Want to respond to a mislead liberal?

I recently received a copy of a letter from a friend that was addressed to me in as much as I consider myself to be a Liberal, a Leftist, a Social Progressive, and a supporter of Barack Obama. The letter is supposedly from a fellow named John J. Wall and since I fit 4 out of 6 of the group types John wanted to address I felt I should read his letter. Having read his letter, which I have included below for you, I felt I should respond. If you have a reaction to this, good or bad, please feel free to share, but at least cut off or customize the introduction.

Dear John, and all the other people on the ‘Right’, Republicans, Conservatives, ‘Christians’, Fascists, that you supposedly represent:

We’ve been together considerably longer than 59 years. It’s been 233 years by my math, but I forgive you because you’ve never been all that good at fact checking or math. Never the less I gather that you are frustrated. You thought, if you could just get the chance to lead the country for a while, that everyone would come to see the light, step in line, and march to the beat of your drum. That didn’t end up being the case and now your feelings are hurt.

If the last couple of months have brought you to the realization that you don’t believe in an America with freedom of speech and religion, an America that is a cultural melting pot, an America founded on a government based in democracy where all people’s points of view are heard and considered, then perhaps our differences truly are irreconcilable.

Assuming that is the case, I will consider your divorce proposal with the following changes:

First off we’re going to have to go into arbitration. We’re going to have to share Capitalism. After all, you want to give us Hollywood, which is really just a collection of greedy companies making movies, so we’re both going to be making a profit. We’re going to have to divvy up all of the companies, greedy and otherwise. I think you should hold on to Enron and Exxon and all those old school energy companies that are involved in oil and coal. You like them and they like you. We’ll work with the new school renewable energy companies. I’m also pretty certain we should hold on to the nuclear stuff too. I’ve seen how bad you are at math, and I don’t trust you to clean up after yourself.

Regarding the pharmaceutical companies, let’s be serious. You aren’t into preventative health care, you are in it for the money. You only need to hold onto Pfizer so that you can keep on getting erections until Lipitor fails to keep your arteries clean and you keel over from a heart attack. So by all means do keep Pfizer but let us hold on to the companies working on cures and prevention for common ailments the world over. If you survive the heart attack at Hooters, and let’s face it…you know you want Hooters, you can come on up and visit our hospitals that provide health care to all. We’ll try to talk you into a healthy diet and exercise program but we won’t hold our breath.

By the way, we don’t hate guns. We hate gun crime. We want to reduce it and if that means that the general public have to jump through lots of hoops or have special jobs in order to play with BIG guns, we’re okay with that. The point is, you don’t get all the guns. In fact you don’t get most of the guns. We can split them and we’ll distribute ours carefully so that the criminals in your country don’t get any of our guns.

While you are correct in your assumption that we hate war, we know that it is sometimes the price of freedom. So we’ll maintain an armed force as well, and we will care for them and protect them. We probably won’t commit them to fights over resources, preferring instead to fight for ideals. When we do commit them, they will be fully supported to the best of our country’s ability, they will know EXACTLY what they are fighting for and why, and they will know what must be achieved to end the war.

We will happily take all the people you suggest. In fact, John, if you decide to change your mind, we’ll even take you into our country. We value different points of view, just like our forefathers. In fact I’d like to encourage you to try and work with us. It’s what the Constitution and Bill of Rights is all about. Working together. To make a better country and future for generations to come.

So think on it a while before you answer. Things are tough right now, but we’ve beaten the odds before and I think we can do it again if we pay attention to each other.

Average Witty Suburban Male – A.W.S.M Productive member of society and tax payer since 1985

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

"So by all means do keep Pfizer but let us hold on to the companies working on cures and prevention for common ailments the world over."

Pfizer IS one of those companies:

R&D Locations: Groton/New London

Pfizer’s world-class research and development centers in Groton and New London make Connecticut the headquarters of Pfizer Global Research & Development and a major hub of drug discovery, metabolism and development as well as animal health and drug safety evaluation.

