Posted on 12/30/2012 9:33:04 PM PST by NKP_Vet
A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Vietnam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ronn was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"
"No" I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that hat?"
"Because I couldn't find one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat..
“I hope being buried in a blue dress was close enough”
Now that is sick, funny, but sick...
You are an ornery ol' cuss aren't you? LOL.
He would have appreciated the joke.
(We didn’t really, of course...)
I was a "Cold Warrior" 1980-84 active and 84-94 reserve. One day while I was home on leave during my active duty stint I was working for a two star general, so I ambled onto the University of Miami ROTC to use their military watts line to call my office and I swear this little 18 yr old co-ed runs up to me in my green uniform and hands me (no kidding) a flower! She squeals "PEACE & LOVE" while wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt. She wasn't even born when that era was in vogue, not by a long shot. I couldn't help myself, I took the flower and .... ATE IT. It was a Dandelion IIRC. You should have seen her face. Changed from peaceful to vitriolic in a flash! She screamed at me: BABY BURNER! I replied thusly: "Napalm napalm, sticks like glue ... sticks to women & babies, too!" Which made it even worse. ROTC was later kicked off campus due to the army's then rather backward attitudes on gay behavior etc. Now they might return, I guess. But this was 1983. My boss, a major at the time, wasn't very pleased at my attempts at public relations and he chastised me on the phone which taught me not to call the office on leave!
My favorite line from the 'Nam era I got from the "Rogue Warrior" Dick Marcinko: DOOM ON YOU. Pronounced that way but spelled: du-ma-nhieu. This is a family forum and so I can't tell you what it means. LOL
I just told this one to my hubby. He cracked up. I just threatened to do the same to him if I can’t find his dress blues.
That generation definitely had a sense of humor. They had to have one to survive what they were handed between the Great Depression and WWII.
Doom? Is there something you'd like to share at this point?
I had an encounter in a bar awhile back with a lady that overheard me talking to a fellow vet...on learning I was a former crewchief/doorgunner she indignantly asked how I could kill women and children.....I replied with a stern look and a whisper in her ear.....Don’t lead them as far as the men....They’ll run right into the bullets every-time....She didn’t ask any more questions...*W*
LOL! I'm so gonna show this to my youngest tomorrow. I have strict instructions that if there is a viewing (who would want to?) I'll be in my chef's jacket with the E-6 stripes on the sleeve, and just 2 ribbons on the breast. (Both me and the chef's jacket should be starched and ironed)
And then burn me. Carefully. There may be flare-ups. Methane, ethanol, ketones, radioactive asbestos radon gas... who knows.
/johnny
Of course, some @sshole bashed into my fender and left without any sort of note. Connected to the veteran plate? Who knows?
My plate is as far as I have gone in pushing my service in liberals faces. May be time to go a lot further.....
I lost my dress blues 40 years ago, and even if I had them, I couldn’t fit them..
Per her request, a family friend was buried with a carton of cigarettes, no matches.
She figured she wouldn’t need them where she was going...
For a year and a half, I shared a 3 acre pasture with 3 bulls. Just them and me, and my little shack.
And a great big stick I carried most of the time.
I caught hell because early one morning in the spring, me, with a hangover, charged out of the shack and yelled at the two fighting bulls for being loud, shaking the ground, and being grumpy. I did get my say. They did stop pounding the earth and smashing into each other.
I woke up the landlord who was asleep on the porch of the shack (what?) as I went by, looking for the stick, or a clipboard or fergodsakesomething.
Never disturb emotionally, and hormonally upset bulls unless you have your running shoes on.
Fixed a lot of fences that spring, and cut two.
/johnny
I got spit on a few times until I kicked the shit out of a spitter..A cop watched and never said a word (I was in uniform at the time).
BUMP what you said.
Yeah, I too suspect the author of this lying drivel is a scumbag rat.
According to a dear friend who was a mortician, they customarily slit open the back, think hospital gown. They’d fit.
Uhh....
Well, I have read all his books.
and I will confess it ain't from these guys:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBRjIWRc45s&feature=player_detailpage
Other that that, I thought it was a catchy handle. :)
When I saw Ice age with the kids i damn near blew popcorn all over the folks in front of us when I saw that scene and got the stink eye from Mrs. Doomonyou.
I always thought it was from those guys...
I'll ask her for a light.
/johnny
Hilarious.....
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