Posted on 04/23/2009 11:29:45 AM PDT by lewisglad
More than 1,400 purity balls, where young girls pledge their virginity to their fathers at a promlike event, were held in 2006 (the balls are federally funded). Facebook is peppered with purity groups that exist to support girls trying to “save it.” Schools hold abstinence rallies and assemblies featuring hip-hop dancers and comedians alongside religious leaders. Virginity and chastity are reemerging as a trend in pop culture, in our schools, in the media, and even in legislation. So while young women are subject to overt sexual messages every day, they’re simultaneously being taught — by the people who are supposed to care for their personal and moral development, no less — that their only real worth is their virginity and ability to remain “pure.”
So what are young women left with? Abstinence-only education during the day and Girls Gone Wild commercials at night! Whether it’s delivered through a virginity pledge or by a barely dressed tween pop singer writhing across the television screen, the message is the same: A woman’s worth lies in her ability — or her refusal — to be sexual. And we’re teaching American girls that, one way or another, their bodies and their sexuality are what make them valuable. The sexual double standard is alive and well, and it’s irrevocably damaging young women.
(Excerpt) Read more at today.msnbc.msn.com ...
How so?
What’s the disturbing part? That the girls are taking a pledge to remain pure? Or that they have a good relationship with their father, who they go to the ball with (who they even know)?
I’m trying to figure out why morals bother you.
Instead, he is in college and I assume sexually active along with 90% of other college students.
From what I can tell, the “federally funded” line is just a leftist myth— the event websites all specifically cite private and some voluntary corporate funding, and all the other “news” items about this alleged funding come from far-left sources.
Oh, and I’m 26, male, and still waiting for the right woman. Made it through college just fine, thanks.
If you set the speed limit at 55, many people will drive 70. If you set the speed limit at 65, many people will drive 80, and more will be driving at 80 than if the speed limit is 55. So if you start with the expectation that teenagers will have sex, more will have sex than if you start with the expectation thta they won't. And given that despite years of condom education and everything short of teachers following kids home and putting them on for them, we still have high STD rates, cervical cancer problems, and plenty of abortions, I don't think it's any more reasonable to expect them to use a condom or other birth control every time than it is for them to not have sex. And another deterrence is the expectation that kids understand and deal with the consequences.
Even if your son uses a condom, it could fail. If it does and his girlfriend gets pregnant, is he going to marry her? Pay child support? Agree with her to give the kid up for adoption? Or will she abort your grandchild, even if you son doesn't want her to? And even if nothing happens, what if they break up? Break-ups are rarely unilateral and often hurt one party more than the other. Sure people survive that but part of the point of Mirriam Gross' book is that a lot of young women get very messed up by having sex and then being dumped by the guy, because girls tend to bond with the men they have sex with.
And while you certainly know your son better than I do so I'll take your word for it if you think I'm wrong, but I can't help but thinking that if a teenager comes to their parent telling them that they might not be able to remain abstinent that they are looking for encouragement or help staying on course and not a sudden shift in expectations to a green light with qualifications. Is it possible your son was looking for "Hang in there!" instead of "Use a condom."?
While people must ultimately make their own choices, I'm not sure than indifference is the best policy. People look to other people to know if they are doing the right thing or not (it's one of the reasons that people who follow psychopaths do horrible things, they take their lead from the psychopath) and not telling them when you think they are doing wrong hobbles the positive purpose of that instinct. If it wasn't useful for social animals (not only humans) to seek and desire the approval of others, then they wouldn't have that need and we'd be more like cats than dogs, largely indifferent to the feelings and wishes of others.
And, yes, I'm well aware that a parent can be too protective and alienate their children. My stepmother did that with her son, by not approving of his wife, among other things. But I don't buy the "unconditional love and approval" approach, either.
And at 19 and in college, being married is the last thing that he needs.
One can know who they are going to marry before they get married and getting married young isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a friend who found himself having to get married before he finished college wound up finishing college and is in better financial shape than many people I know. He's been married around 20 years and his daughter is now in college. Why is he in good financial shape? Because having a wife and child let him skip the partying and DINK lifestyle that tends to put people into debt without much to show for it. It made him take life seriously.
Actually, the advise was, if she is on the pill use a condom. If she is not on the pill, don’t touch.
