Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.
“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
You are right, the issue of ‘marrying up’ is a real one. Demographics make the matter worse.
Up until 1950 in this country there were many more men than there were women. Men had to compete (and behave) to get the attention of a woman. They had to woo her. Then demographics changed the picture entirely.
During WW2 very few children were born. After the war there were millions born. The girls born during the baby boom, when they grew up, they went out looking for men who were a little taller, a little richer, better educated and a little older.
Well, there were zero men who were a little older. They were never born. The tables had turned, the women had to compete for the attention of the men.
In the meantime, lots of men were getting killed in wars, in their cars and on their motorcycles. And more than ten percent decided they wanted a gay lifestyle where they could get more sex in one night than they ever got in a year when they were straight. Thus the number of available men got even smaller.
If you think it’s bad here the situation in China is even worse. Market forces at work!
“What they are doing to their children is evil.”
Yes.
Nah, I’m with Talon. Too many women don’t want men to be men. They want someone who can take out the trash, sure, but they expect him to be all sensitive and stuff. Even if romance novel guys are masculine and stuff, I don’t think the women who read those books really like it when they see it. It’s a difference between idealized and actualized masculinity.
I don’t read those things but I sure did get a nice masucline guy! Good thing I didn’t want someone to go and get manicures with me.
In all fairness, I know a young woman [now divorced] who fits that ‘inflated opinion of herself’ to a T. There is nothing feminine about a woman like that and it’s a big deterrant to the kind of men who would make the best partners. That’s just fact.
In general, I think women are as likely to look for the ‘wrong’ things as men are.
More often than not, if looks are at the top of the list one can be fairly certain of failure in almost every other aspect.
I appreciate the help, but Match has worked well for me.
What a great reminder on Valentine's Day that I married the right man for me!
Everyday you have to ask yourself - am I worth coming home to?
“If women were MORE choosy (about whom they marry, choose to have kids with, etc), men would have to have better character.”
No we wouldn’t.
We’d marry more women from other countries.
Besides it’d never happen, women are too competative and willing to sell each other out.
When she says...."I do.", she get half.
When she says ..."I don't", she gets the other half.
You sound like a great lady!
Good for you and your sweetie!
We like your company, too, najida, and you deserve more than a life with someone you don't love.
That said, I think the writer has a totally erroneous point of view. She may not realize it, but every marriage is about "settling," for both spouses. They may not think so when they get married, but at some point, each is going to find that their spouse is NOT everything they want them to be, and IS some things they don't want them to be.
If they accept that this is what human beings are like, they can have a long and happy marriage, in which each changes for the better. If one or both thinks that they are entitled to be human, while the spouse is not, then they can be miserable married or divorced and miserable the next time.
I actually bought books by David Deangelo and Mystery (from VH1’s The Pickup Artist). It did increase my one night stands from bars and clubs, but it is not good manuals for keeping a relationship.
I think both Deangelo, Mystery, and other experts in attracting women have good advice on how a successful date works, but women are funny about calling times, and they think complementing a woman is insincere, and so on....
I disagree——
What women don’t want is a man who doesn’t love her...too many men see women as a way not to be alone...ie, something to fill a void, not as a person.
Mazel Tov!
“may I say, as a man who greatly enjoys sex, that your comment is very, very true......sex without love is masterbation...”
Not really....there is alot of lust there.
But you are right in that it should at least be freindly.
Shoot, it worked for my wife
lol, you would think so wouldn’t you. I don’t think it works like that though. People end up with the character they have long before puberty and an interest in the opposite sex kicks in. Changing your character during puberty so as to attract a better mate is beyond most peoples ability.
bump
“No self respecting man wants to provide for the progeny of another. He won’t love the progeny of another the way that he loves his own. He won’t make the sacrifices for the progeny of another the way he will for his own.”
What a sad creature you are.
Ignorant too.
I agree don’t disagree, but I simply don’t have the energy for the game any more. After working 12 hr days, maintaining a house, etc. I just barely have enough energy to play ball with a silly chocolate lab. In all honesty, I have never felt more at peace since I have just stopped worrying about it.
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