Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
I can understand that, but at the same time, I think defaulting to putting the kids with mom is just terrible. There should be some real evaluation of who is the better parent/etc. At any rate, it’s not a simple thing or it would already be solved, but I do think it merits more attention.
Absolutely. People really do seem to hold grudges over the most ridiculous things, don’t they?
LOL! I don’t have much to do with my Mom, but have always treated my Dad like a king. My husband gets the same treatment.
I think you both are groping for anything that will let you deny the obvious.
It sure does...it's no secret what happens to children when they get everything they want.
“I just tried a meatloaf recipe the other day from the cardboard canister of store-brand bread crumbs”
That’s how I got my stuffed shell recipe (P&R shells).
I’ll check out the bread crumb packaging though. Thanks!
“It’s the female culture. There’s nothing that can go wrong in their lives they can’t find a way to make the guy’s fault.”
I don’t know if anyone really can claim the market on whining.
If you go through freeper threads on various topics concerning marriage, relationships, career vs. family life, divorce, and even breast feeding threads, you will see there are many men who won’t give a woman a break no matter what her situation.
I’ve learned on those threads that career women are selfish materialistic bitches. Stay at home moms are mindless moocher “pets” sucking the life blood out of their husbands.Younger unmarried girls are ho’s. Older unmarried women are spinsters. Divorced women are always at fault for the divore. Anything wrong with children is always the mother’s fault, and women should breastfeed, but they should always do it at home huddled under a blanket because it’s gross.
Sure...there are plenty of female whiners, and I’ve seen plenty of the that too, but c’mon guys - there are plenty of male whiners on these message boards too!
“Absolutely. People really do seem to hold grudges over the most ridiculous things, don’t they?”
***
As I said, I once worked for a young attorney when he was in family law. And I’ve worked in other non-family type cases too. I always said I could write a book about some of the karp that goes on. It’s tragic really.
“I miss the family thread. We had some great discussions about marriage AND cooking!”
When was that?
I would enjoy more threads with that kind of stuff.
I have to disagree with your statement. Many are the model husband or wife whose spouse decided they didn't want to be married anymore, that the grass looked greener on the other side of the fence, etc. The bottom line is that you can't control your spouse's commitment and character by your model behaviour. It helps, yes, but if your spouse decides he/she doesn't want to honor their vows, you can do all the right things to encourage their staying, but if they decide to leave anyway, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
Baskerville is wrong. At its root, divorce is a cultural problem, not a political one. No-fault divorce laws are a bad idea but they came out of a culture that views marriage as an exercise in self-gratification, which can be ended as soon as one of the spouses tires of it. As soon as people stopped thinking of marriage as an unbreakable, lifelong commitment, they started pressuring lawmakers to “liberalize” divorce laws, to make divorce easier to get.
Telling young men not to have marry or to have children is stupid because it will only further weaken marriage, not strengthen it. Baskerville’s very negative portrayal of women in this article is untrue and only serves to worsen relations between the sexes, not improve them.
He should have advised young men to marry women who see marriage as a lifelong commitment and who are willing to remain chaste before marriage. People who cannot delay their self gratification before marriage will not be able to delay it afterward.
Aye Lassie, If ye weren’t married, Oy’d invite yew out for a fyne whine...
“The central problem is that people have lost sight of the meaning of selfless, all-forgiving love.”
right on.
Is that a scottish accent? My maiden name is Ross!
My goodness! I’m blushing!
” People who cannot delay their self gratification before marriage will not be able to delay it afterward.”
well...hubby and I are proof that stupid hot headed kids can manage to grow up afterall.
Luckily we happened to grow up together.
My work here is done...
If you have a good marriage and good children, you should thank God every day.
I do.
LOL! good night - and I hope you still get to enjoy that wine.
I can’t enjoy a good wine until late may.
So true! They said we’d never make it. We’re more in love with each other now than we were in high school—28 years ago.
You can whine anytime...
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