The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men
Posted on 11/13/2007 7:08:30 AM PST by Responsibility2nd
Marriage is a foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the married, two-parent family. Those who argue that our civilization needs healthy marriages to survive are not exaggerating.
And yet I cannot, in good conscience, urge young men to marry today. For many men (and some women), marriage has become nothing less than a one-way ticket to jail. Even the New York Times has reported on how easily "the divorce court leads to a jail cell," mostly for men. In fact, if I have one urgent piece of practical advice for young men today it is this: Do not marry and do not have children.
Spreading this message may also, in the long run, be the most effective method of saving marriage as an institution. For until we understand that the principal threat to marriage today is not cultural but political, and that it comes not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, we will never reverse the decline of marriage. The main destroyer of marriage, it should be obvious, is divorce. Michael McManus of Marriage Savers points out that "divorce is a far more grievous blow to marriage than today's challenge by gays." The central problem is the divorce laws.
It is well known that half of all marriages end in divorce. But widespread misconceptions lead many to believe it cannot happen to them. Many conscientious people think they will never be divorced because they do not believe in it. In fact, it is likely to happen to you whether you wish it or not.
First, you do not have to agree to the divorce or commit any legal transgression. Under "no-fault" divorce laws, your spouse can divorce you unilaterally without giving any reasons. The judge will then grant the divorce automatically without any questions.
But further, not only does your spouse incur no penalty for breaking faith; she can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.
The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand "child support" that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents – all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it however she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.
You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you a "deadbeat dad" and take you away in handcuffs. You are told you have "abandoned" your children and incarcerated without trial.
Evidence indicates that, as men discover all this, they have already begun an impromptu marriage "strike": refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife files for divorce. "Have anti-father family court policies led to a men's marriage strike?" ask Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson in the Philadelphia Enquirer. In Britain, fathers tour university campuses warning young men not to start families. In his book, From Courtship to Courtroom, Attorney Jed Abraham concludes that the only protection for men to avoid losing their children and everything else is not to start families in the first place.
Is it wise to disseminate such advice? If people stop marrying, what will become of the family and our civilization?
Marriage is already all but dead, legally speaking, and divorce is the principal reason. The fall in the Western birth rate is directly connected with divorce law.
It is also likely that same-sex marriage is being demanded only because of how heterosexuals have already debased marriage through divorce law. "The world of no-strings heterosexual hookups and 50% divorce rates preceded gay marriage," advocate Andrew Sullivan points out. "All homosexuals are saying...is that, under the current definition, there's no reason to exclude us. If you want to return straight marriage to the 1950s, go ahead. But until you do, the exclusion of gays is simply an anomaly – and a denial of basic civil equality."
We will not restore marriage by burying our heads in the sand; nor simply by preaching to young people to marry, as the Bush administration's government therapy programs now do. The way to restore marriage as an institution in which young people can place their trust, their children, and their lives is to make it an enforceable contract. We urgently need a national debate about divorce, child custody, and the terms under which the government can forcibly sunder the bonds between parents and their children. We owe it to future generations, if there are to be any.
Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.
“I think those men from ‘any other country’ are Momma-boys who treat women like chattel...”
I think that you’ve hit on it.
I had a friend that married without dating as well. They went on their first date after they had agreed to marry. They worked together for a few years and had gone on a few missions together and he just decided she was the one or vice versa or however that sort of thing works.
They haven’t been married a year yet but I’m confident they will do fine.
All of this has sent many men to the catalogues. Those who get mainland SEA wives almost always have only themselves to blame if it does not go well.
Same here!!! Drives my sisters and brothers-in-law crazy. Sisters because they think it makes them look bad, BILs out of jealousy.
I miss the family thread. We had some great discussions about marriage AND cooking!
If your prospective bride’s family includes a lawyer or knows one in a small practice, there is a good chance that relationship will be detrimental to your future. That lawyer gets his income from marriages that can be disassembled. He/she will have advice to give from time to time and every marriage has bumpy spots.
These man thought he married a nice Christian girl.
“Police say Mary Winkler, 32, confessed to shooting her husband to death in the parsonage in a crime that shocked the congregation and shattered the couple’s happy and loving image.”
The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men
As the mother of a son I hate to admit this but, that thought has crossed my mind.
Still, I wonder if the courts would allow the wife and children to remain in the house even if it's not in her name.
The best cook books are those self published by church organizations as a fund raiser, and especially if they are plastic spiral bound. If the cook book has plastic spiral spines-the recipes are always good. Seriously, it’s like a law of nature.
And I guess you were the perfect husband. That makes sense. It’s always the women who are married to the perfect husband who decide to join the rodeo.
I don’t understand what you mean by “we are sleepers.” I do see a lot of people that divorce soon after the kids are grown. Was it menopause? Lots of women go bananas then.
LOL!! I was thinking about that thread today and how I missed it too!!! Great minds... ;)
Great Point.
Upthread you will read some semi-serious points that show how a man or a woman will save themselves years of trouble - not to mention a ton of money - if they just flat out shoot the $%&#!! instead of divorcing them.
Mary is a great case in point.
Viet Nam is full of them and they are accessible. They also tend to be quite intelligent if not highly educated(most to 8th grade).
Here's my all time favorite, an intro for a recipe of Lemon Delight:
From Jean Sloan, President of the Durand Union Station Board of Directors. She and her husband, Peter, help the depot in numerous ways. Cooking is not an area where Jean devotes a lot of time, however she surely knows a good recipe when someone else prepared it.
Send this man to Saudi Arabia!!!!
My experience is a bit different from yours but I too consider myself a “Bitter Daughter”. My father walked out and left my mom and I high and dry when I was 15. My mother, God rest her soul, made sure I got a college education (which she didn’t have) so I could provide for myself if I needed to. We struggled together until I graduated, and she told me the proudest day of her life was when I walked across the stage and got my diploma. My husband knows I am with him because I love him and want to make a life with him, not because of what he can provide me.
Uh oh, better get out your asbestos suit... Actually I know a family that that indeed happened. She went bat$hit crazy.
I have heard of the excuse of empty-nesters divorcing because they stayed together for the kids and when the kids left home, there was no longer a reason to stay together.
Amen to that! I have way more sb cookbooks than I need, all with about one or two usable (to me) recipes, but I dearly love them.
Side note—while y’all are all stuck on how bad divorce is, what about the ones who don’t get divorced and should have? My parents fought constantly—lots of screaming, throwing things, name calling, he said she said. None of us kids (5) realized that life could be different until we moved out.
Mom is the daughter of an alcoholic widow, has no family/relationship skills, could barely cook (better now)and doesn’t know how to keep house. Mom is a teetotaller but she would fit right in at AA—classic alcholic symptoms.
I learned to cook in self defense, and I’m a damn fine cook. :) I also learned to keep house—no Martha Stewart by any means, but at least it’s clean.
My husband and I have been married @ 27 years. I won’t fight. I will state my difference of opinion and let him know how I feel.
Dad threatened divorce but Mom wouldn’t go for it—especially after all 5 kids told her in no uncertain terms that we were staying with Dad.
She would leave periodically, taking the current baby with her. As a result, none of us have much trust in her. We’re all adults now, but her actions have influenced all our lives. I love my Mom, but we’re not close, not the way my daughter and I are.
Just my two cents worth.
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