Posted on 08/08/2008 2:47:42 AM PDT by atomic conspiracy
Geneva, Switzerland - As the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) nears completion, many people have worried about the implications of colliding subatomic particles at high velocities. Some have suggested that the device could destroy the Earth by creating black holes or dangerous subatomic particles, but a new group calling themselves People for the Ethical Treatment of Hadrons (PETH) are worried about the health of the subatomic particles.
"You've got these subatomic particles accelerated at great speeds for the sole purpose of being destroyed. No one thinks of the ethical implications of this," said Tia Aumiller who founded the group. "There's a limited supply of hadrons in the universe. Do we just want to go around destroying them? What if we run out? What if the hadrons can feel pain? Will we look back at this hundreds of years from now and regret it? Kinda like we do with the killing of bacteria with antibiotics now."
Scientists at CERN working on the LHC say this is a new one to them. "We've got the wackos who think we're going to rip a hole in the universe, and the people who think our real purpose is to create a race of Dr. Manhattans, but this is just weird," said Erich Stanhoffe who heads the LHC project.
Stanhoffe admits that no research has been done on whether hadrons can feel pain or might get sick traveling at such high speeds, but that's only because the idea is "patently ridiculous."
Aumiller responded, "That's what they said about the other group I founded, Mothers Against unDead Drivers, which warns people of driving while a zombie, but they'll see."
Dozens of people from PETH protested outside the CERN headquarters with signs reading "Don't fark with the quark" and "Subatomic Pain is Still Pain."
Officials at CERN do not expect the protests to delay the "end of the world..uh...commencement of scientific research" in October.
Every time I hear about these LHC/end of the world cranks, I am reminded of the old Roger Ramjet cartoon show and Roger's arch-enemies, the evil Solenoid Robots. The latter were the creation of “a cabal of mad scientists bent on destroying the world for their own gain.”
Warning: Do not read that headline too quickly!
Maybe not such a big mistake. There must be such a group out there somewhere, perhaps protesting against the famous four hour limit.
I love it. Poking fun at loonies is allowed in my universe. And even cute girls can have an erm... mental disposition.
PS: perhaps the physicists truly are going to rip the universe and create new parallel worlds. Perhaps I, bachelor that I am, will suddenly find myself being married to Holly Hunter.
Ah, never mind...
Save the Skeets! Save the Skeets! People are shooting them everyday! By the millions no less.
And that’s a no sh**ter!
“There’s a limited supply of [b]hadrons[/b] in the universe. Do we just want to go around destroying them?”
Why won’t people use spellcheck? No wonder the poor lass is protesting.
“Save the Skeets! Save the Skeets! People are shooting them everyday! By the millions no less.”
Horrible! And they don’t even eat the meat!
They are cranks. Anyone with a brain knows the real problem at the LHC is all those Commie free radicals fomenting revolution among the bosons.
And no one's got the gravitons to stop them.
There used to be some big gravitons around here, but seeing Red Devil’s solution to the four hour problem caused them to shrivel up.
it's the geek Onion...
FREE THE HADRONS!!
FREE THE HADRONS!!
I’m sick and tired of seeing these native Hadrons being oppressed and enslaved by Big Meson.
Cheers!
...excuse me there, slight attack of dyslexia.
Cheers!
Heh, that’s a fun site. Thanks for the link.
Yes, respect the meat, even in Crete.
And who issued a hunting license for the “Z” particle anyway? Run little Z! Don’t let them catch you.
What next? Hadron zoos?
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