Posted on 12/14/2001 3:21:12 PM PST by Dr. Octagon
Yes God does hold men repsonsible, but he holds women responsible as well. And I also would disagree that the wife doesn't ALWAYS respond in the most positive way. I can testify to that personally and I blame a lot on culture and this whole idea of 'finding yourself'. Listened to a sermon just today that a lot of the issues are brought upon by the fact that we have become a right here, right now world and the world culture is teaching that unless you're getting everything out of the relationship that you want(be it status, possessions, wealth, etc) then you not only have the right to leave, but the responsibility to leave and go find what makes you 'happy'. Interestingly enough, the sermon was 24 years old and is still true today.
A woman's responsibility for her husband and her family is outlined in Proverbs 31. However, nowhere does it say anything about "her" being responsible for the "relationship" itself.
And ... God clearly indicated who was responsible for the relationship when he ask Adam, "What have YOU done". After all, Adam was responsible for "tending" the garden - and Eve being deceived proved Adam was not doing his job.
If God was so concerned about the woman's responsibility, why didn't he ask Eve, "What have you done?" Surely God already knew what Eve had done? The fact that God did not inquire to Eve indicates God was placing responsibility upon Adam - whether he wanted it or not. And ... Adam only added insult to injury by insinuating it was God's fault ("it was that woman YOU gave me).
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree,of which I commanded thee, saying,Thou shalt not eat of it:
Also, that bit about Adam blaming God..."12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done?"
Talk about only seeing what you want to see...
Just a little reminder.
While SOME of what you say is, no doubt, true, I would hasten to point out that in many, many cases the woman is the one who initiates the divorce due to the fact that hubby has gotten into the habit of having his cake (home life, wife, children) and eating it (girlfriend, bars, drinking buddies, etc.), too. Not all (nor, maybe even, mostly all), but a great many. Also, when you see REAL incidents of "domestic" violence, it is generally the man who is the perpetrator and I'm not talking about all the poor guys who have only been "accused" of this by some vindictive, slutty, moron of a "wife".
Now then, having gotten THAT out of the way, I see the REAL problem that is contributing to the high divorce rate as lack of morality and spirituality. I think that all would agree that we saw the divorce rate (AND pre-marital sex rate) spiral in wake of God and Christian morality being systematically removed from schools and public life. People no longer believe that sex is something to be shared WITHIN a LIFE-LONG marriage as ordained by God. Sex is to have "fun" and thus, nothing is sacred to a marriage between a man and a woman. Nowadays, marriage is not really viewed as an "until death do us part" committment. It is viewed more as a "until I see something better" arrangement. The FACT is, that more men seem to be "straying" than their spouses. Let's all be realisic here, shall we? Women (espcially after giving birth to two or three children) tend to lose a lot of that svelt figure (too tired to exercise at the end of the day - espcially if she's having to work outside the home as well as deal with the needs of little ones in the evenings and at night), she doesn't have as much free time to "pay attention" to that "fragile" male ego nor does she often-times have the energy to desire sex (although she would probably still like to cuddle and snuggle). The men, in the mean time, see the expanding waist-line and lack of attention to them as total disinterest and begin to (maybe) unconsciencely seek the attention of another woman. If/when they DO receive this "outside" attention, they carry things too far (an affair, etc.) and then when the wifey finds out and files for divorce, SHE gets blames for "initiating" said proceedings.
Now, I realize that to a large part, this is an over-simplification, but it is entirely too prevalent to dismiss completely (and yes, I DO know that this door swings both ways). Until we can get back to seeing divorce as a BAD thing and until we can start re-teaching our children the REAL meaning and responsibilities of marriage, we will see this trend continue and the nanny-state government providing a "safety-net" only makes the entire "single parent" thing more viable.
Sorry here, dear, but you are flat out wrong on this one. Sometimes, although, granted, not often, SURVIVAL is THE key issue. When one spouse is REALLY in fear of their and/or their children's survival, there is a REAL cause/necessity for divorce. Case in point: I married in my early twenties to a man who, like myself, was a "social drinker". Two children later, he began keeping company with several single guys who drank heavily (probably due to the fact that I saw it as our responsibility to stay home MOST nights and raise our children instead of allowing his mother to do it - so he started going out by himself). Well, to make a long story of several deteriorating years short, he turned into a full-fledged alcoholic, later got into drug abuse (never mind the AA meetings that a long-time friend of his and I tried to support him through), became verbally AND physically abusive (almost killed me twice - once after being released from a rehab center because the insurance ran out). With a few more twists and turns to the process I finally filed for divorce. Does it make me selfish that I wanted to be able to live and raise my children (the ones that I had already been essentially raising by myself for over 10 years) or does it simply mean that I had done all I could to rectify the situation and finally realized that I coulnd't do it and wanted my children and I to spend the next years in a safe environment? Go ahead, make sweeping generalizations if you wish but, be careful about lumping ALL divorces or ALL situations into one category please. Not every situation will fit the generalization.
Morality means little to them. Commitment means nothing. Our society has become one of sex for pleasure only. We have a shallow society. People seek meaning in life, but they cannot find it. Look at how many people are on drugs now. They look for pleasure and happiness, but these things are like puffs of smoke. They cannot grasp it. They can see it, but when they try to close their hands on the smoke, it wafts between their fingers.
Such is our modern life.
Wait a minute. Wives have a responsibility as well. Marriage is still a two-way street. Lets not beat up on the guys with baseball bats while handing the ladies a rose and say, that's ok, it's not your fault.
You need to rethink your reasoning on this point. The marriage vows say nothing about society, and there is a reason for this. What happens between a man and his wife is between them only.
Yeah, you are right. Adam should have hit her up alongside the head with a tree branch. Things would have gone much better.
Many pasters today have a good reason, to them, for doing that. I think that many Church women are naive. Many divorces are taking place in Churches today.
Actually, the increase in the pre-marital sex rate closely parallels with the acceptance of and increased usage of the Pill. Contraception (especially the non-barrier kind) severed the link between procreation and sex in a lot of people's minds.
I, like you, am somewhat put off by all of the accounts of horrible wives that are frequently made by Freeper males. (And they tend to confirm the stereotype of conservatives as angry, white males. )Is it possible that American women are the pampered, demanding, inconsiderate witches as they are so often described? Perhaps, but my guess is that there are a lot of unrealistic expectations about marriage out there, also.
BINGO!! Even children are no longer taught about personal responsibility, hence, have NO conception of how to handle hard-times, adversity nor conflict and how to accept responsibilty.
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