A new renter has been found!
Posted on 03/18/2009 10:22:02 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
Delicate situation. I own this home, an unwanted guest has now taken over my weekend home. Sale of this home is in approx. 1 week.
I want to annoy the crap out of this bum before the home sells, and an eviction will take too long. He is not a legal renter or tenant, just an unwanted guest, so he has no rights as far as me renting this home to another person. I will be renting this home to you at no cost, provided you agree to terms listed below and sign a legal rental contract.
The rules are simple
1) Be loud, annoying, obstinate and preferably a religious and political extremist. You must share your view point continuously.
2) Preferably, do not bathe (i.e.- I want you to smell badly)
3) Do not steal/break/ruin any of his items, just move them out of the room you prefer to live in. Preferably, stack them up on his bed.
4) Do not mess my home up, I want it in good condition for when the contract ends and my home sells. No broken windows, fires, holes in walls, etc etc etc.
5) If you have friend who would like to join in on the "fun" they must also agree to stick to the rules which will be in a legal contract.
6) You must be out when my home sells, which will be a specific date in your rental contract.
7) Do not start fights/harm my unwanted guest. Just annoy him, a lot.
This contract starts March 20th, 2009. This rental contract ends March 31st, 2009. You must be out by this date because I will not own the house anymore.
** We would like several people to rent this home for 1 week. Bring sleeping bags, coolers, etc.
PS RENT IS FREE, YOU MUST SIGN RENTAL AGREEMENT!
Good Grief! Just man up and tell him to get the heck out!
She sure knows how to pick 'em.
Have it tented for termites, he either walks out or is carried out the next day!
I’ve lived in some strange places. But I have some hints, because they drove me crazy:
1. Do a lot of wok cooking with oil. Don’t clean up spatter until “guest” leaves.
2. Play Carole King’s “You’ve Got a Friend” over and over. It is not the worst ditty, but it may make the guest think that a suicide is imminent. Barry Manilow and Yoko Ono is too heavy handed. The Boston “More Than a Feeling” album played repeatedly (very important) is another possible approach. Def Leppard may substitute. It doesn’t matter if the guest thinks he likes those albums.
3. Leave the microwave door open. Fill the trash with empty convenience food boxes. Never empty it. Have a supply of nearly empty toilet paper rolls to place in bathroom. No matter how many times he swaps it out, put in a new almost empty one.
4. Fill the kitchen trash and refuse to empty it.
5. Whistle through your throat if you can when you are in the same room.
6. Change the thermostat constantly. Find out what guest lieks and do the opposite. Don’t argue, just do it.
7. Leave clear shopping bags full of empty cans of “Red, White and Blue” in the hallway by your door.
8. If you can find some at a novelty shop, pick up a can of flatulence spray before you head out for the day. Spray liberally over common area.
9. Don’t flush, leave tootpaste in the sink, gargle loudly. Leave toenail clippings in the common area.
10. Leave a basket of empty underwear in common area, mentioning that you will get to it later.
11. Fill up every square inch of bathtub, medicine chest and sink with gear, especially if you would normally use it once in a blue moon. Brylcreem, half a dozen toothbrishes, used disposables of different brands (including one Flicker, just to confuse guest), Big economy size bottles of Suave or worse, Bath sizes of Lifebuoy, Dial, and Lava. A big honkin’ Gojo container.
12. Randomly meow.
I wondered where Aunt Zetouni had gotten to.
If this works, we should try it at the White House.
True. Since he is committing a criminal offense, then the police can easily determine if he is in the house legally or not.
Doesn’t it really tick you off when some women complain about not being able to meet a nice guy and then only date jerks?
Man,
When my kid was 1st learning to play the slide trombone.
He would have had this clown gone in short order.
10. Leave a basket of empty underwear in common area, mentioning that you will get to it later.
_________________________________
Empty underwear??? As opposed to FULL underwear????
I like your ideas. I nominate YOU as the person for the job.
Do you know where Stephenville is?
I used a civil standby to make one voluntary eviction. Once the police were involved they quit(left) the property.
I also used a drywall crew to evict some scummy tenants.
I sent the crew in to redo the popcorn ceiling and put all their stuff on the curb. They had subleted( no allowed) from the original tenant, but had no lease to prove they were legal. They were pissed, but knew they would loose and the dry wall guys were pretty big.
Your post made me laugh out loud, especially item #12!
No. The police will ask him if he lives there. If he says yes, they will say it’s a civil matter and leave.
Great screenname.
Won’t he be going back to college when Spring break is over?
good way to go from 1 unwanted renter to 20 unwanted renters
No. That's too sensible!
The Craigslist poster is clearly an Obama voter.
This was my thought. If he is in the hospital until the sale closes, your problem is solved.
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