Groton/New London is where many of the discoveries and innovations that drive the Pfizer pipeline to new potentials are made. A research and development distribution center of sorts, Groton/New London sends out vital information, tools, technologies, and compounds to scientists and researchers at every level of drug discovery and development across every Therapeutic Area. The discoveries made at Groton/New London provide research teams throughout Pfizer Global R&D with many of the key insights, data, drug targets, and compounds they need to find and develop effective new treatments to improve the health and wellness of people around the world

http://www.pfizer.com/research/rd_locations/groton_new_london.jsp

This liberal reminds me of the quote from the 1978 Superman movie:

Lex Luthor: [about Otis] It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving

Liberals want to pass “hate speech” laws that will be used to silence anyone with an opinion that “offends” the delicate sensibilities of any liberal. Conservatives recognize that EVERYONE has a right to free speech, ESPECIALLY if it is unpopular.

As for drug companies, yes, we will gladly keep the “greedy” pharmaceutical companies. In case you hadn’t noticed, 95% of the new drugs come from those very same “greedy” pharmaceutical companies. You can keep your government sponsored research on embryonic stem cell research which has resulted in ZERO progress. We’ll keep private funded adult stem cell research which has already produced SEVERAL promising results. Oh, did you know that Al Gore invested $6 million in a firm doing research in adult stem cells but has invested nothing in embryonic stem cell research?

BTW, do you know WHY those drugs cost so much? Four reasons, oppressive government regulations, foot dragging government bureaucrats, trial lawyers, and a short window of opportunity before their patent expires. And guess what? THREE OF THE FOUR REASONS ARE CAUSED BY GOVERNMENT! The fourth, trial lawyers, are the Democrats second biggest contributors and they want to make sure that they can sue on the flimsiest of evidence and force the companies to spend tens of millions of dollars defending themselves against frivolous lawsuits.

Don’t believe me? Then listen to the radio for a while. Lawyers are STILL trolling for asbestos “victims” thirty and forty years after shipyards and factories were run out of business by them.

Just see how many doctors you have flocking to your Utopian “free” medical care society. Ever notice that US doctors DO NOT move to Canada or Great Britain or Europe to open a practice?

We will keep big oil and coal and nuclear fuel (you will just shut them down because you are afraid of them anyway) while you ATTEMPT to build 5 million wind turbines to replace just 100 coal fired power plants or chase some pipe dream about sun energy and bankrupt yourselves in the process. BTW, what are you going to do at night when the wind isn’t blowing?

Exactly HOW do you plan on keeping criminals from getting guns? In case you hadn’t noticed CRIMINALS DO NOT OBEY LAWS! Are you going to make it “extra illegal” for criminals to own guns? Great Britain is an ISLAND where private ownership of firearms is virtually unheard of, yet crimes with guns has gone UP every year for the past decade (since the banned guns).

You can have all the lazy bums on welfare and with fake disability claims. You can keep every single illegal alien, we don’t need them to cut our lawn and clean our hotels, we can do it ourselves because we aren’t too cheap to pay Americans a decent wage.

You can keep all the smelly hippies, the ugly, hairy armpit women, the socialist elites, the terrorist sympathizers, and the moral relativists. We’ll keep the word of God and moral absolutes.

Dear Lib,

Your history is very weak. The Fascists, that you think we represent are from your camp. Hitler was a liberal, actually a socialist – the pinnacle of liberalism – and the Nazi party was a socialist party. You guys like socialism, so you get full claim and title to fascism.

We’ve not been together considerably longer than 59 years. Again your history is faulty, probably from the last 50 years of revisionism. This great nation did not embrace socialism before the “New Deal”, which your guy dreamed up. It extended the Depression by nearly a decade and fixed nothing. Your guy’s follow-up plan, “The Great Society” has squandered untold billions and billions of dollars and has not erased poverty. Instead it has created a “Great Society of Dependents” that have learned how to game the system for a free lunch. Perhaps your fact checking and math need a makeover.

Sure, we are frustrated. It is not because our feelings are hurt. It is because we see the liberals creating a society that is so dependent upon Big Government for food stamps, Section 8 housing, unemployment pay, free child care, free medical, free everything, that every election is framed in terms of “those mean Republicans want to take all my free stuff away”. What you liberals miss is that none of that stuff is really free. Somebody is actually working to produce the food, build the housing, generate the electricity, drill the oil and refine it, manufacture the medicines, the bandages, the crutches and casts, and working their butts off in medical school to learn how to treat wounds, diseases and infirmities.

