The Female of the Species

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[backhoe]

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

The Female of the Species

    WHEN the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
    He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
    But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
    He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
    But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
    They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
    'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
    For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
    For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
    But when hunter meets with husbands, each confirms the other's tale—
    The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

    Man, a bear in most relations—worm and savage otherwise,—
    Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
    Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
    To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

    Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
    To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
    Mirth obscene diverts his anger—Doubt and Pity oft perplex
    Him in dealing with an issue—to the scandal of The Sex!

    But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
    Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
    And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
    The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

    She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
    May not deal in doubt or pity—must not swerve for fact or jest.
    These be purely male diversions—not in these her honour dwells—
    She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

    She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
    As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
    And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
    Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

    She is wedded to convictions—in default of grosser ties;
    Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies!—
    He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
    Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

    Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights,
    Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites,
    Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
    And the victim writhes in anguish—like the Jesuit with the squaw!

    So it comes that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
    With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
    Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
    To some God of Abstract Justice—which no woman understands.

    And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
    Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.
    And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
    That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.

---

This poem can be found, for example, in:

• Kipling, Rudyard. Rudyard Kipling's Verse: Inclusive Edition, 1885-1918. London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1919.
• Felleman, Hazel, ed. The Best Loved Poems of the American People. Garden City, NY: Garden City Books, 1936.

[Sabertooth]

There once was a finicky ocelot,
Who all year long was cross a lot,
            Except at Thanksgiving,
            When he enjoyed living
And ate cranberry sauce a lot.

~Ogden Nash

[Victoria Delsoul]

Men

It's amazing the things guys
try to make us believe.
Really girls, do we look that naive?

How many hours they spend in the weeks,
thinking of ways to get us between sheets.
Their pickup lines are really lame,
most of them seem to be all the same.
And professional men they all seem to be,
making big bucks is what they tell me.

Heaven forbid,
if you're classed as a blond.
Then they think, they can't go wrong.
They don't seem to know
this color comes in a bottle.

But most know the difference between
a wiggle and a wottle.
We won't tell them all that we know,
we'll just let them put on their show!

[Sabertooth]

So then one day she asks you, "Do these pants make me look fat?"
And you bite your tongue and tremble, "Oh my God... She asked me that?!"
Because no matter how you answer, you'll have to post the bail,
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

[Sabertooth]

How many hours they spend in the weeks,
thinking of ways to get us between sheets.

168 or so.

[Syncro]

...tiniest perceived slight...

Or imagined...

We never forget...:)

LOL...

[Syncro]

*lol*

[Syncro]

Hmmmmm, not necessarily true....

[Sir Gawain]

:-(

[Victoria Delsoul]

Saber's tie

There was this man
whose name was Saber
he worked in an office
doing clerical labor

Now Saber really liked clothes,
and he dressed very well.
The women always told him,
he looked real swell.

He kept his clothes pressed,
and clean, he always looked perk.
In spite of the fact, he only owned
2 suits 3 ties and a shirt.

One day he was looking thru the files,
when his tie got caught.
Ripping it in half, 2 inches
from the knott.

The next day while he was typing,
again his tie got caught.
and this one too was ruined,
on it was a big ink spot.

Well, the following day, the fax machine
grabbed his tie, around his throat.
Words that came out of his mouth
I'm sure not going to quote.
Now as you know, Harry
only had 3 ties.

So after that, he had no more
and everyone thought that was wise.
On Fathers day, his daughter
bought him a new one.
He wore it to work, he didn't care
when his peers, at him poked fun.

[is_is]

really is is her excuse

Hey!!!...i resemble that remark!!!

[WIMom]

A double ping! Thanks, tiger. Happy Thanksgiving!

[Sir Gawain]

Now as you know, Harry only had 3 ties.

Hmmmmmmm.

[kmiller1k]

Too bad such a flair at poetry was wasted on a man

But the valued talent belongs to the softer sex

She who has the gift for the man between the sheets

Rules the man and the world and has the royal seat!

[Sabertooth]

"...he didn't care when his peers, at him poked fun."

Victoria, you sassy lass
Of steely wit and brassy class
Poke fun at me, that will not pass
Do that again, I'll..............................!

[Victoria Delsoul]

Yeah well, it's Harry Saber.

[Syncro]

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him Must command but may not govern—shall enthral but not enslave him.

Thank goodness they never forget this part...

[Sabertooth]

Too bad such a flair at poetry was wasted on a man

As seaman is to royal fleet
As seed is to beginning,
As pen is to the paper sheets,
So poets are between the linens.

[kmiller1k]

Too bad such a flair for poetry was wasted on a man... If it weren't for the icky sex part I'd be married to a woman ;-)

[kmiller1k]

Too bad such a flair for poetry was wasted on a man... If it weren't for the icky sex part I'd be married to a woman ;-)