Yes. And teenagers, and pre-teens know how to work parents against each other. Honestly, my husband has been right on and the few times I changed his mind, I usually wish I had not intervened on the kids behalf. I do wish he were a little more lower volume with his decisions. LOL
The concern I have is that you have raised him with duplicitous standards.
No, I simply understand that my job as as a father is to help guide my kids to adulthood and hope they make the right decisions. With that, I would prefer his first sexual intercourse be at 18 as opposed to 15 or 16. I believe he was successful in that effort and because of that will make good decisions in his future.
As it is now, he graduated near the top of his H.S. class and is doing great at at a very good university. He is smarter than me and even smarter than his mom a woman who is one of the top litigators in the city.
100 years from now, it's unlikely that anyone will remember my name or anything I'll ever do except for the possible exception of my descendants. To believe otherwise is the height of folly and purest of vanities. Most people can't even tell you who was President 100 year ago. Therefore, I think my marriage is far more important than my education. My great grandfather was a doctor/professor of classical Greek, Hebrew and Latin. So what? I'm positive that he and his carnal and yet faithful attraction to my great grandmother are far more consequential and better appreciated by me and my children than anything he ever learned, taught or did. Is your education more important to you than your spouse? If it is, than what does that say to your son, a young man with an eternal soul, about his significance a person?
Sorry for the lecture.
yeah, it’s kinda funny — sex is where the girls have to be responsible!
it also kinda makes sense in the grand scheme of things. Guys are built to go around and be aggressive to have sex wherever he can find it so that the human race can reproduce.
Girls on the other hand have to be selective and make sure to find the right mate so that their child doesn’t die.
So then the guy has to stop being an ass and groom himself to please the girl and then yadda yadda yadda .... marriage happens!
Jessica Valenti is a blind woman who thinks that the light is a lie.
“My gut feelings is that most conflicts in marriages start when the kids get to be teenagers”
I agree with you there. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was to STEP BACK when my sons got pre-pubescent. They did NOT appreciate any of my help in trying to soften any blows. They actually seemed to resent me for it! Their dad would be “so hard” on them, and then they’d turn around and love him to death. Leaving me perplexed. I adjusted after a while.
I can't argue with that statement.
“Super Bowl tickets for chastity?” Yeah, huntin’, fishin’, washin’ the car - that’s when it seems boys can be communicated with.
Not at a ball, so much!
Thanks, but I do not think I need strangers defining my marriage of my family.
However, we have a strong value for education and my children’s parents three of their four grandparents and most of their aunts and uncles have advanced degrees. The understood rule is the rule is that the education comes first and then one can be married.
In my wife’s case, it did not exactly work out that way as she had our son during her last year at NYU Law. And while her family offered to finance that venture, I covered her expenses by driving a cab and working as a bartender at a gay bar. I put in 18-20 hours in a day and loved every minute of it. I loved it because the first day I met her, she told me that she wanted to go to law school and the when we married, I knew her law school would be my responsibility.
Now, my kids are going to do what they want, but they know that it is expected that they go to grad school and we know it would be easier to do it prior to starting a family.
I agree about the importance of marriage versus getting an education (marriage is much more important). As a Christian, I’m amazed at other Christian parents who advise their children to delay marriage until after college. What’s that say about their faith?
In my opinion, they are putting worldly concerns before clear biblical guidance. I would MUCH rather have my children marry than sin against the Lord by having sex before marriage. The fact is, college-aged adults are very likely to have sex.
Also, I disagree with those who say it’s bad to get married young. I’m so glad that I’m still married after many decades to the wife of my youth. What a great thing to still be with the person I shared so many firsts in life with! That’s a joy I hope my children and grandchildren can also experience with their spouses, and that’s how it’s supposed to be (God doesn’t give us rules to hurt us, he gives us guidance to uplift us!)
I taught the abstinence section of a teen girl retreat. There IS a such thing as virginity, but it should be stressed equally for boys and girls. The body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and should be kept pure for G-d’s purposes. I have taught both of my children that their virginity is a gift that can only be given one time and should be reserved for their spouse on their wedding night. Not to mention all of the trouble you can run into when you start having sex.
My husband and I are encouraging both of our children (boy and girl) to remain chaste.
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