Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
My point is that since most homosexuals are constantly trying to redefine marriage and constantly pointing to faults in a heterosexual relationship that it devalues it to a great extent. This devaluation causes women to hate men, men unable to cope with the new woman and boys to hate their own masculinity. A boy must be raised nongender specific when you listen to some people speak like the Gay and Lesbian Alliance.
These days a woman is taught that a man is just a donor and that she doesn’t need a man to have a “family”. This is not only a redefinition but rather a situation that helps the homosexual agenda in that lesbians will be better able to argue their interests in child raising because their social statistical profile fits closer to a single mother than a mother and father family.
Yeah. My ex was convinced that if I came home 5 minutes late on a 40 minute commute that I must be having a affair.
***
A friend of mine had a similar experience. Ex-husband always checking up on her....giving her heck for being late, and yes, actually accusing her of stepping out on him.
Turned out that it was HE who was having the affair.
My friend said that when your spouse or companion accuses you of having an affair, chances are he/she is the one who is.
Ack. LOL. And phew.
OTOH, I have studiously avoided getting entangled ever since.
And stay out of debt, and DON'T borrow money...
Ahhhhh, Glasshopper! Your understanding is complete!
“Feminism destroyed marriage and the family, as many conservatives predicted.”
Bingo and ring the bell! Reality is, our country has a legal system that swings like a giant pendulum. Before the 1960’s women were taken advantage of. Now, the pendulum has swung the other way. When local government profits from domestic abuse cases through programs and fines, it becomes that much harder to restore equellibrium. Our whole legal system stinks right now. The rich get off repeatedly and evereone else gets to be judged and fleeced for dollars. Local judges can make their own set of rules, also known as activist judges. Bin Laden can’t be shot in the head in 1997 by special forces because the Clinton Justice Department felt it didn’t have the right ‘legal’ precedence to do so.
The real threat to our way of life is that the United States has become so legalistic instead of moralistic that we can’t get anything done. We’re becoming easy pickings for our enemies while we endlessly debate if it is legal or not.
*sigh* yeah.
Agreed and that is sound advice. Find a women who has both a mom and dad that are still married. See how this women respects or disrespects her parents. That is how she will treat you if you marry her.
The main thing is to wait. There is no hurry, 40-45 is fine for this. Be established, which means have your business and income and portfolio in order so when she divorces you there will be something substantial she can take with her.
Not saying that I followed that advice :)
However, my wife and I had a huge, literal, “come to Jesus” after the birth of our first child.
One of my brother's who is a member in the bitter bachelors club is a strong advocate of shared custody.
AKA 50/50 custody.
I have pointed out a thousand times how that is an unworkable solution. It assumes that both parents will cooperate, but still does not address the fact that the kids are no better off living one week with mom, the next with dad.
“It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce.”
False canard. And “old” by now, too.
What it means is half of what could be married couples are divorced in the subject year, not that half of “all” marriages ever divorced.
Where is this "bitterness" posters keep talking about? I just don't see it.
I sympathize with you! My son is going through a similar situation. He currently has custody (His wife went completely off the deep end including paranoid delusions and accused him of molestation of his daughter. Fortunately he found some good folks in the law enforcement and legal community who helped him fight back.) the situation has cost him several hundred thousand dollars.....fortunately he is fortunate to have a lucrative job with supportive people. He lives in fear of some bleeding heart family mediator reversing the custody arrangement, sending his daughter to live with a diagnosed mentally ill mother who refuses to believe she has a problem or take medication to help her! Some of the self righteouse folks on this thread need to realize that there but for the grace of God go they..... He also married a nice Catholic Girl.
Who restarted the He-Man Woman-Hater’s club? LOL
And stay out of debt, and DON’T borrow money...
***
Especially from your relatives and friends.
“The central problem is the divorce laws.”
RONG!
The central problem is that people have lost sight of the meaning of selfless, all-forgiving love.
Advice to young men: Do not marry, do not have children
And stay out of debt, and DON’T borrow money...
______________________________________
And worship God with all your heart and all your mind.
And you will then be like Paul of Tarsus.
The central problem is that people have lost sight of the meaning of selfless, all-forgiving love.
***
Not to mention greed and an unwillingness to sit down like adults and work out problems, rather than running to the courts every 5 minutes.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.