confusious was quite the jokster. "Confucious say, cross eyed teacher cannot control pupils."

[southernnorthcarolina]

I think I liked your polling analysis during the campaign better. Or to put it another way: don't give up your day job. :-)

[AUsome Joy]

OK, old joke!!

Teacher tells child he has to write a sentence with the word "pregnant", so he goes home and asks his mother what "pregnant" means. She says, "To carry a child". So the child writes his sentence, "The fireman went up the ladder and came down pregnant."

This one is really old as you can tell. There isn't a child in America today that doesn't know what pregnant is.

[Revolting cat!]

"QUICK! Make up a funny story about almost getting killed!"

Now admit it! That the one you made up!

[edayna]

Speaking of brevity...

A man walks into a bar.
The other man ducks.

[WIMom]

The best:

New Zealand:

A priest conducts a service in church "The person who puts the most in the church collection box can choose three hymns," he says. The collection box comes back after being filled up and he finds that someone has donated $1,000.

"Who has donated a thousand dollars?" he asks. A women raises her hand. The priest invites her to the front and tells her to choose three hymns. Pointing at the three most handsome men in the church she says: "I'll have him, him and him."

And the men jokes are much better than the lame women jokes. I've heard this same joke only with women:

A woman runs home and bursts in yelling: "Pack your bags sweetheart, I've just won the lottery, all six numbers!" He says: "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" She replies: "I don't care ... just pack and shove off!"

Who did they use as test subjects for this study?

[DoctorMichael]

Henny Youngman-type Bump.

[NC_Libertarian]

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

I don't understand it, but I thought that joke was hysterical the first time I heard it.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

HAHAHAHAHA Touche'

[Stultis]

Henny Youngman-type Bump.

Wouldn't that be a "Ba-Dum-Bump"?