Posted on 01/20/2008 9:42:43 PM PST by Bear_Slayer
Now obviously I can't speak for every male, but I feel qualified to speak in general terms.
This is aimed at the married woman, but is applicable to the woman that is involved in a long term relationship.
Learn these things and you might get your relationship to last. Ignore them at your peril.
1. He is not your zit. Stop picking at him.
Women love to pick at zits. They'll sneak up on you while you're shaving and start squeezing. It's an annoying habit they can't break. They also do this emotionally and intellectually. This is done when they ask us silly questions like:
"Do you love me because you need me, our need me because you love me?"
The fact is we love you and need you. Beyond that, we have no idea. Some invisible rock hit us in the head one day and we realized we can't live without you, until you drive us insane, then we can't live with you.
Similar questions are along the lines of, "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
The fact is, you have a big butt and your butt makes those pants look big. Another fact: we don't care. When the invisiable rock hit us, it didn't clue us in that you had a big butt; it simply made us aware of the fact, "Girl nice. Me like girl, lot."
I knew a woman once that had a big butt. She wasn't even the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, but the invisible rock was huge and I would have crawled through broken glass to be with her if she were single.
You have a big butt. Get over it. If you are constantly aware of your own big butt, you will make us constantly aware of it and you don't want that.
2. It's ok for him to compare you to his mother, as in, "That's not how my mother does it."
The fact is our mother is the only significant woman that ever loved us, until you came along. She fed, bathed, dress, nurtured, encouraged and loved us -- and we like how our mom made our potatos, cookies, &etc. Don't change the recipe. We like it that way. There is nothing Freudian about it.
3. Don't expect a deep relationship and don't try to draw us into meaningful conversations.
We're not comfortable exploring our inner feelings. Most guys don't trust their feelings and the smarter ones recognize that its their feelings that got them into the relationship in the first place.
Do you want a meaningful relationship? Go sip lattes with your friends and explore each other's cavernous feelings. It's a level you can all relate to and prop one another up.
4. Don't trust everything your girlfriend tells you.
Just because they read it in Redbook or Ms. does not make it so. Those magazines are written by women, for women, that grew up on Danielle Steele.
And don't ask us. We don't know and we're not that complicated anyways. If you simply watch us, without over-analyzing you'll figure us out. At a basic level we eat, we sleep, we copulate, and we play sports. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily at different times.
5. You don't always have to be talking.
Men can communicate through subtle mechanisms. It's how we know when a woman likes us, or when the guy across the bar is looking for a fight, etc.
6. Don't make us carry you through life.
We're trying to get through it also. We'll be happy to stand in front and take some of the blows, but listen, carry your own baggage. We got our own to deal with.
Lastly,
When the big rock hit us, it really didn't matter what you looked like on the outside. Love is blind. We fell in love with the way your eyes twinkle when you smile. When you giggle when we say something silly or funny. And yes, even the way your breasts look in that tight sweater. However, none of that will matter ever again if you screw it up by driving us insane.
“She’s quite unlike any I’ve ever met before.”
What’s wrong with you dude? Isn’t your ManDar working? It’s a TRAP!!!!! Run!!!! :)
Sounds pretty darned sweet though.
Isn't the short black gal the same one from The View?
:-)
Pay attention to your wife/girlfriends emotional needs. They are as real to her as your physical needs are to you. You ignore them/belittle them at your peril.
...zackly.
Here’s what I found in my 30+ years marriage to the same man: When we are “physically” close, he is more attentive to my emotional needs and when we are “emotionally” close, I am more in tune with his physical needs. It’s a vicious cycle.
A father and son are out fishing one day and the son posed this question to his dad: "Dad, is it true in some cultures a man doesn't know his wife until after the wedding?"
The father replied: "That's true in all cultures, son..."
Hehehe...that's all fine and dandy, but what if you have a woman who doesn't want to follow?
Exactly....and the cycle is self-perpetuating in EITHER DIRECTION. When a man ignores her emotional needs, she is likely to ignore his physical needs.
Pay attention Bear. You might just learn something.
Or, what do you do if the roles are reversed and your husband picks and picks at you like a zit until you can’t take it any more?
Btw, I'm sorry you couldn't sleep, but glad you decided to write this piece and post the thread! I laughed out loud, but there's a lot of truth there, and that's what makes it so good.
Gonna share it with my husband and best-friend when he gets home. :-)
Let go with love and find another.
Big butt ping!
However, I'm thinking of writing a follow-up for men.
Ha! Good luck with that one.
7. Iron my shirt???
Four over-rated women sit around drinking lattes discussing their unexamined feelings about important issues.
It's good for a laugh, if you can numb your mind from remembering that most people feel as they do and that is why the US is in its sad State.
Wow, now that I read that list I realized (again) how blessed I am!!! Bearslayer sounds grouchy this morning LOL
After 15 years together, hubby and I don’t pick at each other, I value hubby’s advice more than any girlfriend’s, neither one of us says “that’s now how my mom/dad did things”, and hubby actually thinks I don’t talk enough!!!
Hubby says this to others (& I say something similar): “I have a wonderful wife. If she ever leaves me, I’ll have to go with her.” LOL
I'd never understood the concept of a nagging woman getting on your nerves until my current girlfriend: it's not so much that she nags but that she just won't shut the hell up about how she feels. Everything....and I mean everything....has has to be run through this bizarre emotional prism she has inside and she has to sit and talk through every single color it casts on the wall.
Usually I'll listen to an hour or two of it.....and I do mean hour or two a day....and end up saying "Look, you need to stop talking because I can't handle it any more." Which, of course, starts the crying.
The crying. Oh my God, the crying and histrionics. I don't consider myself such a catch that I can afford to caste off women like yesterday's socks but, this girl's going to the curb.
Ladies, take your comments “men are hard to understand” and “all you want is ___” and do the math.
that should be rule #1
Do that, and he'll move Heaven and Earth to serve you.
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