Posted on 01/07/2008 6:58:30 AM PST by shrinkermd
My grandmother recently, and reluctantly, asked if I could give her some money.
There's no question my wife, Amy, and I will give her the funds; she raised me and is, by and large, the woman I consider my mom. She has always been kind to Amy. If we have the discretionary cash that can make my grandmother's life happy, shouldn't we hand it over?
Yet the request has caused us a lot of angst.
Part of our concern is where this will lead. Although my grandmother isn't asking for a lot of money -- just a few hundred dollars -- when you open your wallet to family members, the first time is rarely the last. We don't want to get in the position of becoming my grandmother's ATM.
But it's more than that. Amy and I have worked hard to earn this money, and it's frustrating to have somebody want to tap into our account. What's more, my grandmother will no doubt use the money for things that we'd never buy ourselves. We don't want to feel like suckers for funding a lifestyle that we might consider indulgent.
So that leads us to the question we've been grappling with: When providing financial assistance to a family member, is it fair to say the money comes with constraints on how it is spent? Or, is financial assistance an exercise in unconditional love?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
It’s a tough thing to realize a parent or close family member is unhealthy for you...b/c you have to make hard decisions you really shouldnt have too...(i.e. to keep your distance)
IMHO, most of the time it’s mental illness...my dad is bi-polar and a manicly depressed...but he won’t get help, and blames others for every problem he ever had...so...I’ve had to keep my distance, and it hasnt been easy. I’d like to have the ideal situation of both parents being responsible, loving, etc...but God gave me something different...so I do the best I can.
And as a previous poster said, she’s not even the one who brought him into the world—she took on the responsibility of raising him out of the same familial sense of responsibility that he denies towards her.
I think the writer is testing the waters to see if people will agree to help their family members financially, especially dear old grandmothers.
The United States is going bankrupt and more and more articles are coming out about taking care of grandma and grandpa.
And it is not me bleating bankruptcy. It is the Comptroller General:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/03/01/60minutes/main2528226.shtml
Your dad sounds just like my mom. Bless you for having a good mother, though. I miss my dad.
Yes.
I had a brother-in-law that used to ask for money to 'buy diapers' who, instead, used it to purchase pop and cigarettes for himself. Only took a couple of times of that kind of thing to learn a hard lesson.
Next time he asked for money to buy diapers, I took him to the store and bought diapers for his daughter. He never asked for money again.
My mother needed some money, so I loaned it to her, no questions asked. Later, my sister, who always had financial problems was showing off a new camcorder, back when they were expensive rarities. I asked her how she could afford it, and she told me that Mom had given her the money. I still feel used about that. I didn’t have a camcorder and was expecting my first child and would have loved to have one, but I couldn’t afford it at the time.
Reminds me of my brother-in-law. He gave me a sob story about not having any transportation for work so I sold him my motorcycle for $100. You guess it! He turned around and sold it for what it was worth - much more.
I’m so mad at my mother. She’s 102 years old and she called me up last week to borrow $10 for some food. I told her “Hey, I work for a living!” So I lent het the money (had my secretary bring it down), and yesterday she called me up and says she can’t pay me back for a while. I said “What is this Bull$h!+?” So I worked it out with her. She’s gonna change my transmission. If that doesn’t work out I’m gonna have her carry my barbells up to the attic.
When asked give if you can. Make it a gift though. If they pay it back that’s great. If not, it wasn’t expected and no hard feelings. If you have been blessed with the ability to help others , do it.
It’s not an obligation, it’s a blessing.
I read “People” magazine in the Wal-mart line for the same reasons - it makes me feel just wonderful about my own life!
I would hope so.
A couple of posters suggested that it was a metaphor for Big Government and taxation. I think there’s something to that: it’s hard to believe that people like the author, or the others he describes in the article, really exist, but it makes sense if they’re allegorical.
He should have saved this piece for Mother’s Day.
That he would even question his decision shows what a shallow, selfish little man he is. What a disgrace.
What’s sad if that she had to even ask. When I have a little extra I love do special things for my parents. My favorite is buying my mom a Walmart card. I tell her that she must use it for herself for things she would normally pass on.
Give granny some money but also make the point that if her lifestyle includes financing others to lunches and things, that you will NOT be giving money again.
Then someone needs to smack the author in the head for making this a public issue in a newspaper.
Maybe more parents and grandparents can try this; turn it into a sort of reverse-inheritance (copyright claimed this date 01/07/08), this heartless bastard could provide the idea and minimum startup capital and get rich off his grandmother’s simple plea.
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