Posted on 12/13/2017 4:50:06 AM PST by Kaslin
‘We used the term “picking on” to describe what was mostly verbal harassment and very minor, if any physical contact. And there was very little of that.’
that’s how I remember it from the early ‘60’s...it was mostly a showboating thing...
Seems to be universal that people are bullied.
I’ve hardly met a person yet who wasn’t although the few that didn’t have that problem turned out to BE the bullies.
I was bullied, too, like so many others. It does hurt and does leave emotional scars.
Teasing is the worst because it cuts and you begin to believe the lies. It affects your whole perception of yourself.
Additionally, I would not trade the experience of being bullied, as strange as that sounds, for two reasons:
First, I had to learn how to eventually stand up to it.
Second, I have a degree of empathy and consideration for others, and I don’t know if those characteristics would have developed that to the degree they have if I hadn’t been subjected to bullying. It made me understand that I am not necessarily better than someone because I am bigger/stronger/better looking/more aggressive/you name it. It has given me a degree of humility that I value. Keeps me from getting too big for my britches.
I have often heard people who have survived cancer say that they wouldn’t trade the experience (which sounded strange to me) because it changed them in a fundamental way that they value...I think I have come to understand that to a degree.
I was the Batman for kids that got bullied. Still some of my favorite memories of school. Being big and athletic helped. I was the captain of my football team, wrestling team and rugby team. But my best friends were the nerdy, geeky kids. I played Dungeons and Dragons, read comic books, loved to draw and write. But my favorite thing to do was intimidate and/or physically take care of dudes who bullied my weaker friends. Man did I love doing that. Maybe that made me a bully to the bullies, but I don’t care.
I have 3 sons now, 13,11, and 6. They are learning to box and wrestle. I teach them to defend their less gifted friends. So far its working well. I do agree there’s too much parental intervention in school though. Kids need to overcome obstacles in order to grow and thrive. As a parent you need to give them the tools and instruction, but you gotta let them handle adversity as it comes their way and not rely on mommy or daddy to step in.
“.. too many schools turn a blind eye to it”.
I’m not saying there isn’t bullying in the local schools my kids attend or attended... however, it seems to be a lot less than some of the articles I read. In my ES, they have a Best Buddies program. Fourth and fifth graders who are recommended by their teachers spend one or two recess time slots spending time with the special need kids. You would be amazed (or maybe not) how kind these kids become to them. For whatever reason, the high school my kids go to pretty much accepts everyone... not saying there isn’t a male fight or two but “fringe” kids are just seen as “whatever”.
IMHO, too many good parents (emphasis on good) buy into the whole “whatever you do, don’t get suspended”. Suspension in ES, Middle and even high school are meaningless (unless the suspension takes you off an athletic team). I told all my kids from kindergarten on.. don’t ever start a fight, but you darn well should end it”. I told my girls that if they ever get suspended for fighting (and they didn’t start the fight but simply defended themselves ) I would take them out for lunch and a mani/pedi. Yes, I did. My Senior in high school girl saw some Freshman boys verbally picking on a mainstream Aspergers kid a few months ago. They thought it was funny to smash this boys sandwich and tell him he was “retarded and ugly”. So.. my little princess walks up to them, tells them that they will never get a girlfriend because they looked four and then handed her salad to the Asperger child. The want-to-be bullies started to leave when some of her Varsity Football friends blocked their path for a few seconds (an intimidation no less that they too.. can be pushed around) and the event was done. To this day, the Aspy child still says hello to her in the hallway and thinks it is really cool he has a Senior friend that’s a girl. :)
I experienced and saw bullying to a large degree at many levels. It is possible that being a military brat put me in an environment where there might have been more of it (people coming and going, constantly having to prove themselves or measure up in new environments, etc) but I don’t think so.
I think it is a part of the human condition, and it starts at a young age.
Just my opinion.
“ugly... he looks very weird”.
From my understanding, he had a brain tumor removed and that is part of the scarring/unusual appearance.
I don’t put all that much store in Darwin but natural selection in the form of survival of the fittest is observable in most species and humans are far from immune. Be different, expect the crowd to try to force conformity or force you out, it happens again and again although people are very prone to assigning other motives. It can get ugly.
On this dismal post-election morning, your post cheered me up.
God has a special place for those protect the oppressed and the weak.
For the Batman types, so to speak.
You’re fortunate to have size on your side.
I just remembered that they did catch me once because I was with my little brother and they caught him. This was in my sophomore year. Would you believe I talked them out of it? HA! I forgot about that.