The last couple of months have brought us to the realization that liberals don’t believe in an America with freedom of speech and religion, an America that is a cultural melting pot. You think America is founded on a democracy where 51% of the people can erase the rights of 49% of them. You cannot allow all people’s points of view to be heard and considered, because you can only keep people in your trap if they are uninformed. You cannot allow a conservative to speak at your bastions of liberalism, our colleges and universities, without disrupting them with adolescent antics. You cannot tolerate free conservative speech on the radio and internet. You don’t like what we say, so you try to legislate us off of the air. All you have to do is turn the radio dial and your warped world view won’t get cracked by ugly reality. Yes our differences truly are irreconcilable. We really do believe in free speech instead of free speech for us, nothing for you.

Should we decide upon divorce, it really doesn’t matter what you will consider. Your gravy train ends. You can support your pet causes with your wallets, not ours.
First off you can forget arbitration. We don’t have to to share Capitalism with the very bunch that is doing its level best to kill Capitalism.. We don’t really have to give you Hollywood; it already is you. Sure, it is really just a collection of greedy companies making movies, mostly sold on the premise that they are bashing greedy companies. Too funny.

So now you want to divvy up all of the companies, greedy and otherwise. I thought you guys said all corporations that make a profit are evil. Why would you want any of them? We are happy to hold on to Enron and Exxon and all those old school energy companies that are involved in oil and coal. We do like them and they fuel the economy. We’ll work with the new school renewable energy companies.

So now you want to hold on to the nuclear stuff too. Sorry, your history has failed you again. Don’t you remember the movie “The China Syndrome”? You guys have protested every attempt at building new nuclear plants in this country. Maybe you have forgotten, but we have not.

Regarding the pharmaceutical companies, yes let’s be serious. We are into preventative health care, and we are in it for the money. Again, you guys have heartily condemned the greedy pharmaceutical companies for at least the last 15 years, you can’t be serious about wanting to keep any of them.

Here’s a plan for you; you only need to hold onto the drug companies that aren’t making any money. Since you despise profits so viscerally, this arrangement should be perfect for you. If you want us to have the Hooters girls, that’s ok, they can come with us. We won’t really need to come on up and visit your hospitals that provide health care to all, because they will be defunct. You’ll try to talk me into a healthy diet and exercise program but won’t hold your breath. That’s good. I’ll be finishing up the last mile of my run before going home to make some seriously good tuna au poive with wilted spinach.

So, you don’t hate guns. You hate gun crime. You want the general public have to jump through lots of hoops or have special jobs in order to play with guns, while the criminals don’t give a rat’s ass about what you want. You just don’t get it. The guy that walks into a school and kills 30 people is ALREADY BREAKING THE LAW. Why on earth do you think he is worried about a handgun violation when he is determined to massacre a bunch of innocent kids. The point is, you don’t get most of my guns. In fact you don’t get any of my guns. We are not going to split them and or distribute them carefully. If you don’t think I am capable of safely and sensibly keeping and bearing my weapons, it can only be a projection of yourself that you fear. The criminals in either country will quickly realize that you guys are easy prey, and will relieve you of any of your guns, money, valuables, vehicles and some assorted family members. Don’t call us. Make up some more laws saying that they can’t do it. It has really worked well so far in cities like Chicago, Washington DC, New York and LA

Of course we are correct in our assumption that you hate war. You think that it was once the price of freedom back in the late 1700’s. So you will maintain an armed force as well, and we will tell them you care for them and will protect them. You will be lying, of course, but that’s what you will tell them. We probably won’t commit them to fights over resources, or silly ideals, like freedom, or to save people from oppression and dictators. You will just keep them around so that you can say you support them. When we do commit them, they will be fully supported to the best of our country’s ability, they will know EXACTLY what they are required to do in order to maintain control of evidence during fighting and why they must inform non-uniformed jihadist of their Miranda rights in a country outside the bounds of our constitution. They will know that they must never offend the enemy. They will know that the war will end as soon as blood is shed and caught on camera.
We are glad you will happily take all the people we suggested.

We know you value different points of view, just like our former enemies. Of course you’d like to encourage us to try and work with you. It’s the politically correct thing to do. But we respect what the Constitution and Bill of Rights are all about. Limiting the power of a federal government that wants to run amok. This makes a better country and future for generations to come.

So long, and thanks for nothing.

Looking forward to hearing from you when you finally realize that socialism always fails once it runs out of other people’s money..

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