Posted on 03/21/2008 12:05:34 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
Adults Forced Back Into Parents' Homes Middle-Aged Children Starting Over With Mom, Dad
UPDATED: 2:45 pm EDT March 21, 2008 MILWAUKEE -- After being laid off from her job as an events planner at an upscale resort, Jo Ann Bauer struggled financially. She worked at several lower-paying jobs, relocated to a new city and even declared bankruptcy.
Then in December, she finally accepted her parents' invitation to move into their home -- at age 52. "I'm back living in the bedroom that I grew up in," she said.
Taking shelter with parents isn't uncommon for young people in their 20s, especially when the job market is poor. But now the slumping economy and the credit crunch are forcing some children to do so later in life -- even in middle age.
Financial planners report receiving many calls from parents seeking advice about taking in their grown children following divorces and layoffs.
Kim Foss Erickson, a financial planner in Roseville, Calif., north of Sacramento, said she has never seen older children, even those in their 50s, depending so much on their parents as in the last six months.
"This is not like, 'OK, my son just graduated from college and needs to move back in' type of thing," she said. "These are 40- and 50-year-old children of my clients that they're helping out."
Parents "jeopardize their financial freedom by continuing to subsidize their children," said Karin Maloney Stifler, a financial planner in Hudson, Ohio, and a board member of the Financial Planning Association. "We have a hard time saying no as a culture to our children, and they keep asking for more."
Bauer's parents won't take rent money or let her help much with groceries.
(Excerpt) Read more at wnbc.com ...
I thought in the article it said her parents wouldn’t accept any money from her to help with that.
Now you are right, I am not saying that in all cases this can work for everyone. I think though for most people they could figure out how to help their parents and get back on their feet.
It’s one thing if it’s a temporary setback and they’re going to recollect and move forward from there. It’s another thing if they’re not.
My brother separated from his wife at a time when my mother was getting a little helpless, he moved in with her and ended up taking care of her for about 15 yrs.
They spent all her money but I didn’t care because I didn’t have to take care of her, a job that became 24/7 when she got Alzheimer’s. They bought everything together with rights of survivorship and he ended up with the home and the car. My brother and sister are mad now because they don’t have an inheritance.
I still think we got a bargain because she was with someone who loved her and cared well for her and we didn’t have to feel guilty and I never saw them jumping up and down begging to take care of her. I actually did offer and took her when he needed a break.
My son and his family have lived across the street from us for 11 yrs, it has been wonderful. The only bad thing is our other son and family live 12 hrs away.
Thanks for posting. This kind of story is an example that I am thinking about where this kind of thing can work. Your brother obviously still had it together and could really help his mom out by being there. It also gave him purpose. It is extremely hard to give the 24/7 care Alzheimer’s sufferers need. They get sub-par at most homes. I am sure she got better care from him than a home. And your mom still may have been able to remember him if she still had long-term memory.
Well, shoot. I was planning on moving in with my children!
Then they usually mooch off of more responsible siblings.
It was nice to read your story. When I was first married my husband and I had some financial difficulties and had to move into my old house. Someone told my dad, “If they are so much in love (that we got married) they can be in love on the street.” My dad said he would make me the same promise that my grandpa made to him. As long a he was alive, my room would always be there for me.
Well good grief, you’re not going to sell newspapers or stir up economic panic with a headline like that!
That always pisses me off. I think an inheritance should not be something expected. If someone gets something, sure, but it should not be expected. Better to know mom and dad had a happy life, then lived miserably just so the grown kids could have more money.
I was getting my hair cut and heard a woman talking about her neighbor. She had gone on holiday, while her adult grandchildren watched the house. They started taking things out of the house to sell. The neighbor made a big to-do to keep that from happening.
I get so pissed at people who feel they are "entitled" to their parents assets. When my dad died I got his insurance money and everything he had (which wasn't much) since I am an only child. Other than his cedar trunk and pictures, I don't have much of his things left. I would prefer he was around, rather than just his things.
I totally agree.
I have know elderly parents scrimping even though they had a million in the bank b/c they didn’t want the kids to be mad they spent it.
I have known kids who, into adulthood, made choices (usually bad ones) based on the fact that eventually mom and dad would kick the bucket and bail them out financially with a big inheritance.
And the truth is that there is going to be a HUGE wealth transfer when the baby boomers start dying in large numbers. This will be the first generation that widely carried a bunch of life insurance and which often owned more than one property and which had “living trusts” containing their mutual funds etc.
But it’s such a shame to have one’s relationships colored by money. My parents always brought us up to understand that it was their money, they earned it, saved it, and they were going to spend it, usually just to provide for themselves. We wouldn’t think of having it any other way.
By the way, I meant to tell you that I’m sorry for your loss of your father.
I often hear about saving to send children to college. With five children, I told them they have two choices. (a) they can work their way through college and I would be happy to let them stay here and pay rent (which would go into a savings account for when they move) or (b) I can put them through college, then I will be moving in with them because I will no longer be able to support myself.
I'd have no problem taking in family, as long as everyone pulls their weight and helps out, one way or another.
Not only saving to send the children to college, but to send them to VERY expensive colleges which do not provide any more bang for the buck (and may provide less) than a good community college + state school.
I have known several parents who took out home equity loans on their homes to pay for their kids’ college, or who kept working way past when, for their own sake, they should have retired to pay for a four-year education that was taking five, six years with lollygagging-—then the graduate got the same job he would have gotten without that very expensive education.
I know a man who worked through horrendous health problems, well into his seventies, not because he enjoyed it or needed to to support himself and his wife, but because his daughter had demanded a (I’m not exaggerating) $100,000 wedding and he had to pay the bill off over time.
Horror stories, all. These were well-meaning parents, for the most part, who grew up with the idea that a kid had to have more than the parent had had, and for whom the idea of a college education, particularly at a “good” school, was an incredible status symbol and (they thought) a guarantee of financial freedom.
Anyway, I rant. ;)
My boys want to serve in the military so I figure ROTC is the way to go for them.
Better this than welfare.
Don't feel so bad.
I thought the same thing.
I don’t remember which one was mary ellen, but I remember thinking the mom was hot.
I know a gal, in her mid forties, just sold her house and moved back with her dad. THe reason? Her mom died. And her dad is the kind of guy that never did a lick of household chores in his life. He went straight from having a stay at home mom, to having a stay at home wife. So the daughter felt she needed to take care of him.
Dad's 88 now, and Mama's 82. If they ever need a home (Nowhere close yet, health is excellent), then one of the children, maybe me, maybe my sister, maybe one of my brothers will provide it. We'll work it out when the time comes, hopefully far in the future.
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