Yikes,that's sad! It's easy to see how something like that could cause someone to appear disfigured.
I saw a side view of the boy’s head and there is a huge scar... the “dent” in his forehead is also from the surgery to remove a tumor.
Teaching kids to "withstand" bullying doesn't really prepare them for life after school. In the adult world, it's a crime for someone to attack you physically, or stalk you, or threaten you, or harass you. Today, would you "withstand" having a coworker or a neighbor "wait for you at a certain point every single day for several years"? I rather doubt it.
Bullying is a part of the human condition. Always has been, always will.
There is no way to stop it, you can only lessen the frequency and severity. It is a part of “coming of age”.
Part of it is examples set by their parents, others is the natural desire to see where one stands in the social structure.
Yup. I ended up serving 24 years in the Army, seemed like a good transition! Cheer up. Just do your part, stay vigilant and the world will turn.
Agreed.
By the time I was 12, I had experienced nearly constant bullying as far back as I could remember. Not actual physically damaging assault with blood and bruises in most cases, but simply picking on me or public or private torment.
As an example,I remember one older kid sitting on me with his knees on my shoulders, and he hocked up a lugi, and while he hovered his face over mine, began to let the spit come out. He would let it come out a little bit, then suck it back in. It sounds completely stupid and even kind of funny to consider, but to an eight year old kid, that is pretty bad. (It was also the first time my older brother actually stuck up for me, and pulled the kid off me and got into a fight with him)
I also had a kid who did that stupid thing where they sit on you and grab your hands and begin to make you hit yourself with your own hands. It sounds absurd, but...as a kid, it was real enough and humiliating enough.
I would go home, my clothes and skin dirty or torn, and when my mother would see me, ask what happened. When I told her, she invariably said “You are bigger and stronger than them...sit on them! Just sit on them!”
Easy for her to say, I thought. And she and my father never picked up the phone and called the kid’s parents, I think they know that would only make things worse. They knew I had to learn to stand up to them.
But the thing that got me over the hump was when I DID have enough. I had a kid who picked on me when I got on the bus...he would pretend to lunge at me and stop, laughing when I shrunk away. Or knock my books or lunch out of my hands. He was a year older, in my brother’s class, but kind of scrawny as I recall. One day, I got on the bus and was walking to the back, and he stuck out his foot and tripped me. I recall just laying on my stomach for a second that seemed like an indeterminate amount of time, and in that instant, I just boiled over. I don’t remember thinking at all that I might get my ass kicked...I just saw red. I leaped to my feet and launched myself into his seat and began flailing non-stop with both hands, and I just kept going until I realized he had a bloody nose and not only wasn’t fighting back, but was cowering with his hands up near his face in a completely defensive posture.
In an instant the rage disappeared when I saw this and I stood up, but that was it. Nobody (including him) ever bullied me seriously again after that that I recall. I wonder if there was some subtle change in me after that, like I wasn’t emitting some kind of vibration signalling I was fearful or vulnerable, and I just did not appear to be a prime target anymore. I was never a fighter, and only got into a handful of fights after that (last one was as a 19 year old in the Navy with a guy who pissed in a urinal I had just cleaned for an inspection!) but...didn’t get picked on, either.
Actually, I recall the term “bully” back in the ‘70s.
But unlike today, where the (homo-induced) fad “against” being mean uses the term “bully”, it meant a specific kind of meanness.
A bully was someone who either a) consistently intimidated any given kids who were in his way b) consistently picked on a specific person to the point of following them if possible.
Lots of what they cover is really just “picking on”, although that’s not fun either when it’s consistent.
I had LOTS of that in elementary & middle school; along with some genuine bullying.
I was too ugly for people to resist pushing me around.
Why are **children** expected to cope with an environment that would win an adult MILLIONS if it happened in the workplace?
Children are expected to overcome abuse that, if it were adults doing it, would generate **felony** charges?
Oh, I agree. I think my experience taught me something about people. It also told me that everything passes. I will say that it made me much shyer as an adolescent and adult than I was before. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing.
I grew up in the early 70’s and was blessed with crossed eyes. My entire day from the moment my Mom walked me to the bus stop to the time I got home was being made fun of and harassed. It finally ended in high school when a the eye surgeon was able to straighten them out. I also grew and was one of the biggest kids in class. There were times that I wanted to seek revenge on the kids who taunted me , but I let it go. My revenge was to out perform them, go to college and marry a great looking woman, all of which I did. Its a horrible way to grow up but looking back I think it gave me a tremendous work ethic, empathy for people and drive.
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