Posted on 12/13/2017 4:50:06 AM PST by Kaslin
This week, America found a new cause to rally around: Keaton Jones. Keaton is a middle school student who was apparently viciously bullied at school for the crime of having a scar on his head from the removal of a tumor. His mother filmed a video of him crying as he explained that other kids had poured milk over his head and mocked him; through his tears, Jones questioned why kids treat one another this way.
The video was absolutely heartbreaking.
It was particularly painful for me. I skipped two grades. By the time I hit sophomore year of high school, I was half a foot shorter and 40 pounds lighter than the other kids. The other kids had been in classes together for years; I was a newcomer. That meant being physically shoved into trash cans and lockers. On one overnight trip, some of my classmates handcuffed me to a metal-framed bed and then hit me repeatedly on the rear with a belt. I pretended to sleep through it, and rather unconvincingly.
So I know what Keaton went through. Being bullied makes you feel like a bottle about to burst -- the frustration eats away at your stomach lining and makes you dread going to school. It makes you miserable; even when you're happy, you're constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop.
Still, I don't think Jones' mom should have taken that video.
I think that for two reasons. First, all the celebrity Jones has achieved here won't help him when the cameras turn off. The bullies will still be there, but they'll be twice as cruel, thanks to their belief that he has made fame and fortune off of them. They'll seek to justify their bad actions with more bad actions. CARTOONS | Jerry Holbert View Cartoon
Second, Jones himself isn't going to be helped by this in the long term. No child should have to be bullied, and if someone ever tries to bully my kids, I'll step in with the full range of possibilities at my disposal. But being bullied can have two possible effects: You learn to stand up and cope, or you learn to identify as a victim. If you can hold your head up high even while you're being bullied, you're likely to live a stronger, happier, fuller life. That doesn't mean you're going to be able to knock out the bully a la Daniel in "The Karate Kid." But it does mean you'll be able to better deal with the vicissitudes life has to offer. Those won't end with middle school.
We worry -- rightly -- about bullying in schools. But we should also worry about how victims treat their victimhood and how they can turn that victimhood into strength for the long haul. Our society has sympathy for victims of bullying, as it should. But we should recognize that just as a wounded animal must be prepared to re-enter the wild lest it die in wild conditions, children must be prepared to live in wild conditions. Those conditions represent life for most people at most times. We can and should stick up for victims against bullies. But we should also focus on empowering victims to become the future bulwarks against bullying -- for themselves and for their children.
That is definitely a guy’s perspective, because in my day, girls weren’t encouraged to act like guys, however, I don’t think that is the case today.
As an observer, I see pressure for young girls to drink like guys, engage in sex like guys, and engage in physical assault like guys.
I find it disgusting, destructive, and reprehensible, but there it is. So you see far more incidents of women engaging in the same king of personal assaults that boys used to, and...for what?
But as a guy, you need to show you can deal with it. Doesn’t have to be fisticuffs or even any physical confrontation at all, but if you show yourself to be a doormat, there are guys who will treat you as a doormat.
As I said, there are life lessons and benefits to dealing directly with that kind of uncomfortable situation. And it is uncomfortable. For a young kid, having to confront fear is not an easy thing...it might well be one of the hardest things for a kid to do, but wrapping kids in bubble wrap doesn’t do them any favors.
Bwahahahahahahahaha
I think it is a natural inclination for boys to be sheep dogs instead of sheep, although society is trying very hard to eradicate that impulse in males.
I know what you’re getting at, and frankly I think a few “assault” (really battery) cases could be swept aside especially when it’s just a “disagreement” that’s between 2 adults.
I do think schools should be paying better attention to what goes on, but with all this talk of “bullying” being all the rage (including our private school), there is still alot of misplaced justice. As people mentioned - zero tolerance can = “zero common sense”. Kids who are just REACTING to the truly bad kids often get the punishment, not the kids that deserve it. (It’s happening in our school, where a girl who came later to our school was physically hurting boys in the class, including the tough boys who generally don’t mind roughhousing and aren’t too sensitive; she’s just aggressive. Her folks get “talked to” but nothing really happens to the girl.)
Bullies are mostly symptoms of prisons. Schools are prisons. Government schools are government prisons.
I think there is a level where you and I could find common ground...:)
Some animals are more equal than others...
Good for your daughter, Tammy! A suspension? So what... it doesn’t go on her “high school to college transcripts”. It really isn’t what it was like when I was a kid (meaning only reserved for serious offenses and really for “bad” kids). Your daughter showed her character. She showed her compassion. She showed her humanity. My family would have taken it like a “Badge of Honor” because she was honorable. (plus, she would have gotten a lunch at IHOP (my gals favorite) and a mani-pedi. Good job at being a Mommy, T. Your work showed that day. :)
There is no way to stop it, you can only lessen the frequency and severity. It is a part of coming of age.
Bullying is like any kind of crime--we can't stop it, but that doesn't mean we should just throw our hands up and not even try.
Zero tolerance is just another type of bullying. It is impossible to impose a one-size-fits-all policy; every situation must be considered in the context in which it occurred.
People say fist fighting doesnt solve anything but I have seen it solve bullying and aggressive behavior. That is how it used to work, the kid being bullied or an older sibling or friend would beat up the bully and it worked.
To me, the argument that kids should learn to stand up for themselves is incredibly tedious. Not every kid is physically or mentally able to stand up for him or herself. Many victims of bullying do not have an older sibling or big friend to protect them. One of the hallmarks of bullying is that bullies are careful about who they decide to victimize. They don't choose kids who can fight back. They spread rumors and innuendo and create a toxic environment in which no one will talk to the victim or acknowledge that the victim is a human being. Giving the victim the message that he or she should learn to stand up for him/herself or, worse, that the victim should just tolerate the situation (it builds character!) just reinforces the feelings of despair and worthlessness that the victim already has.
While zero tolerance policies are bad, so, too, are attitudes that bullying should be ignored and allowed to continue unabated. If the behavior would land an adult in prison, or get an adult charged with violating EEO laws, then why is it okay to allow a child to behave that way?
Not suggesting that we don’t try to stop it..nobody wants to be on the receiving end.
But the solutions proffered are not universal, and therein is the real problem. There is no one size fits all to remediating this.
Part of it starts in the home with good parenting. Sorry, but you can’t regulate/mandate parenting styles.
No, but you *can* hold the parents responsible for the kids behavior.
Exactly. And nobody wants to because the parents then bully the school board with threats of lawsuits and pitching a fit.
They just learned to bully in new and creative ways.
Children are not meant to be educated in large herds locked within four walls.
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