[ChemistCat]

Oh--my Dad can print out images as easily as text, so cartoons would be welcome too. THANKS.

[lowbridge]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!!! :-)

[Timesink]

So this seal walks into a club.

[lowbridge]

[Cool Guy]

A priest was seated next to Ex-President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders.

The Ex-President asked for a whisky & soda, and the flight attendant asked the priest if he would also like a drink. The priest replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"

The Ex-President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."

[coloradan]

FR search for "joke" threads. Try the one about blondes.

[July 4th]

Most politically incorrect bumper sticker:

Nuke the Homeless Gay Whales

[lowbridge]

[zeaal]

I am jokeless ... but, will bump this around for a laugh.

Blessings for a speedy and complete and painless recovery.

[SharonLorraine]

I hope this doesn't get me banned but here goes... What's the best pick up line in a gay bar? May I push in your stool?

[tacticalogic]

What happens when you give a lawyer viagra?

He gets taller.

[11B3]

Go to this site - you'll be there for hours. Jokes

That manipulation of her knee is VITAL to the surgery being a success - so is the physical therapy that follows it. IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER, MAKE SURE THAT SHE FOLLOWS UP WITH THE EXERCISES. IF NOT, SHE'LL BE IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. I've got a friend that got lazy after her surgery, and that's where she's spending the rest of hers - at age 42. The therapy hurts like hell - but the alternative is much worse.

I wish her the best of luck - she's going to need your help.

[Tall_Texan]

There was a woman who once had a knee operation (stop me if you've heard this before) and they put her in this contraption that keeps the knee moving for the entire night. It's really painful. (here comes the good part) So the doctor walks in to the room to check on her and she asks the doctor "will this make my knee good as new?" (tee hee - this is gonna kill ya!) and the doctor says "your knee? I thought we were preparing you for labor!"

[xm177e2]

Good luck with your recovery!

[notyourregularhandle]

Bin Laden's PEE PEE

MY PEE PEE

[alcuin]

Rivero has a lot of funny stuff on What Really Happened?.

[capitan_refugio]

Saddam Hussein and President Bush met to work out Middle East problems. Hussein says to Bush, "You know Mr. President, I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was traveling through your country and that in every window of every business, school, and home there were signs that read, "Welcome Saddam, Beloved Leader!" What do you think of that?"

President Bush responded, "That's very ironic. I, too, had a dream last night! I dreamed that I was traveling through Iraq. All of the schools and factories had been rebuilt. The children looked well-fed and happy. The people were smiling. And in every window of every business, school, and home there were signs."

Saddam then asked, "What did the signs say?"

Bush answered, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

[Feiny]

Polock walks into a bar with a handful of dog crap and yells at the bartender, "Look what I almost stepped in!"

[Free Vulcan]

A lawyer and a dentist are standing in line at the supermarket. All of a sudden the dentist unzips a fanny pack he has on, takes out a couple of dental tools, and procedes to give the gentleman in front of him a dental exam right there on the spot.

The lawyer is flabbergasted. 'What the HELL are you doing?,' he says to the dentist. The dentist replies, 'He's my patient, I'm giving him a checkup.'

The lawyer says, 'At the supermarket, in public?'

The dentist replies, 'All the time, I do this for all my patients I run into on the street.'

The lawyer says, 'Well, I'm his lawyer, you don't see me out in public screwing my client in the a**, do you?'

[rwfromkansas]

I have a rather funny one I got from my uncle that has Abe Lincoln giving advice to Clinton...and well, it probably shouldn't be told because it suggests Clinton should get himself assassinated....lol.

But in any case, have you heard the one about the lady who kept coming to the white house and asked where President Clinton was? The Secret Service agent at the gate said, "he is not here anymore. Bush is now president." So she would leave....then she kept coming back over and over with the same result, until the SS agent said "why do you keep coming when you know clinton is gone from the Presidency?" She then said, "I knew Bush was the President, but I had to come all these days to remind myself how cool it is!" That is not exactly like what was told to me, but it does fit as close as I recall....it is more like a humorous little story than joke though.

[petuniasevan]

George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, an old granny, and a pretty young blonde were all traveling in the same rail car.
The train entered a long tunnel, and a few seconds later there was a resounding SLAP!
As the train came back out into the sunlight, it was obvious that Clinton had taken one on the chops.

The granny thought, "Well, he had it coming!"
The pretty blonde thought, "I'll bet Bill tried to grope me and got her!"
Clinton thought, "I'll bet Bush copped a feel and the blonde thought it was me."
Bush thought, "That was fun! Next tunnel, I'll slap him again!"